your face is a mask

hiding nothing

your arms are weak

with many men

your new car is a hearse

your words fall carelessly

off your chin

and into the hearts of good people

willing to believe in you

your chest is a bottomless stomach

and your mind is fevered and calculated

your lips are loose wet leaves

and your soul is used grey lumps

unwashable, unlearning

only things down there are

your lies and

scapegoats

but it’s all starting to fade now

your face is showing what you’ve

caused around the country

you never thought anyone would figure it out

but I did before I gave up on you

you’re a female Dorian Gray.

In the kitchen

Broad light of day

4 days later

The ink wasn't dry

Of course this was just another moment of love on borrow

Smoothing the wrinkles left behind

A band aid on a bruised ego

I'm the salve for burned heart

Irony wears a pretty dress

So many times ears have played fool

Words so eloquently strung in a score

Only later to burn into an apathetic scar

Repeatedly the burden falls

Into no longer quivering arms

No time

Not a single grain of sand will ever again be allocated

The moon is mine alone

Singing me to safety

My secrets tucked away

Interviews turned away

I always did score high on your card, the praises and false understanding

No sutures for a heart left by the side of the road

Now part of the landscape

I gave my all. I did everything I felt was right from the bottom of my heart. I exclaimed from the top of my lungs with the effort of every molecule of my existence. I charmed the crowd as people screamed with excitement. One would call me insane for not being content with this reaction, but for some indescribable reason this one whisper from the crowd is what spoke loudest to me. It spoke in a deceptive tongue like that of a manipulative killer. It destroyed every inclination I had towards smiling. It destroyed my sanity. The whisper manifested itself into every one of the thousands of thoughts I had in the next day. I went from being on top of the world to feeling the pressure that the core of the earth must feel.

I felt as if I could trust you,

But I was wrong.

I felt as if I could touch you,

But I should not have believed it.

I felt as if I could like you,

But I was wrong.

I felt as if I could be you,

But I should not have believed it.

I felt as if I could love you,

But I was wrong.

I felt as if I could want you,

But I should not have believed it.

I felt as if I could know you,

But I was wrong.

I felt as if I could have you,

But I should not have believed it.

You're anywhere besides where you should be.

You're anywhere besides the place that you told me.

You're anywhere besides that I need for you to see.

And yet, I doubt you're worried.

I doubt you're concerned.

For I was the fool trapped by you,

And I can't believe that I was, too.

You were anything but good,

But God knows that didn't stop me.

You didn't do what you should,

But God knows that's how it was meant to be.

You were supposed to stay by my side.

Instead, you strayed.

And for all my troubles,

Our parting I only delayed.

all you had to do

was tell me

"use your words"

isn't that what they say?

how could you leave me without a word

and expect that to satisfy me

when I gave you my all

i'm not mad because

"you hurt my feelings", per say

i'm not upset that something

that was never meant to last

didn't

you didn't hurt my feelings because

(if you want the real answer)

i never really cared about you either

but the fact that you can't bring yourself

to look in my direction

to speak to me

to say the words "it's over"

is rather

disappointing.

I asked you to prom

You denied me on the spot

You said it was because of her

I felt so distraught

I knew you loved her

But I still tried hard

I should not have attempted to

Now I'm left scarred

I cried that night

Because I could not have you

She holds your heart

We know it's true

I need to forget this sorrow

All this pain is killing me

I want it to end

Why don't you set me free

I'm drowning in pain

My eyes are dry

No more tears can fall

Not one single cry

Trust was broken. Words misspoken. Times were tough. Life is rough. Joy was taken. Emotions I hated. Instant fire, spreading through my veins, only a desire, to never be tamed. Drive was given, for things not forgiven. Heart was fierce and filled with rage. Love can't pierce this page. Dreams are realized without him there, happy knowing he never cared. Release from this prison where I am in a cage. Hoping that someone will come along and save...this wretched soul...from horror within and without. Discovering what the future is all about. Great strength to those who can choose. Greater strength to those who have no choice when they lose, but to endure and move on. To choose to be strong. And find that hope which was there all along.

The last time I was disappointed was when I figured out that my dad and my brother were going to the play off game Seahawks vs. panthers. They were supposed to be at my first gymnastics meet of the season but they had to go to the game. They should have taken me but they didn't. My dad is also going to the play off game packers vs. Seahawks witch I'm also disappointed about because I want to go so bad. That was the 2 last big things that I was disappointed about but I was disappointed when we had to get pizza tonight instead of sushi. Another was when I was not allowed to go to my friends house because I had to work on homework. And I am a Seahawks fan so GO HAWKS!!!