I had puke on both shoulders and running down the leg of my shorts. I lost my patience many times that day. I kept mumbling and murmuring towards the changing table. I was sitting on the couch endlessly bouncing the baby on my knee, cursing my wife, with a rotary of hatred behind my longing for her to get up and over herself.
I feel like I’m watching my dream run away from me, I tell her.
All of the time that used to go into writing is being buried by family. She doesn’t work anymore. The baby cries forever and requires two hands to hold. She never wants to go to sleep. You put her in her bassinet, hoping to release yourself from the torment, only to find that you’ve got another hour on your hands of screaming as you move the pacifier back and forth in her mouth.
It’s the day after my birthday, or the day after that. My brother in law and his wife have arrived into town. They flew in last night. My mother and father-in-law picked them up at the airport. They are staying with my mother-in-law and Violence while they are here, and they are already getting frustrated with them–especially my brother-in-law.
Are they always like this, he asks, after having been up since seven and finally leaving the apartment at four.
Currentivism
I tried explaining what I do to my cousin
A whole bunch of people actually
Everyone standing around me on the deck, inquiring
I was a bigger attraction than the baby
I told them currentivism
I said, look it up, I'm the only name you'll find
I don't know why I said that
Here I am talking about them
But I'm diffused
Not like they'd be traipsing into here
There's no road map
No guides
You have to have an in
He majored in, like, social media fame making, my cousin did
He's a salesman now
Tries to get businesses to ship with UPS
They bare their testimonies, like my brother in law, crying at the light of Christ they see in their babies' eyes
Family as the cornerstone of the religion
I get that
But the pictures of Christ on the wall
That's who they're praying to
The heavenly father
I can't imagine being a father myself and having my wife and children desperately trying to get 'back' to that white guy on the walls with a beard
It's like when your love loves Ryan Reynolds or something, and you're praying she's never stuck in an elevator with him someday
Families, neighborhoods, wards
Just take the Christ out of church and I'm there with you
The big ships with all of the houses connected to them
Sailing through the violent foggy waters that we've found ourselves in
Hugging my aunts cancerous breast
The dead insurance agent
Heart attack bosses
Driving home from the Jazz game, steel shooting through the windshield, leaving me the new captain
Having to weed and repair the air conditioner
Put up and take down the Christmas lights
Go camping up Kings Peak with twelve year olds
Steeples piercing through the clouds
It's The Lord you've got to look out for
How do I get through to these kids?
I've been out there on the periphery
I've seen what's beyond the wall of mountains
Something to make it so that I can drive the speed limit
I'm not really trying to go anywere
I just want to keep the headaches and the heartburn at bay
I knew that these thirties would be trying
The herd being thinned
Trading my birthright for the bowls
The seven followers
Something sexy about it though
Keeping me thin
That's why I love reunions
These seven followers may not look like much
But it's great cardio
Seven followers, seventy pounds
Burn a lot of calories with your brain
There are famous bloggers in my neighborhood
People whom I grew up with