you fed me honey-coated poison

(venom labeled LOVE)

trading kisses for bruises

and stealing Neverland

how did my youth taste

when you guzzled it like cheap whiskey

burning my innocence to the ground?

if you aren’t something

then you are nothing

you told me

and I was never

anything

to you

my eyes did not shine with galaxies

my voice didn’t move nations

and when I sang

the world did not fall silent

my bloodied hands incapable of weaving dreams

Not old enough to be so twisted

so i’m young?

kind of you to remember that now

whispering behind hands given

everything

casting sideways glances

like broken is contagious

sick

crazy

monster

they carved a thousand names

into my skin

i collected every curse

filling in the gaps of a stolen childhood

i am something

but why is it not enough?

Young body

old soul

Inhales cigarette smoke

to puff it out and contemplate the question

"what is reincarnation?"

cigarette goes out

relight it with the flames of the burning city

deep inhales turn to coughs.

tears from more than just the impending lung cancer

a shakey breath drawn as the contrast is admired,

how can the sky be so calm in the midst of chaos?

How lucky the gods are to not be down here,

a smile, a wish, a shake of the head,

and a leap of lacking faith

that begs the second part of the question

"And how do I stop it?"

So I'm young. Unfortunately this doesn't make me deserving of any awards, since merely being young is simple and takes no effort (it's living life, and not just being in a state of youth, that counts for something). But I wonder; why don't our good seniors get awarded? If I were one I'd appreciate some kind of certificate of accomplishment to put on my wall: "Well done, you made it," sort of thing. Perhaps the reason no one manufactures these encouraging certificates is that most folks over a certain age are too busy tring to conceal the fact that they are, in fact, not young. Personally, I'm going to enjoy my old age by drinking tea and writing all day; and I'd like to do it with the comfort of a certificate of accomplishment hanging near and cheering me on.

so

i'm

young

maybe

that's

why

i'm

delicate

like

the

petals

of

a

withered

rose

@-->---

So I'm young.... ok I'm really not. I wouldn't call myself ancient, but I am definitely not young. I remember when I was a teenager and my Dad was my current age, and I considered that kind of old. Well now I'm that old. I am a grown up, and although I have a career (and a career goal I'm working on), kids of my own, and grown up responsibilities, I still feel unqualified to be an adult. All the same, I am really enjoying this point I am at in my life. It is neat talking to my parents now as an adult child, and it is cool to think that someday I will get to do the same with my kids when they grow up, and it will be interesting to get their perspectives if they wind up sharing the same feelings I currently have about being a grown up. I enjoyed being young, but I have no desire to go back to it. I love where I am now as I continue to pursue my goals, and I look forward to where the future goes as I head there....