I entered this room with a purpose

Perhaps the thought of why will somehow resurface

The word was just on the tip of my tongue, if I can be frank

I just went totally blank.

If you happen to see my car keys

Could you let me know please?

Pardon me if you will, I need to go find

Just where the hell I left my ever-loving mind.

Oh, and sure I will have fries with that......

I lay awake in bed, Staring into nothingness.

The feeling of loneliness, takes over me

And I start remembering things

I don't want to, Making me collapse down to my feet.

The overwhelming feeling of living up to their expectations

Beats me down, by the second

I try and try But it feels useless

School isn't what is used to be

And being a role model for someone else,

when you're struggling yourself is hard.

I take a deep breath, Wipe my face off,

say goodbye to my parents

As if i wasn't just bawling my eyes off

10 minutes ago and head out the door.

Thoughts start to arise in my head.

I look back at my house

Knowing I can't leave my anxiety there.

Dreading to leave, I cross the street and wait

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting

I step onto the bus, feeling anxious that I have to be

In an uncomforting place. So I put my headphones on and

Drown everyone out with base. Most people don't understand

what it's like,Major anxiety crawling through my veins

Stabbing me like a knife It spreads through my thoughts

Like a disease. Walking through the school halls,

Receiving dirty looks, Random stairs

And getting talked down to, like i'm lesser than everyone

Makes me paranoid to ever Walk inside school again.

The routine ever stops.

You have agitated my patience, my love

please, just a few more moments for myself here.

Children –

calm your cries and play some games,

I’m really getting to the good part here.

The doorbell now?

There are unexpected guests and now

mom’s calling randomly just to check in.

Sigh.

One day, me, one day I will find the time for myself

to keep my nose steady in reading this book. Uninterrupted.

I don't want to die today,

not like this -

on I-65 with the black exhaust

of Bubba trucks making my blood congeal

on asphalt seamed with tar and white paint.

If I'm going to die,

let it be somewhere green

while a soft breeze turns the pages of my

last moments;

let it by while I'm holding my dog and whispering

my final words into his ear.

I want to say this to the cars drag-racing their

way to work this morning.

"I don't want to die here on an interstate of strangers."

But, they don't listen, even when I blare my horn

as one of them cuts me off and I miss clipping his

bumper by mere kisses of space.

The shower is cool,

My head is hot.

My breath is begging,

It wants to wail murder.

Apparently, it's not socially acceptable.

I'll settle for this soft onslaught of water,

This snail trail of bubbles.

I can hardly remember,

What birthed this loathing,

This huddle halted in my throat.

The little baby crying?

The lady yelling?

The lack of parking?

Crap, I've been brooding not bathing.

My water bill.

I need to start lathering.

I snag the soap from the shower sill.

It squirms in my wrinkling fingers,

It smiles in pink suds and slithers out.

Plick.

The knot is rising.

It's sitting at the back of my tongue.

Don't let it out.

I bend down to pick up the soap.

It's sly; it slips again.

Plick.

The knot is at my teeth.

And it's learned a silly trick.

It slips through the cracks of my clenched grinding,

An escaped convict.

My knees hit slick white ceramic.

I silently scream.

Mouth wide open.

The white porcelain walls are watching.

My storms are now scalding.

The cold water isn't helping.

I curl.

I can't tell the tears from the shower- still spraying.

The knot is gone.

To hell with the water bill.

Janey didn’t take shit from anyone, but, as she always asserted, she didn’t like being an asshole either.

It was a beautiful spring day at the end of May as she rounded the corner to turn right, she banked a little too wide and ended up in the middle of the sidestreet, where she saw the biker coming down the middle as well. She corrected her course to the right to allow the biker more room. The biker moved over as well to his side. As she passed the biker, she smiled to further the kind courtesy shared by those who share the road. The biker gave her a horrible entitled face that nearly yelled, “You better move over. I’m a biker and have priority over you, gas-guzzling bitch.”

Janey turned sharply to the left in a mock attempt to hit him. The biker’s face immediately changed from one of smugliness to one of horror as he jerked his bike away in horror. Janey made sure that he hadn’t crashed before she erupted into laughter.

“What now, douchebag?” said Janey to her rear view mirror, “What now?”

7 AM, woke up late

the next 10 minutes will decide my fate

I know that I won't get to work on time

but I'm rushing to get on the road.

Glasses aren't where I left them last night

and my keys are in the other room,

I'm brushing my teeth and ordering breakfast

the clock's ticking down to my doom.

Pants on, shirt buttoned

hands full with no lunch in them

I forgot to grab my phone again

so I run back inside, 7:05.

Back out

got everything

car's locked

keys in my pocket

hands full

drop my coffee

get in the car

covered in coffee

and it's Wednesday.

I could have sworn

I came down the stairs

for something or the other

but if I did,

I'd probably lose my head. Because as soon as I leapt

off that last step, I had

already forgotten

the reason why I came.

Marching feet travelling up

the smooth staircase, with crunched eyebrows and pouty lips; a confused face I wear.

I plant one foot on the bed

In a classic thinking man pose,

I squint my eyes and my mind says, "Okay! I made it up to my

room again! Now, try to remember

what you forgot to get

when you were already downstairs."