I stand on my fingers, catching my breath. His eyes on mine, mine on his.

We stay like this for a moment. Not a sound or single breath leaves our lungs. Just a half a second more, that’s all I can take. My lips on his, the energy flowing around us. Finally I am not scared. For the first time in my life I am sure of my decisions. I am ready to take whatever consequences the life has to offer. The kiss is urgent at first, there’s been too much holding back. But after a while it turns into something sweet and slow, almost lazy. There’s no rush. I finally I know what I want. I can feel the emotions spread across my body, reaching his. No longer am I in denial. I lift my hand and wrap it around his neck, the tingling sensation once again mine.

How could I forget this…? The adrenaline, the blood boiling… I must have been blind, letting all of my anger fog all those feelings. I was ready to lose my life, the thought almost as routine as getting up in the morning. This felt right, so good. I finally found something I would miss… down here. I would miss him, and the love I have for him will surely break my heart.

I was lost in all these sensations, and I never felt happier. My other hand touches his face, gently stroking his cheek. The movement almost dropping me to the floor, everything just so intense. And for the first time ever, I can feel him responding the gesture, all of my feelings mimicked by him. I know there’s a part of him, probably the bigger part, that’s surprised by this. The part that wants to reject this, that wants to stay detached… unaffected…cruel. But it doesn’t bother me. I just take what is mine. I can feel a new dynamic spreading. Our movements so alike. Everything I give to him, he gives me back. Finally equals. He puts his arms tighter around my waist, causing my heart to flutter even more. My nervous system on its edge. His touch burning me alive.

Why must being in love mean, that you have to be a prisoner to it? How come you feel so liberated, when in fact you are being chained by it?

I can tell you one thing in response… my cage has never seemed so beautiful before. The thought of shutting the door and throwing away the key, seems very luring at the moment.

Why do you always insists, on getting yourself into trouble…? – He asks, after finally breaking away from me, his breath surprisingly as short as mine.

It’s not trouble, if it’s with you… - I say looking up at him, a wide smile on my face.

First of all… it is, I’m the most dangerous thing you will ever find in this world. Second of all… you’re so cliché.

So maybe I should censure my thoughts… speak only correctly and without any emotions? – I asked, looking up at him, trying to see all the secrets of the world in his eyes… hmm, I guess I really was cliché. A hopeless romantic. In the end, its people like me who let the stereotype live on.

Don’t you dare… - he says bending down and kissing me again. For a moment I forget my own name, and I can’t say I’m really bothered by it.

The consuming feeling swallowing me up.

Because there is nothing wrong with giving in...

....................................................

Everyday I see you

Everyday I want you

Everyday I need you

I feel empty

I begin to shake

I am nothing without you

Why can’t I tell you?

Why am I so afraid?

Why do I just watch from the sidelines?

Someday I’ll do it

Someday I’ll tell you

Someday this urge will win

But that day isn’t today

Today I have control

I hope I lose it soon

LeIcture today on particle physics.

my mPinor for this year.

I shoud pErobably attend

it woud be a gEood learning experience

so the next dDay

I set ouRt

aInd abGout aHn hTour into the lecture,

I hTave tHo go.

liEke, rReally gEo.

What can I say?

it was a great lecture.

my hands have been cold and blue

with palms forever stained with

the memories of faded scribbled ink

for as long as i can recall

even so,

the fingers looped around my wrists

and the breaths panted between us two

are red-hot and searing

and we’re two pieces cut from the same cloth

and here i know that

it’d be so easy to stitch us together

but the light that filters in through broken blinds

and the laughter that sinks into my hollowed bones,

is the weight that’s settled deep in my being

and has been my home since the first sunrise

and i have since learned better

than to run such a blatant risk and

play my hand

again