I’m so sorry that I do not know the answer to everything.

I’m so sorry that I do not know how to help.

I’m so sorry that all I can say is I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry that I was so so so oblivious to what you were going through,

I’m so sorry that I have only been focusing on my own problems,

instead of trying to see beyond your fake happiness.

I’ve been so blind, so oblivious.

I’ve been such a bad friend, not noticing how you are suffering,

not being able to see beyond my own problems.

I’m so sorry.

I’m so sorry for being this person,

I’m so sorry for the moments when I cannot speak,

I’m so sorry for the bad habits, and the outbursts.

I’m so so so sorry.

Sorry I didn’t look after you, and didn't take the time to understand how you felt.

Sorry I didn’t make the best decisions for you or invest in you for the future.

Sorry you had to look for happiness elsewhere which only left you disappointed.

Sorry I didn’t love you properly and always looked at your faults.

Sorry I didn’t know better...but now I do.

Sincerely,

The new you.

I'm sorry that happened to you;

But if we went back in time,

I would do it again.

(And that doesn't make my apology mean any less.)

So dip my words in sugar if you will,

But I prefer honesty unsweetened.

All my life, I wanted to outmatch Atlas. I was determined to hold every world upon my back--my world, my mother's world, your world.

Especially your world.

And for a while, I did. I was everything you needed me to be. I wiped your tears, left candy on your doorstep, brought soup when you were feverish. I gave up my first kiss so no stranger could ruin yours. I was so happy to be your pillar.

But when Atlas stumbled, you didn't know how to be my pillar. When Atlas fell flat on his face, your own world became too heavy for you to bear.

I'm so, so sorry I never taught you how.

I'm so sorry that I still haven't gotten back on my feet.

I'm so sorry that I can't hold up our worlds anymore, and I'm so sorry that I can't expect you to help me.

No matter how many times you forgive me, I will always be sorry.

No need to

APOLOGIZE

for you have done nothing

WRONG

But you don't know what I've done,

the NIGHTMARES that I enjoy

the deeds I wish could be

UNDONE.

You say there's no need

to say sorry

yet I have so much

to apologize for.

I'm sorry

because

I've always been yours

and yet all the things you say

fall through the holes in my psyche.

I wish

I could

FORGIVE

myself,

but how can you forgive me

when you know not what I've done?

Can you ever understand

that evil is a state of mind

one that I exist in?

So don't say

there's no need

to apologize

because there's no need

for you to know my original sin

I will keep it to myself.

You will stand by my side,

yet won't know

if you're left or right

Even by my side,

you're above me,

because I've sunk so low

I'll never return

My body is trapped

in the concrete sidewalk you walk upon

And you walk upon my body with ease.

You think you're by my side

but you're already inside

and I will forever hang

upside down

on the outside.

Don't tell me there's no need to apologize

because my every need is satisfied

by pain.

No need

to say anything more.

Because I will keep apologizing

and you'll keep believing

my lies.

i knew you were going to do it.

you had never come to visit before

and when i saw the money

on the coffee table

i should have told mom what i realized

but i just didn’t

and they found you the next day.

(she really misses you)