I wish they knew

all the ways

they had bruised

my soul.

I wish they could

remove their sinews

from my vertebrae,

light shiny beacons

of joy

along my backbone

so I could see

pinpoints

of illumination.

I wish they knew

Me and only the real me

Not the me with friends

Not the me with family

I wish they knew

How much pain they cause me

Every comment and remark

A knife into the heart

I wish they knew

How I go to bed each night

Crying and unable to sleep

But still pretending for their sake

I wish they knew

The amount of thoughts

Running around my head

Killing me inside out

But they don't know

How much it hurts

What it feels like

And that’s the thing that hurts the most...

I wish they knew how easy it is to break me,

I wish they knew that behind every forced smile

there is pain and regret for something I might never have

I wish they knew that I give more than I receive

and usually am left with none, struggling to be the one left behind

Most of all I wish they knew that even though

I have all these walls build around me

I am still not made of concrete

I wish they knew I was never whole to start with

I wish they knew... but maybe some do

And maybe that's a good thing

I wish they knew... and that it would actually make a difference

(...)

and because music follows me everywhere I go :

https://youtu.be/5lZJKXtbyP0