your eyes are grey, sad 'n lonely

no one understands your hurt

the optometrist can't cure you

you stare into vacuous space

into staring eyes you look, 

those do not see, save few

the ones who feel like you

no one knows; it's unclear

therapy can't cure you,

the therapist has his own issues

he has not found a cure himself

your sadness is a leaden coffin

holds you down, heavy as darkness

strange how dark can be heavy

your tears are trapped inside,

not shed, pressured

the tears will not fall,

makes your throat ache holding them in  

adding to the weight

it would help,

be worth the weight of all the world's so called therapists

if simply, someone who loves you,

a real friend were there to catch them

your tears silent unseen, 

within your soul they flow, 

into your heart's cuts

they sting like lemon's acid

they run a steady stream

you would give your heart in exchange

to the one who understood

to the one who you could feel 

what only you yourself know

makes you sad

makes your pain

as yet, no one understands

their trifle words rife, 

slight and weak as your own 

makes you wanna jump off a cliff

to resolve the source

and cure you're suffering

your eyes are grey, sad 'n lonely

no one understands your hurt

you stare into vacuous space

your hurts carry the weight 

of a thousand cuts,

a million bruises

countless abuses

you and i need a great physician

one who's been there and back

like you and me, here

but we need to make it back

lighten the load with

one who'll help us carry the weight

set us straight and doesn't charge

for anyone's who's thirsty

c'mon, let's cast our cares on him

what do we have to lose

i stumbled into the heavy piano's thick wound chords of  bass, 

alto soprano heights and the female choir's moving rhythm rhapsody

my ear was pulled by the host of female larynx' crescendo, 

my eye by the lithe forms swaying, undulating mesmerizing

wonderful magical phenomenon, fleshly human tissue, 

vocal chords, through which air streams by human will's diaphragm

producing sound, melodious pitches rise/fall, fall/rise

i am fallen yet raised, swept away by an enrapturing tide

a ride of currents joyous, mightily flows this musical river

i am this captivated spectator witness stumbled in 

from the outside streets, piled with snow's reflection of harsh street lights

i am willing witness of this marvelously crafted merge 

of african american music/voice, voice/music blend

induces in me an intellectual music libido of purist form;

a mental explosion of human joy comprised of

ninety nine percent anticipation for the expectant coming 

of the next measure of notes' blends; 

a sustained culmination to pitched climax

the black babes' maiden fair, divinely dressed

white robed, wide/slim bodies flowing in pleaded linen, undulating 

their facial frames radiant under stage lights' glowing glare, illuminating

darkest of chocolate brown spectrum to caramel creme's tones of skin

unison of voices, utterly precise synchronization of bass and drum

my unearthly stumble/fall from the outside world's  ghetto

into this housed treasure is such a rare gem of ear/mind/soul/eye stimulation

the black babes maiden fair, divinely dressed

neutralize gravity's power of hold to the floor

i am uplifted into heavenly heights with their voices softly sweet, 

my tattered soul, shattered frayed nerves like scratch on glass is lulled

with pleasured comfort, made to feel sweet like cotton candy pillows to my head 

soft support on my ear, softly touching my burned cheeks

then begins again, the slow ever slight rise, building momentum ever agonizingly 

gaining speed to strong crescendo, expectant coming rise 

of the next measures notes' blends sustained culmination peak 

to pitched climax of heaven's choir

the black babes maiden fair, divinely dressed

i have stumbled upon, come in from the harsh city, dark cold of night

into an other worldly dimension, heaven's portal sphere filtered through 

to lower earth's atmosphere, my euphoria; 

a lonely visitor welcomed here spiritually induced with a black gospel choir 

beautiful, just when i needed it most

toddler son plays joy 

frolicked to swinging sawhorse

dad so joyed fear seized

struck cervical mid neck spine

fell dead, dread, prayed back alive

tried, used to beat myself up dealing with faith issues

then i stopped making it an issue

there's trillions of faiths

mine is simple and ancient and real

and i'm so enthralled with its meaning,

substance to my being

value, nurture, truth, virtue

take a bullet for it

sit in an arena for the entertainment of the masses

if it came to be

mangled, ripped and eaten by lions

or crucified by human gladiators

or humiliated, thumbs down 

by so called caesars

for this faith

so that others might believe

and eternally live

now, in the past or later

human life span is utterly short

(ours is a young sun but millions of years old)

sacrifice my being

for my faith, i'd

take a bullet for,

no death wish, 

just love life

no compromise premised on love

love others, at least try

beyond my ability, 

love humanity

to the best of my ability

on a measure deemed stupid by the world's wise, 

with a love that doesn't, won't, can't, be

impossible to end

such is corinthian love, 

God's love, biblical

such are the matters of my faith

not fantasy, 

not surreal,

not scientific, (though i hold such degrees)

surreal to the world, supernaturally real

more real than reality

all things will pass away, but love will remain

love conquers all

love is all

this is about all, 

is all about what my faith is about

a crown prepared

unblemished gold perfection

gleams on opalescent standing tower

reaching highest level

heaven’s 7th plane

awaiting your consignment

no work of men’s crowns comes so close

upon this soiled earth of man endowed

a crown for you to keep ’til future end

in your eye, raise your head on high

that day you’ll cast it at his worthy feet

in return gratitude

do not as fools fooled seek

whether from highest or the lowest

from men of dust

he has made you for a final day

to be higher than the highest archangel

at death’s portal one day

will stand transformed,

’til then green in envy,

satan’s chagrin!

what can reaper grim death do you?

cannot keep or take you,

you belong to the king

transforming power awaits now

here prepare, receive a golden crown

death though exceedingly formidable,

cannot keep or take you

son of God your king has conquered even death

man’s final foe

take heart, be strong, take faith

prepare to take love’s gift

to you whose offspring are the king’s

chosen royal fit to crown, he will

in light translation’s power

death does tremble has no hold,

only for those who submit to its king

eschew the king of fallen earth

scums’ broken lies premised founded

false proven corruption’s yield

death’s king his stench’s carrion

roadkill, battlefield smell

foul breathed offers grants

burning pain’s corrupted crown,

antithesis, eternal servitude

to snake of old,

king of grinning skulls’ crossbones

hell’s wake, make haste

ditch this king!

seek the king of glory

love incarnate

man’s true made image ’fore the fall

mystery true of ancient days, when

the first bird sang, the first star shone

gleamed in eve’s eye

whose pure love’s essence breathed

of God for adam

lovely woman graced,

eden’s garden

take the prize freely given

God’s gift of love

don’t argue about it,

get caught up in it

just do it

don’t twist your mind,

abstain,

why harden?

man propensities, genetic spirit fault

death preferred than swallows truth

commonality to man’s intrinsic swoon

hard shell of heart and soul,

death by fog, thick head

swollen drugged, lies induced,

demon’s boon master of deceit

human host gained

“go ahead do what thou willest

god lies to you, rebel his will,

eat forbidden fruit, you won’t die!”

- age old lie,

multitudes believe . . .

‘your own will be done’

“take instead, my love

for i have loved you from the foundations

of the world

that i gave my own son for you

believe in him and you will live forever,”

my love’s personified offering

grant for yourself

eternal life insured

pension gift signed

power above all powers that be guaranteed

eat it, drink it,

live it, get it

’fore the night comes crashing in

yes, it is war

life on this earth,

from birth to death

is war

lowly now, prostate your fall

by grace restored from your former state

was made low by envy’s lowest form

removed by hate’s subterfuge

like earthen muck,

attempts ’n strives persists to take your soul 

unsatisfied with blood, 

throughout the ages, 

satan spill’d from henges old,

older still pyramids, equal purpose

myriad count and forms

upon the earth

built to worship this snake god, immortal

disguised, cloaked, transforming empowered -

master of disguise, myriad forms

still roams upon the earth,

willing human servants 

human sacrifice paid through the ages,

even now in exchange belief, 

his lies to eve, ”you will not die, just listen to me, 

you will have life eternal!”

once crowned lucifer 

with precious stones clothed

at his birth, he cast himself,

proclaimed self, king above

with/did spit in God’s face

upon the ground hurled

still this cherub cursed

war with God and man

determined enraged insane 

prevent man restored in his place redeemed

intent to keep man to take his crown

inflamed envious one, 

evil one, thief rapist, 

father of lies, 

murderer of man -

no myth!

rebel wishes upon you and me, 

our breed gained servitude ’n worship

slaves sacrificed within his vile ranks

the king of many crowns

awaits for you in heaven’s light

surrounded by glory

the king of death,

cannot touch or take your crown

without your submission

your crown gleams on heaven’s stand

prepared for you and those believing

from creations’s foundations

when the first bird sang,

the first star shone,

gleamed in eve’s eye

whose pure love’s essence breathed

of God for adam, king

lovely woman graced,

eden’s garden queen

you and i progeny inheritors legit

made fit to inherit crowns of love and life,

no lie,

created in his image

follow the one who holds the keys

in midst of shining lamp stands

the son of man, Jesus walks

in the midst of pillared stars

who know and speak your name

secret words of mystery

love and life himself, 

flesh and ghost, real

open your door, 

invite him in for dinner 

he will give you bread,

sit and he will listen

i'd rather be a nail than a hammer, 

i hear tumultuous waves of protest crash 

in the rear of my sensibilities 

at the prospect of the changing of the queue 

while the hammer pounds to self destruction

i'm left alone, nailed to the cross 

forgotten nee'r to be seen by Pharisees 'cept when necessary

as when the widow 'n orphan are being persecuted

underground, off the grid, leave little footprints

'cept those rooted in the divine/invisible invincibility

so that my state is left unnoticed in this biPolar epoch

watching the hyde turn into the jekyll  

shifting back then forth perpetually, 

ad infinitum/ad nauseam, 

waterboard loop, living hell watchin'

i'd rather be a nail than a hammer, 

yes I would simon,

so that i can have shelter, mick

wait 'til the storm be overpast, bob

comfort other nails 'til justice prevail

his nail scarred hands 'n feet

the devastation's rubble sweep

'til the storm be overpast

rather be a nail than a hammer

being driven to the core of truth 

with blows of pain's instruction,

inevitable/inescapable suffering in the game

'til resurrected from the grave

the nails will be busted free of the coffin's lid

i'll watch the hammer of justice strike freedom's bells

shout with joyous multitudes 

while the ones who beat the innocent and weak

into the ground with words 'n violence 

are beaten themselves with weapons their own

i'll watch the hammer of truth 

shut them up and shut them down for all eternity 

and the nail's  forged into a glorious kingdom 

where love and freedom prevails throughout the universe

pine simple knotted, rough hewn makes no difference

lay me in it, stiffened corpse, rigor mortis

no myrrh no spices cinnamon and rue to subdue

don't spend over 100 dollars at Lowes or the Depot

the grim real stark naked truth of rotten flesh

paled skin, collagen sparse, decimated cells worn out heart

happens will to all of us, noble and the meek,

rich and the poor, known and unknown, 

smart and the dumb by world's standards 

makes no difference, we're all brothers

same genes, same frame, same game called life, same earth

same beginnings, same parents, adam and wife, eve

a rough twisted natural mesquite stump for a cross

push it shallow makes no difference 

buttress it erect with the bushes, random stones in wild land

far from rogue judges called humanity

over the pine box simple, rough hewn knotted

not too deep, don't work too hard shallow's fine

ashes to ashes, dust to dust

atoms and molecules all will rust

like the handles on brass silver's tarnish

some at ocean's bottom, some burned to ashes,

some mutilated in accidents, some cancerous died

nothing pretty about death anyhow, 

some in the papers and news some not, it's okay

God doesn't miss or skip a beat

precious in his sight nonetheless, he reassembles, ressurects

breathes back life, no second death, faith in him, his only son

a phony life covered with varnish will slip away

no one will notice, all too busy with their own

blinded forgotten parameters obscure lines undelineated

unfathomed introspection unprospected fallen into fault lines

unobstructed fooled, busy chasing life and lost in death

beguiled narcissistic fools mesmerized by their own smoke and mirrors

in the name of ego's buck and pride's reflection caught in the headlights

of skull and crossboned master of ill disguise thus surmised

million dollar casket, makes no difference

lay me in the pine box simple, i did my best, made mistakes like everyone else, 

remember me by the life i lived as close i could to the truth

believe in me and you will live forever, 

i am the resurrection and the life, john 3:16

scatter my ashes over the land, ocean, prairie desert sands

let the earth's wind's take them or let them fly at someone's sneeze

prefer the earth decompose the pine box, i like the smell of conifer pitch

i've felled many ponderosa pine in the sierra mountains

my final resting place?

Anywhere upon this rocky earth i live upon

each act of love, each stab at right, lift up the fallen, make smile the sullen

sacrificed in name of christ

look at the lamb; it lays itself down

look at the lamb it does not fight

it yields its flesh

it spills its blood

for all who believe

look at the lamb

it fights for you and me!

look at the dove above

it flies in unapproachable light

he cries, "this is my one and only son,

"he lays himself down willingly"

look at the lamb sacrificed

who takes away the world's sin

look at the dove, he flies above

in holy light, love pure

look at the lion he growls terribly loud

overcame/overcomes every day

in every way death and hell

all creation shakes, penetrates heart and soul

look at the prince, the lord

lion of judah's tribe

he does so valiantly speak; creation trembles

he rose up raised on the 3rd day long ago

by his father God and ours

raised him from the grave

his kingdom here; it comes

yellow mustard color bright, with sun mixed 

lime grey gold blend inexplicable

metaphysics meld transposed to inner eye

necklace of solid light suspends lightly 

upon your pearl skin, lovely neck

your eyes blue, flecks gold dusted reflect every hue 

the milky white concave dome of neglected sky 

above your gorgeous freckled smile lit

back dropped with black birds' mischief fly

across its breadth, makes me think of you 

the green bends with breeze, alights slim leaves 

swaying, flickering they turn almost turquoise on ground 

appears to be a solid surface;

it is not;

it sways like waves of a mirage as clouds cover the sun

cloudiness ascends, robs the gold from the yellow, 

turns to shades of sullenness,

i lose my balance, near fall

turquoise blue turns to midnight mud

grey stumps, hulking forms immense bulk

eager at ready to stumble upon themselves to the ground 

at next earth's quake, their dark lines sinister appear

with each dimming shade of clouds dark, cover its face

your once sweet face now in quiet repose it lies

in coffin box, your lovely years forever disappeared

colors gone except the white in linen cloths; 

they cruely blanch though clean, your faded former glory

age smudged your skin from rouge, innocent youth

murdered your sparkling eyes; 

they with your smile danced

your freckles sprinkled on your face by a master painter's hand

now faded blanks, 

fluorescent light performs its sacrilege display, 

shameless counterfeit; no match for a new sun's light

my tears stain sullen solemn helpless misery

would i, if i could, if i could, would i raise you 

from your lifeless adorned corpse?

though i hold resurrection's key of faith by His hand

i choose quiet acquiescence, my volition yields

utterly, venomously, i despise death, 

powerless i mere mortal bound 

death angel mocks me, 

i stand steadfast 

though by frustration's epic strength, despair

i mere mortal have no hope

and yet power intercedes again, and now

in greatest need, intervenes,

"oh death where is your victory,

even you have been defeated though not yet fully evident,"

not yet fully given over in completeness

we will walk again, raised restored

in the light of eternal light, 

colors will again illuminate your gorgeous face

your eyes blue, flecks gold dusted,

will again reflect every hue

i will kiss your freckles

i will hear you laugh again

love the lord thy God with all thy heart

my heart it beats and bleeds in sighs and rhythm of love's swoon

oh heart, you wish to follow what is forbidden,

kills the soul of common man

things pleasant yet awful, 

intrinsic feel, taste of toxic syrup, drenched death

vile sweat fluid feels unclean, 

corpse cadaverine aroma, cesspool's diploma

wicked creature, arises from the depths of chasm's porthole, 

seeks allurement, soul companionship, host to feed upon

energy to suck on, inhabit, cohabit, possess

divinely lit counterfeit, blueish light, 

fair form attracts attention suddenly

shape shifts slip, black lips filth, 

red horns protruding, ghastly sight

curved cylindrical, bases round, pointed defiance toward heaven

hell bound, flames reserved; it does not care, its saliva putrid drips

laughs and mocks, "do not abstain nor refrain, despise instead the spirit of God

yet more, ignore extinguish his speech 'til forevermore,

let it die in your brain; along with me, come with me 

to what is forbidden, satisfy your lust, for anarchy's freedom unrestrained, 

do what thou willest, join me in the task of self defilement,

drink the flask of bile; it's good to spill upon the smooth ivory flesh of innocence

join me to hell, the flames therein do warm, oh stupid, foolish evil man,

take your pleasure in full abandon; be like me!"

the demon being transforms to sensual female flesh 

none human man can resist

yet word of gold, word of life, word of lamb of God 

does with strength's suffering prevail,

"do not rebel against God, let your mind dwell upon whatever is good, 

whatever is lovely and worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things"

love the lord thy God with all thy might 

my muscles' strength grip to pull and push the task at hand

my mind's strength does exude stronger still, it offers no quarter, no yield

yet my flesh side of mind desires to dwell contemplate upon thoughts of self

to promote exalt self to high appeal platform

be worshipped by others and intellect of pride in self achievement

be it done my own way whether by stealth hook or crook, follow the world's way

step on other's toes, get to the top, reach for the gold, the bullion of greed

materialism for its own sake and hoard and take 

and bow to mammon baphomet bastard hell's breed, idol whore

i will not, that wretched horrid vomit's pile o' stinking schiet

"stop, peace be still, man shall not live by bread alone but by every word

that comes out of God's mouth, 

seek first the kingdom of God and all things will be given to you, 

store for yourself treasures in heaven, not on earth, 

i am returning to heaven after my crucifixion and resurrection 

and i will make ready a special place for you, a mansion,

love the lord thy God with all thy soul"

my soul cries out in the night for his presence

yet in flesh of weakness time, it cries for doubt and vice of ordinary

live in nothing  but pleasure's sake and for vanity, 

quench my thirst with only liquid of passion's body needs

repel, expel, eschew faith, substance of things unseen, 

things of God seek not

simple things, fearful things, choose instead in weakness of your clay,

require not, ask not, nor seek for courage of heaven above

his spirit holy, envelopes my heart and mind,

love the lord thy God with all thy understanding

my thoughts dwell on truth and justice fair of equity

i wretch at thought of broken words and sighs of lies to hurt

i recognize the vain in my my other nemesis alter ego freudian id 

rid, yet be fully me in God's rebirth, reborn of my old to new

born again in and by his spirit and with his sword that is his word

i can and do and will prevail, exhale putrid breath of death of mortal

fallen man of dust to living breathing man, made eternal for forever life

new body, new mind resurrected on the final day just like him, Jesus son of God

"for all who thirst come to me and i will give eternal life; 

whoever believes in me will forever live"