And finally it's stopped -

The beat

The pulse

The hum

No matter how hard you bleed you know you will succumb

To the finality of death -

Of love

Of hope

Of dreams

You stitch it back together but all you get are empty seams

Even without the will -

You count

You breathe

You press

There's no DNR on file so they'll pump you nonetheless

Until regardless of feelings -

It stalls

It beeps

It starts

No matter how much damage there's no replacing broken hearts

Step 1: If you are still friends, don't act like everything is normal... Cuz it's not.

Step 2: Resist all urges to make them jealous by dating someone new. (Really not a smart move. -_-)

Step 3: Find someone to cry with. Don't hold it in.

Step 4: Listen to a bunch of sad music so you can feel better about yourself. (IDK it just works, okay?)

Step 5: Okay, now get over yourself. They weren't right for you and it won't help to wallow in self pitty. Go have fun with your friends, and when it feels right again don't be scared to try. ^-^

i stand naked before you

stripped of my artificial shields

more, you cry

more,

a crazed look in your eye

i peel away the tender flesh covering my heart

words spill out, a rush of energy & light

my soul to bare

the cursor flashes beating to the rhythm of my pulse

i press publish

electrical currents of technology carrying a piece of my soul

a binary language conversion

twisted and re-formed to fill your screen

#cerebraltherapy #heal #writer #howtomoveon

Stop trying; you can’t move on without being here first.

It’s like how you can’t leave your house without first being inside.

It’s like how you can’t let go of anger without first being angry.

It’s like how you can’t forgive someone without them first doing something that needs to be forgiven.

It’s like how you can’t look forward to spring if it’s never winter.

You can’t move on without being here first. So be here. The moving on will happen when you’re ready.

Hold my heart tenderly

Lead me to my path gently

Coz I’m just a little drop of water

Trying to cross

and find my way

back home

wish i could tell you

how to move on

but i won't have a clue.

i still dwell on things long past,

relationships both good and bad,

friends both dishonest and true,

i dwell on them

like rereading my favorite book

over and over they replay,

but i don't love them the way

i love books.

i experience them over and over,

like doing community service during jail time

you don't want to,

but you have to.

and so i'm trapped in the vortex of memory.

waiting for the black hole

to dump me in a new world.

but now,

i'm still travelling,

floating through a black hole

of broken thoughts.

i can't tell you how to get over it.

i wish i could.

but if i knew,

i'd dig myself out first.

because life has taught me

that if you help others before yourself

you end up rotting in a ditch.

Hi.

I'm done with this.

I just can't do it anymore.

In October, when we first started talking again, every time you called me it was like falling in love with every world that came out of your mouth. And it was different then, because I could convince myself that you loved me back. That every awful thing you did to me was out of love or confusion, or in my most optimistic moments that you were trying to save me from you. That you knew I was too kind for you, and you were trying to push me away to save me from your darkness. And I know that since you told me you didn't love me things were supposed to get easier. We were supposed to be able to do what you have been doing all along. Sex. just sex with nothing else behind it. But the problem is that once you ripped the idea that maybe we could be in love out from under me all that was left was the truth about what has been going on on and off for the past four years: you hurt me. Over and over and over again and you knew what you were doing and you didn't care. I still fall for you every time you speak to me, every time you call me pretty or tell me you missed me, but it's not falling in love anymore, it’s falling off a cliff. I've realized that even if you told me right now that you have loved me all this time, that all of my hopes were true and that now you were ready to love me back, I wouldn't accept it because even at my weakest, most vulnerable moments where I feel so small and the world feels so big and I worry that you are the only person alive who has any interest in protecting me from it, I know that I can't love someone who hurt me so badly. You watched me break myself into these tiny little pieces and put them back together in the order that you like them, you watched me fall apart in front of you, push other people away, wait around all day long just hoping that you would call when you know better than anyone that that's not who I am. Sex, however good it is, isn’t worth letting you think you can hurt me like that and still have access to me. Sex isnt worth you using me, it isnt worth you hurting me, it isnt worth the shame i feel when you hang up and im left having to acknowledge how far backwards I have stepped and how much more work I have created for myself.

I wish I didn't have to do this. I wish we could have made it work, I wish it hadn't stopped working now, when I am perhaps most poorly equipped to handle a loss like this, I wish you could have just been the good person I tried so hard to turn you into in my head, but it doesn't matter because we do, and we can't, and it did, and its happening now, and much as i might spend the rest of my life trying to convince myself that you are good, a good person would never do this to someone they care about.

Please dont text me, because i promise you this time I will not respond. Don't call me because I wont answer. I am asking you please to let me finally fucking heal from this and move on. I am begging you to let me go and find someone with thicker skin who can handle the things you put me through because it's not me.

Im done.

@miki5

I looked at him.

I loved him.

And he made me the happiest in all the world.

But..

Now thats gone.

And I have no one to love but myself.

So I will.

I will love myself more than anyone ever could.

And with that, the pain slowly goes away.

Slowly forgetting the ache in my heart.

And the days slowly diminish with I think of him.

And soon I will be new again.

I will feel complete again.

Whole.

I’ll say I regret everything and wish I’d never met you.

But the truth is I don’t.

I don’t regret our first date when I jumped in the pool with you even though it was freezing.

I don’t regret the night at the hotel my parents celebrated their wedding in when you stole a bottle of wine and popped the cork with your thumb.

And I don’t regret the seemingly thousands of times I lay my head in your chest and time seemed to suspend indefinitely.

But I do regret not truly listening to myself.

You didn’t want to keep a shirt I tried to give you. You wanted to donate it.

You were always evasive and quick to call me “beautiful” and tell me how “insanely gorgeous” I am.

But compliments are the cheap vodka of failed relationships.

I got drunk on the way you treated me and now I’m stuck with a headache.

Maybe I had it coming.

But maybe I didn’t.

I’ll curse every Fay Weber song and curse myself for all the time I spent thinking about you.

I’ll curse whiskey because of all the times I tasted it in your mouth.

Deep down in my gut, I knew.

I always did.

But I was drunk on a mixture of your cheap compliments, gestures, and Deep Eddys Lemon Vodka (I hope you taste me in every sip. Especially when you drink it with her.)

But you were sober.

And now I am too. Just left with a headache you gave me.

But every hangover goes away.