She wonders if she left the light on

in the bathroom at the end of the hall,

or if she remembered to start the dishwasher

on a four hour delay,

to dutifully clean while the world is asleep

and be ready and done the following day.

She wonders if she remembered

to set the alarm on her clock and her house.

She wonders if she latched the chain,

spun the lock, wonders what would have happened

had she not checked

when she heard the knock.

Her jewelry is in the bank now,

passport, SSN, the works:

safety deposit box 113.

She glances at the gun on her nightstand.

She wonders if it's enough.

More often than not,

I always think about

What reason am i still living?

I tried everything,

Be good

Negative

Follow

Lead

And more often than not

It left me unsatisfied and uncontent

I tried

Helping

Loving

Hurting

Learning

And it just lead me into thinking more

I've been bruised, stamped, bullied, trampled

Still there is nothing i could feel

So more often than not

I ponder on wonders

And it just left me

Sleep Deprived

Last night, when my body weighed me down,

I tried to lucid dream.

The last thing on my mind was, can I see myself?

I wanted to know, so bad, what I looked like from the outside.

I wanted to be able to feel my love without him being there.

I wanted to feel my breaths and watch myself breathe.

I wanted my eyes to open and I create what I saw.

I wanted to dance without ever leaving the bed.

I wanted to fly without ever really flying.

I wanted to travel to countries all from my room.

I wanted to be without being.

The weight of the world bogged my imagination and made my eyes force me to dream heavy.

Did I lock the front door

Is the A/C set to the right temperature

My lips are so chapped but I don't feel

like getting up for my chapstick

Calm down mind - I need sleep

I wonder how many times

I will toss and turn until my brain shuts off

Oh that was a good thought for a poem

hope I remember it in the morning

Why am I here? Why is this my bed, or my room, or my house? Who made this choice? What is the reason for any of this? *eyes begin to fall.* My mind screames "WHY DOES ANYTHING EXSIST?!?!?" But I can't hold it in any longer, and the sensory depriving darkness of sleep washes over me, and my last thought is "Why am I here?"