Damn, it's got another virus.

My protection failed and I now have a virus.

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

I got it second-hand, cheap.

I can't turn it on, I think it's broken.

It is always there, luring me into what I like to do best. 

Wow, this thing is not worth what I've spent on it.

Sure, you can use it when I'm done.

I'm glad this has a mute button. 

I can force quit arguments with my middle finger.

It's getting a bit slow, but I'll replace it in a couple of years.