My mind seemed fuzzy, as I danced around my room.

My soul had been dipped in blood, and a crazed grin spread across my face.

I stepped on shattered ceramic, loving the blood oozing between my toes. The pain.

I danced. Around. And around. And around.

"Like a carousel!" I screamed. "Like a freaking carousel!"

Dizzy.

Dizzy.

Dizzy.

CRAZY.

Dizzy.

Dizzy.

Dizzy.

Limbs had been town of from my victims, and they were scattered across the room, with the pieces of broken ceramic.

I picked up an arm and hugged it. I loved my victims, I loved them, I loved them, I loved them.

Dizzy.

Dizzy.

Dizzy.

Crazy.

Blood, blood, blood...

I jumped onto my bed, and stuffed my mouth with pillow. I laughed into it. I laughed so hard tears streamed from my eyes.

DIZZY CRAZY DIZZY CRAZY DIZZY DIZZY DIZZY DIZZY BLOOD

I hugged a leg. "I LOVE YOU, VICTIMS!" I screamed.

BLOOOOOD

I laughed again, and rubbed my streaming eyes with a cold finger. I jumped off my bed again, and stomped on the broken ceramic. Broken broken BroKeN cccccCRRRRaaazy #]]#}[=+#\>6/)@~;9<0.(9<{#>\=.7/0(, CRAZY

I laughed into a head.

BROKEN BROKEN CRAZY

this carousel

going round and round

in reverse

taking my ceramic heart with it.

my mind

being shattered and blown

all wrong

stop thinking of

all

that

blood.

my soul's

dipped in the fucking stuff:

wiped clean

smells like insanity.

Life is like riding a Carousel

While tripping on acid

One moment you are fine

Having fun even

The next

Your mind is fucked

As you watch the ceramic horses blur with the music

A ride which will not end

No matter how much you beg the roadie to turn it off

Standing in the middle

As the shrill laughter reminds you of your shattered life

Emptiness dipped with a sugar coating

Is that supposed to make you smile?

Or are you supposed to ignore heavens price?

Paying the toll with your soul blood

Spinning

Spinning

Spinning

Spinning

Never losing

Never winning

Around

Around

Around

We go

Upon our twisted carousel

The Lennox lamb

Glaze dipped doll

The ceramic

Porcelain pig

Momentary ballet

Twirling flashes

Goes round and round

Goes wrong and wrong

One by one

Losing footing

Losing grip

Off the sides we slip

Shattered souls

Blood-less beings

Rigid replicas

Of actual Beauty

Minds of mimicry

Mime crying

Delusional illusional

Broken bastards

Her mind, twisted beyond repair. One moment she'd dream of carousels, and the next of a heartless soul. One moment of a ceramic goddess, and the next of a butcher's knife dripping blood. One moment of an ice cream dipped in chocolate, and the next of a shattered mirror whose reflection didn't match. Her mind was twisted beyond repair, no matter how much she tried.

I could never resist a Carousel. There was something magical about riding a ceramic horse around in circles to the tinkle of an invisible xylophone. My mind and soul could fly. Then it happened. I grew up. A REAL horse shattered my illusion. It threw me into the thorny hedgerow. Dipped, so to speak, in blood, I am now smarter. I'm sticking with the bronco made of plastic.

The lights swirled around us and captured our bodies, blanketing our minds. We threw our heads back and caught the air, smiling wide, breathing deeply. The trees, the sand, the pink top of the carousel, the mirror, the horses, all swirled and swirled on and on. We were no longer in our bodies.

An old myth that says voodoo will leave you on that very carousel for eternity and you never are able to turn back. We didn't believe it until this day. The day we took our visit to Elazier's. She made yoke and placed our nails in a ceramic dish. Enchantments, hymns, seeped through her soul. She pricked us with a needle and we bled. With our blood we filled the very bottom of the bowl. She shattered our depths with truths of eternity in this damned placed and dipped us in its hell. Before we left, she whispered, "carousel."

When we walked outside we heard carnival music off in the distance behind the forest's trees. Even if we tried to resist we couldn't help but walk towards it. Once there, we found it. We found the only thing that would make our souls flourish, the carousel.

The smooth, tidy turn of the mall carousel calms me, so I sit, and I stare. Pleasures are few for a shattered mind like mine, and they are simple, and they are fragile. I feel it close again, so close... Like if I stared a bit longer, it'd all come together. I'd finally be one again. I'd feel my own soul again.

But I'm not blessed with that blessing, no. The feeling fades, slips back out of reach, and God and self seem far away again. The innocents and adversaries are now ceramic dolls and demons, respectively. A hard, wicked hand touches my shoulder. I don't fight it; demons are far too common to fight them all. His voice asks me to leave, and still, it seems all too common.

I grew up with eyes fixed on the flickering god in the corner of the living room, but at seventeen, like so many others, I was thrust into a dusty tan reality that I didn't even understand. And this reality had feelings and fatigue, screams that couldn't be turned down with a remote control, and smells.

Smells, like fear dipped in sweat and blood.

Yeah, I'll leave.