It isn't fun,

When you're holed up,

Crammed in your nook..

It isn't fun,

When all the days are same,

When all the looks

Make you feel more tired...

The blinking phone,

The drowsy lanes,

The coffee gone cold,

The silent rains.

Day melts into night,

And bleeds into day.

No difference between

The different days...

Tired of being

So tired.

Another lockdown.

Really?

You really want some air,

To fill your lungs to the brim.

We want to put an end

To this nightmarish dream..

The lake feels vital, now, even more than before Covid. I’ve paddled Keuka’s waters, swum in them, and on its shores I’ve picnicked, sipped wine, gotten married. For 15 years we’ve lived a short drive away, and to go somewhere in April and May we’d pick up ice cream at a drive thru and take it to a park just below the north tip so we’d remember it was there. As I type I hear Keuka through the window of this rented house, waves rushing in and wind blowing its moisture undetectably onto my skin. It’s beneath the skin, too: a lake is personal, just as a lake is infinite. Yesterday I crested waves around the bluff just after dawn, but this morning it was placid, and I laid the paddle across the kayak to join the stillness. Drifting in the wideness, the world felt large again.

zoom.

it's all

on zoom

now.

those tiny

snatches of

video,

an unauthentic

slice of

somebody else's

life.

pixelated

glitchy

frames,

unblinking

staring

faces.

and the

echo,

the cursed

echo-

it comes out

of nowhere

courtesy

of someone's

bad internet

connection-

but i mean,

who doesn't

have bad

connection

these

days?

and then,

there's those

people,

with their

mic

and video

off.

they're

obviously

watching

YouTube.

so why the heck

are they even

here?

a chat

spiralling

out of control,

getting political.

is anyone

even paying

attention?

it's all

so

chaotic.

zoom.

a beautiful

tragedy

born

from

corona.

It's been over four months now since either of us has gone to a barber/salon

It's been over two months since I raided the hair care section at the grocery store

It's been over a month since my partner switched to wearing

a bright

neon-green

scrunchy

It's been every day that I struggle to wake up, only to realize -

This is the most adorable thing I've ever seen.

<3

Death dons a new face

and the whole world hides behind a mask,

has quarantined itself indoors;

yet, each morning brings new mourning

as statistics continue to worsen.

The odds are in our favor

but every day I still read story

after story

after story

of those lost to this virus,

those whose odds were not favorable.

Sure, my chance of survival is high but what if

I’ve made a mistake,

my preventative measures not cautious enough?

Any day now, it could be my name in the paper,

just another number lost in the statistics.

I obsessively look out the window

keeping watch for an enemy impossible to see.

Like this old house, my body groans and creaks;

every new noise has me panicked

about an unwanted visitor.

There is always a thermometer in my mouth now,

the constant smell of bleach on every surface.

I have not felt my lover’s touch in months.

We promised to let nothing come between us—

all it’s taken is 125 nanometers.

There is a killer on the loose

600 times smaller than the diameter of a strand of hair,

her hair that used to be everywhere.

Her smell in my clothes, in my sheets,

the subtle reminders of her frequent presence

washed away with disinfectant.

We must stand apart now

to improve the odds we can live a long life

together when this is all over.

This is the happiest love I’ve ever known

and I stay awake at night worried

that I won’t make it long enough to hold her again,

that I’ll wake up in a lonely hospital room,

machines keeping me alive.

I stay awake at night worried

that all the bleach, all the Lysol,

all the masks the in world, all the distance

won’t make a difference.

I stay awake at night worried

that I will be prematurely plucked from this life

and never get the chance to love her

for as long or as much as she deserves.

coating my hands with this alcoholic based liquid

breathing into the quietness

when what I smell is miasma, the stench

trying to undo and wash away my sins

humans didn’t care,

appreciate the bliss, 

now it’s a nightmare

this alcohol-based sanitizer,

went beyond the skin

to clear away those sins

now we cherish those days

when we had the freedom

now we appreciate that

when we’re stuck in a cage.

distances bought us closer

the mask is worn to filter the air,

prevention is better than cure,

so why do we commit a crime and undo it?

before I wore a mask to conceal my emotions

now its shown as an act of love

quarantine makes me realize

is shutting ourselves in four walls so difficult?

when we are pacing in our lives

forgetting about the world

friend, family, 

we have shut our minds in quarantine

but now I have finished the isolation of my mind

when I think of the past 

it makes me realize how inhumans- humans are

tangled in this mess of life

forgetting about others.

It started out fine. Just a break that’s all.

I didn’t know it would last up til fall.

Sent home from work and school alike.

Thats not bad. I‘ll take a ride on my bike.

What? I can’t even leave my own little yard?

That’s going to be tough to try to regard.

I’m stuck at home and can’t go out.

I don’t have a reason to be up and about.

I’ll sit here, recline,

drink a small glass of wine.

Five months of that,

I’ll be totally fat!

I need to get up, do the chores

wash the floors, windows, and doors.

I start my spring cleaning spree.

I clean til I’ve got every last bit of debris.

Now what to do? I’ve been put to the test.

At this point should I even get dressed?

I’m going crazy day by day.

No friends, no fun, just stay, stay, stay.

I picked up a hobby here and there,

so I wouldn’t risk pulling out all of my hair.

Badminton, breakdancing, beading, baking,

I even at one point tried candlestick making.

I pinned and I sewed ten pairs of shorts.

Now it’s time I learned some new sports.

I’m good at tennis, and my sister can play.

But the shipment of balls has a minor delay.

Basketball? No. I don’t have a hoop.

Basketball also requires a sizable group.

Football? Mmm, no. Soccer? Takes room.

Quidditch it is! Run and get us a broom.

I’ll get out my costume and paint on a scar.

The snitch will be a remote controlled car.

The quaffle a soccer ball.

The bludger a baseball.

Get the family out! We’ll have us a game.

Wait, they said that quidditch is lame?

I sulk back indoors and cannot decide.

What can I do that I haven’t already tried?

I’m hungry, I think. I go get a snack.

Twenty minutes later, I’m already back.

All I have is family home with me here.

They make me so crazy at times that I fear

my sanity has been stolen

and my brain has been swollen

from thinking too much

about my clogs being Dutch.

And sometimes I have fears

that this could go on for years.

But for now I just hope for the best

and try not to be stressed.

This will all be gone by the time I die...

Psych! That was a big lie.

I’ll probably catch it and end up in bed,

have to stay in a hospital until I am dead.

Quarentine sucks, but it is for the best.

We get to stay home and get to have rest.

The chrysanthemum was a lovely species of dendranthema grandiflora. It's favorite season, of course, was spring; for, the acoustics of the wind and the vibrations of pollinating insects keptife exciting. Not only was this equinox beautiful, it was desirable because the once housebound human reappeared-whistling on a walk, playing with laughing children in the park and sitting close by on the green grass with a bounteous feast of varied treats packed in a picnic basket. The smell is something I've dreadfully missed, as it seemed to bankrupt me of the knowledge that I was but a flower and could not enjoy the delightful tastes.

That biographical sketch was life then, when the wind blew me back and forth and the human took the time to observe my beauty and when bouquets were created for parties-a time when my friends and I could feel useful to society. All has changed now. Life used to teems with busy activity, yet now all of the humans are in hiding. There is no one to marvel at my fine lines and inquisitive nature. The epidemic has taken away our value and it is as though I shall never be the same.

I met Ned at a neighborhood gathering in Spring of 2019 with no physical attraction or even a second thought. In November I saw him at another party on the street and again he did not stir any emotions or curiosity. My disinterest could be attributed to the fact that I was in a relationship with Elmer and conversations of living together had become serious. Elmer and I had been dating for 18 years and I could never commit to marriage due to my PTSD from my failed marriage to my childrens’ father. Mark’s abusive nature ruined my hope for ever trusting another man to be my partner for life. Elmer and I had zero in common but we enjoyed each others company. He had never voted until 2016 when he was all about Trump and I held my tongue more often than not as I was not a fan. Along came 2020 with Covid 19, civil unrest, and an emergency shutdown of the country which led to a heated discussion turned argument that ended the relationship. Grateful that this revelation happened before I moved in with him made the transition easier but definitely added to my level of anxiety.

The stay at home orders in April had me spending the majority of time outdoors in a hammock and walking my dog every four hours. Front porch time led to an increase in conversations with neighbors and another run in with Ned. At this time with Elmer out of the picture I looked at Ned the neighbor differently. I found him amusing and he made it clear that he liked my company as well. We loved the same music and would dance until way past my bedtime. The chemistry was undeniable and for him to be so conveniently located two doors down was a bonus. I had hit the Pandemic Jackpot of stay at home orders. We played dominoes, pickled peppers and okra from his garden, watched The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings trilogy, and naturally made each other laugh out loud.

We quickly became neighborfriends with benefits but it seemed to be so much more.

For the first time ever I was comfortable in my own skin. Could Ned by my person?

I didn’t want this fairytale to end but now he is socially distancing himself leading me to believe this was just a pandemic fling. At 54 years old the feelings of rejection sting and have me questioning if I did something wrong, said something inappropriate, have halitosis or like Jimmy Buffet music - not to be enjoyed every single day. Agonizing over the reasons why he lost interest overnight have me feeling like a silly teenager. Perhaps it has nothing to do with me and he is just moody or has multiple personalities. Regardless of the reason, I am working hard to focus on the refreshing fun times we had together rather than dwell on the absence of my pandemic fling neighborfriend. It was entertaining to daydream about actually falling in love again but I will chalk it up to my silver lining to 2020.

@PaperbackFish

Quarantine, it's been, well it was there. For some, it was long and boring and dreadful. For others, it was joyful and not long enough. During quarantine, I lived between three worlds...

My first is the outside world where people are either dying or losing loved ones left, right and centre. Where poverty is worsening. Where people are loosing their jobs and their livelihoods. Where the pandemic prevails and is ruining the world at all chance it gets.

It is dark and morbid and almost dystopian. I chose to spend as little time in this world as humanly possible.

My second is warm and safe and comes in the comfort of my own home. Where I read and write and bake. Where I laugh and talk with all those I love. Where I can learn anything and everything without it being a bore. Where I don't have to change out of my pj's, or do my hair or even get out of bed because I have no one to be or anyone to see. Where I can sit on the couch all day eating chips and drinking coke and all the things that I shouldn't be eating. Where I am able to do nothing but read books all day. Where every day is a lazy day and that is absolutely okay. A world where all I have is time, time to do all the things that I enjoy but have no time to do when the world is not in a pandemic.

My third is not like any of my others and most may call it fictional but what matters is that it's real to me. It's a world I find in books, films and my own imagination. A world of magic, witches, wizards, dragons, faes and warriors. A world of action, adventure, of heroes and villains, of friendships and relationships. A world of all the maybes, and could be and have-beens.

My only regret about my third world is that it is fiction and eventually no matter how hard I try I must leave that world and those people and those adventures have to end and I have to go back to reality...