When I told you I loved you

you said you did too

Only now do I realize

you were talking about you

You're in love with yourself

and to be honest

I don't know what else I expected

eyelids completely shut, I resented the fact that I'd never see that shade of brown ever again. veins traced under her skin like a map, every memory ever plotted out, buried in her chest. the natural flush of her cheeks had already washed away, leaving behind a pallid color. her entire face was hollow, an empty shell of her former self.

I clutched onto her ice-cold hand all night, my tears warmer than her skin.

she was dead.

I don't know what else I expected.

I step into the rain with salt lick shoes and as they melt away I remember the look you gave me the first day you stayed

our routine of leaving was interrupted by your irrational desire for nearness

it wasn't something you were used to but my fingers were coated in honey dew and as I touched your skin you grew accustomed to the lack of space between our faces

how could I argue with your rose petal words and thorny tongue that captured mine in an embrace so deadly I only felt the effects once I pulled away

everything was a hazy golden and I think I forgot the contract of casualty in which our contact was founded and we exchanged the forbidden fruit

we were never intentional and when I think of the consequences I flinch on instinct you were never very careful with me

everything circled around convenience and somewhere I lost the honest agreement with the way you twisted my heart around your finger like a rubber band

your knuckles mistook me for a brick wall but I still caught you when you'd fall

the saltwater in the soles of my shoes is rusting my toes and I can't move anywhere but towards you

it's a curse I'm surviving but you took away my life

I only left once you picked up the knife not that you had never pointed it in my direction but this time I detected your true intention

for once it was safer to run

Snowflakes circled in the icy air, landing on my nose and eyelashes. My scarf was knitted with them. I watched my breath cloud in the air and disappear. I rubbed my mittened hands together, as the cold bit them now and then. I had been waiting here for fifteen minutes, and was getting cold. Where was Shelly?

A figure appeared out of the fog, and waved at me. "Sorry to keep you waiting," Shelly apologized. "I was reading."

I pursed my lips. "Goodness, Shelly, if you keep up with that reading, you'll die."

"I won't DIE," Shelly snorted.

"What do you do all day, again?" I asked.

"Read."

"No exercise?"

"Well..."

"Uh-huh. Come on. We'll be late." Truth be told, we were not going to be late if we tried. I was just tired of talking. Shelly followed me into the castle, but did not seem happy about it. She kept making small whimpering sounds, like the cold hallways were full of ghosts. It sure looked like they could be.

It was a stone castle, with knights lining the hallways. The hallways had velvet carpet across the floor, and was dimly lit by torches, which were somehow still burning from a week ago, the first time me and Shelly investigated it. You seem confused. I'll explain.

For two hundred years, the castle had been rumored to have a missing object in it. You sigh, "Whatever, a missing object. Like... The torches?" No. A crystal ball, that could see into the past. Now you say, "And... What use is that? Nothing." Completely correct! It'll be fun, though.

Me and Shelly's footsteps echoed in the hallways, but were muffled by the carpet.

Finally, Shelly muttered, "Uh, I have a bad feeling about this."

I didn't. "Shelly, you'll be fine. It's just a stupid castle."

I saw Shelly's eyes tear up with frustration. "You know what? No. I'm not doing it. This is dumb, and I'm scared." Shelly strutted toward the door, and slammed it in my face.

I don't know what else I expected.

I should have seen it coming, but it was too late. Shards of my broken heart were strewn carelessly around me. You were no where to be seen, so I was left to pick up the pieces. The sharp glass edges of my fragile heart cut me deeply. There was no way I could fix this mess. You'd done too much damage. I stare down through my tearful eyes at what's left of me, wishing it could have ended differently, but I don't know what else I expected.

You said, "you're beautiful"

You said, "you're so smart"

You said I was funny and different and someone you could actually talk to.

But I guess you liked me better through your phone screen because whenever we hung out you never really looked at me or spoke to me and I don't know what else I expected.

Time for some nonfiction comedy! I'm so glad I get to tell this story!

Okay, so, in seventh grade I was kind of weird. We all were. But I was wayyyy into drawing, and I had these amazing erasable pens that I treasured like gold. I took 'em with me everywhere.

So one time at a class meeting, I left them on a table to talk to a teacher-- and out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone take them right off the table, not a few feet away!

I was too passive to confront them directly, so I memorized their face and waited for an opportunity to ask nicely for them to give it back.

When I finally got the chance, it was study hall. I tried to be as polite and forgiving as I could, even though I was super mad. I said, "hey, you might have taken my pen by mistake, can I have it back?"

And I swear to you, this guy turned over his laptop case and THOUSANDS of pens and pencils spilled out. I've never seen so many writing utensils in the same place. It was a legitimate PILE!

And he just goes, "which one is yours?"

I didn't even know what to do. I picked mine off the top and just... Walked out. The guy was nutty, a freakin' kleptomaniac if I've ever seen one. I don't know what I expected, but it was NOT that!

Eyes, gently pulling towards each other

Your soul taps

Tugs

Tackles mine.

Your lips stuck

My lips afraid

But our eyes tearing into each other

Gently caressing each other

Comforting

Longing

You stare

I glare

My mind is tired

It reacts

Gently swaying to you

But inside my heart, with the speed of a cheetah, has grabbed yours.

Captured

We approach

We stand

We contemplate

Thoughts beating at my clenched teeth.

Then we go the other way...

.....like always...

I don't know what else I expected.