I was

cold,

distant

detached,

withdrawn,

from the world around me.

Walls of solid, frozen, ice,

strong and hard as diamond,

I built all around me,

completely impenetrable.

Ice picks,

were toothpicks in their presence,

against my looming frozen forts,

no one could break it down,

or even chip it a little.

They gave up in the end.

One by one,

they left.

I guess,

that’s the point of walls,

right?

Protection,

so no one can ever get in.

But I wasn’t happy.

As I watched from my palace of ice,

people leaving,

one by one.

Abandoning me.

I broke down in tears.

I wanted warmth.

I wanted comfort.

I wanted love.

No one cared.

No one wrapped me with warm woollen blankets.

No one sat beside me while I cried myself to sleep.

No one hugged me to give me the warmth and closeness,

that I desperately craved for.

No one kissed away my tears that froze over.

Perhaps I asked for it.

I never held out my hand and reached out.

I never asked for the help and love I knew I needed.

I was so damn stubborn,

too damn proud,

or maybe just too damn pathetic.

***

Then you came along,

comforted me,

with all your warmth,

and fiery compassion,

fuelled by your love.

You cared.

You wrapped me with the warm woollen blankets called, “love”

You sat beside me while I cried myself to sleep, giving me your silent support.

You hugged me, giving me the warmth and closeness,

that I always desperately craved for.

You kissed away my tears that froze over,

one by one.

And one by one,

my walls melted.

And then,

all around me,

the walls came crashing down.

She would stand alone in the corners, hidden behind dark curtains and walls invisible to all eyes but hers. She would watch the others talking and laughing with their friends, and as much as she wanted to join them, she couldn't bring herself to part those curtains and step outside.

She was afraid.

She was afraid that they would judge her, that she wasn't skilled enough, that they wouldn't appreciate the few skills she did have. So she shrank back, boxed herself in by walls she refused to allow to break.

When the crisis hit, she was no longer able to watch the friends play together. Her bedroom became her corner, her box, and after a while, her prison. She saw the world through a screen, experiencing everything she could before but alone, solitary.

Her confidence grew, inch by inch, so slowly that even she didn't notice.

And slowly the walls of that box grew thinner, until they vanished entirely. And the curtains parted, and she was blocked only by the confines of her own room.

And then, finally, she was released.

She still stood in corners, but there was nothing but air between her and the world. She watched the others talking and laughing with their friends, but she didn't move to join them.

But she wasn't afraid.

No ice wall is melting around me. On the contrary, I am surrounded by a wall thicker than ice. This wall is so big and so thick that I can’t believe I’m going out of it and heading for happiness...

The height of this wall:

equal to the sky

This is the thickness of the wall:

like a mountain

The bricks of this wall:

disappointment

The colors of this wall:

unhappiness and impossibility

This is the foundation of the wall:

lack of self-confidence

The stones of this wall:

grief and sorrow

The sands of this wall:

pain and anxiety

***

Oh, my God! Please, help me to win this wall. I can't see any chances for victory...

No ice wall is melting around me. On the contrary, I am surrounded by a wall thicker than ice. This wall is so big and so thick that I can’t believe I’m going out of it and heading for happiness...

The last thing I remembered was a soft, warm bed. This was nothing like it. My face was wet and cold and I was pretty sure there was a rock wedged under my neck. I opened my eyes and saw a tent. Why was I in a tent? I got up and opened the tent to... ice. I tried to see through it but couldn't. Something started rumbling. Was it an earthquake? It rumbled for quite some time, but eventually it stopped. As soon as it stopped the walls of ice started melting, and in one minute they completely collapsed. All I can say after that is, Light! I only saw light. And then I woke up. My brother was standing there with a cup and the lights turned on. "You're late for school".