Thoughts Grow Heavy Each Year This Day
I wasn't gonna write but the thoughts won't go away... Like how you left us all 22 years ago today... Like how I miss you soo and you never got to see... All the things we'd accomplish and how awesome we would be... Or the smiles on your grand babies faces... No memories with them, their favorite parks or favorite places... So we tell stories and we show pictures to keep your memories alive... Honestly that's really how we get by and make peace, that's how we've survived... Let them know that your love was an experience, a beauty to witness, to see... Assuring them that if you could be here, there would be no other place you'd rather be... You were our super mom, we'd never see you fall... So Momma please know... Little pieces of you, still lives in us all... Missing you....
-SunKiss
Dedicated to a Beautiful Soul...
A.Carter
08.29.60 - 08.24.94
R.I.P. Mom
Dear Mom & Dad...
This has always been hard to write, but I truly believe you need to know how I feel.
Oct 1976 I come home from school to tell you about my big swim meet. Do you know what it like to never see my parents at my swim meets, because you're away and mom can't handle life? Did you ever think about how yours and moms actions effected me & the girls? No I don't think you did.
I didn't find out that my father, the preacher of the 1970's & '80's, and my perfect mom, were getting separated, because my parents the typical 'stiff upper lip' Brits couldn't tell their daughters. Life was not what it was supposed to be.
You wanted us to follow you around England, Scotland & Ireland, because that was our job, being your family. 3 daughters who dressed the same, mom who helped other women more than her own girls, because that was her job, being a ministers wife.
I loved telling everyone I moved 24 times before I was 14, I was the talk of grade school, junior high, and HS, but I never thought this devastation would hit us?
Sure, I heard everyone tell me, "Why are you your Dads favorite?" I had no idea, until I overheard our good friends lecture you and tell you, "It's not good that you can go around and tell everyone, 'Donna is my favorite', how does that make your other kids feel? Left out?" Your answer was, "She's like me, strong, she has a voice, I love her go get it attitude..I love all my girls, but Donna is my favorite" Daddy, out of 5 children I don't and will not have a favorite, you expected too much out of me, that hurt!
Then after traveling to every state and providence in Canada, YOU made the decision to move us all to the U.S.A. Did you ask us? Did you ask us as a family? I don't remember, because you chose to take over a church where the Pastor died...but did you ask how we felt? No...you didn't.
You didn't even ask if we would mind taking the 'S.S. France' on June 20, 1968. I was sick even before leaving the port because I was so excited! Did you get a sitter so you could have taken Mom out in one of the fanciest dining adventures, but no, you left her with me, while venturing out.
God must have not been too happy, considering we hit a hurricane for the next 3 days! When Mom got sick, my sisters & me, again, you got sick out of the portal. Who cleaned it Mom!
Why mom did you always have to act like a 1950's mom?!
Why was everything done in secret?
Dad why did you have affairs? Mom why did you allow him to?
There's something called, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! You hurt each other thinking we didn't know the truth! We knew, well I did, my sisters pretended, like Mom, Dad would grow out of it, but he didn't.
I could say I became rebellious at 16, drink and other drugs, but then I'd blame my self destructive behavior on 'parents'; I think their are enough kids who do that, making parents the villain.
We are responsible for our own actions, not my sisters or my parents. I blamed my behavior for years on you two. It's time to say goodbye to those wrong attitudes. How do I raise 5 children who grew up into 5 responsible adults and use me as an excuse? What they did wrong was they're fault, not mine. It's called 'tough love!
I love my kids! They made big and stupid errors, but not my problems!
So, Mom, Dad, it's time to grow up...it's never too late. I love you both, you have a family, it's time to start talking to us and your ex wife and ex husband. God will bless you, and us when we realize, not every time I say hi I shouldn't get"Well...it's been a hard last few months...sigh"
How about..it...I love you and forgive you, always...
Your Daughter
I was just a baby girl
With a little baby curl
Just a little one year old
When you left me in the cold
You couldn't bare to stay with me
From my mom you wanted free
She was a beast I understand
No one could meet her demand
See the thing that bothers me
Is that you knew she was crazy
Yet you left me by myself
Like an old dish on a shelf
Did you know it was her plan
To go and marry another man?
What for me he had in store
Well that would send you to the floor
Were you aware that late one night
He would nearly take my life?
Dying in the ICU
I didn't even know about you
I'd no idea you were my father
No one cared or seemed to bother
When I learned he wasn't my dad
I was, wow! So very glad
I started doing all I could
Everything I thought I should
Even when the days grew hotter
I wanted to be your daughter
6 foot 4 and eyes pale blue
My own brown eyes reflected you
'Your spitting image', mom would say
'Just let him love me', I would pray
I finally got to meet you
Everything she said was true
There was no doubt you were my father
And that I was your teenage daughter.
I wasn't going to do this. Then I realized that there is so much you two don't understand about me. I read the other entry's and thought, " boy am I lucky to have such great loyal parents!" Then I realized, no matter how much I love you, you won't truly understand what I'm going through right now. Mom, you always say you understand because you were my age too once, but you won't get this. Not many people will. I'm sorry that this isn't a very good entry but, I just had to get it out there.