Day 1

I'm going to try. Ty bought me a notebook and said that if I can't find it in me to talk about it, to try writing it down. So, I'm going to try.

I don't know why she left me. Andy said it wasn't my fault, but you don't reach the point of suicide without a little help from everyone, right? I wish she would have told me what was happening, what she was going through. Maybe I could have helped her, but she didn't even give me the chance to try. It's times like these when I get mad. I get mad at her for leaving, for not telling me. I get mad at whoever pushed Andy to do this. I get mad at the so-called God who has probably just been watching my life and laughing. I get mad at my parents who maybe if they hadn't left us, Andy would still be here. I get mad at the world. But then, after the rage has passed, I feel empty. I don't feel remorse or anger, I just feel broken. I feel guilty half the time too. Guilty for the fact that I haven't shed a tear for Andy. I miss her so much, but I can't bring myself to cry. I feel like that part of me died when she did. When she jumped, something inside me snapped. All my life people have abandoned me, but I never thought that she would. She was the one person who truly knew me and she left, and I'll never know why. When I get to this point, the whole cycle restarts and I'm back to mad. I know I'm broken, but knowing it can't change the way I feel.