We all must feel the pain that makes us ache deep down in our soul. Otherwise, we aren't humans, just empty faces hidden behind a mask. When we finally feel bitterness towards everything and can't find a reason to keep going each day, then we will find mind meaning in everything. Then we will be content with life. Then we will be able to overcome our circumstances. Before we can be mended, we must first be broken. Before we can be repaired, we must first be damaged. Then, when we're crawling on our hands and knees, the process of healing begins.

The discussion I have with battling ignorance is one I could have at great lengths, in various formats. I could tell you how the teacher or educator in any field suffers truly some of the hardest paths in this regard. I could tell you all about it and not tell you enough. The pain that must be had by a person that is myself or in those fields is impatience, because we will have to exhaust SO MANY ideas to finally become successful in curing the ailment.

The statement that will become a severe tester to this resolve is “I can’t...“. Oh your ignorance is so malignant it’s the only thing your mind processes! What if you couldn’t breathe? Would you simply stop your struggle just because it didn’t come casually? You simpleton , you better pick your ass up and find out what you could do before your death looked no different than that of a person that believed they couldn’t eat.

I hear that one phrase and my ears are cut and my breathing becomes deep with frustration. I didn’t exactly live to this point because I ever at one point had “I can’t..” in my heart or head. So I will continue to cut myself on this phrase from others in my pursuit to help them learn until perhaps one day, I too have to resort to telling someone “I simply can’t, as you simply won’t.”

here’s to those unappreciated souls

that know just how heavy alone really is.

to those nights spent out of focus

blurred by shots of whiskey

chased with self-contempt.

to those days spent lost

in the labyrinth of one’s own thoughts

at times a blessing

at times a curse.

and to those legs that won’t stop running

from what we fear

from what we love

from everything.

because eventually

you will get tired of being numb.

you will get tired of doing

people and things you regret.

you will get tired of drowning in your own thoughts.

you will get tired of leaving.

and you will take a chance

or a few

or too many.

and you will get fucked

again

and start over from the top once more.

or

you won’t

and you will be ok.

for the first time

you will be ok.

A necessary pain to endure is the pain of abandonment. But its a pain that I feel motivates me to try where I never have before. It is the best motivation for me. I don't like needless suffering, I am sure many don't, as a rule we avoid it. But abandonment is something that always made me try to become better. It isn't the only one but it is the most common feeling. From at school to the dead memories of 9 years wasted in that home. The fear of abandonment and the process of avoiding it becomes vital in surviving. its over in a sense.