Are you ever so angry that you stay up late at night convoluting the proper response to make them feel like a piece of shit.

Are you ever making up the conversations of words you say being hard to hit.

Are you ever afraid you can't be taken seriously then pray to god that you got into their heads to change them a bit.

Are you ever afraid you don't know shit.

Are you ever afraid that what you feel is improper. And what you want them to take from you is hard to offer.

Are you ever sitting on a beautiful scene with everything around you so serene, but you can't help the feeling that you want to scream because you know that what just happened wasn't a dream.

Life can be a nightmare sometimes as it seems.

I was hiding under the blankets when i heard the car pull into the driveway. I hid and hid and waited for the footsteps to come up the porch stairs. Each foot gets heavier as it drew nearer. You open the door, you slam it shut. Make my room shake although I'm one floor up. Drop your bag on the ground and take off your shoes. Open the sliding glass door, get the keys to your room.

Meanwhile I'm still under the covers. Squeezing my eyes shut wishing for tears to go away. Crying over some dumb boy that didn't want to stay. We both need a hug today. Two different actions but we're one in the same.

Memories of you kind of flow in and out of my mind sometimes and sometimes i get sad and get all cooped up in my head. Sometimes instead i remember it in a way where I'm happy it happened. Us being two different people now, those things can't happen again. But look up from the ground and see all around the life that we have left and colors in peoples eyes. There's more than me and you as hard as we tried. So I'm happy it happened. I'm ready for whatever comes next though. Even if it might not involve me and you.

I want you to scream. Yell at the top if your lungs and cover yourself in mud. Love yourself love yourself and you've always been beautiful. People were right when they said your eyes light up so bright. Love animals and love most human beings. You've always been different from the others. You always knew you were too. People have always liked you, you never fit with a specific "group" but everyone wanted you there. You bring joy to people, your parents, your brother, everyone. Most importantly yourself. Your imagination and mind are the most important things you have, and those never have slowed down. You're a big dreamer. Big ideas big future. You've always loved music, even before you knew how to even play music you had such a connection to it (you still do and you are absolutely in love with it) I love you. I've always loved you. Things get tough. And things get better. Life is a roller coaster. You taught me how to think and you are so incredible. One of the most incredible little tots I've ever seen. And I have the pleasure of being you. You're great. More than great, incredible.

-- older india

So he trickled down my mind with a residue that stuck to the inside of my head.

Somehow that theme made it back into my head.

I don't know what to do instead.

Shut up.

Sit up.

Straighten yourself up girl.

This guy. This guy that stuck to the back of your mind.

He will disappear.

You're in a good place with good people.

Fuck that guy. ..

1) treat every person with respect.

2) have compassion and empathy for the ones that deserve it.

3) self care will always come first before anyone else.

4) do not purposely hurt another human being, whether that be verbal or physical.

5) remember that education is valuable, take every opportunity to learn something.

6) everything in the world is constantly changing. Don't get stuck in the past.

7) karma will work in good and bad ways.

8) DON'T deny free food!

9) music=meditation

10) don't over-think people or situations. Only do so when needed.

11) have hope for the future that things WILL get better and change in time.

12) patience is a virtue.

13) love yourself.