I seem to be conflicted with the sepseparate parts of my mind.

They contradict each other. Each with different thought prosses, different emotions, opinions and morals. Yet they are all one the same. All one person though at the same time there not.

It's a constant torture that I just want to stop

I cant property say what i think but i think the best i could do is try

There is so much that i want to say within one sitting because i wont be able to after this conversation is over and its extremely hard for me to transition into each point without changing a topic

So here i go

1. None of you make me feel welcome. Humanity makes me feel like an outsider in game ment for all you cant change how i feel, cuz i feel it tords most even tords my own mother. The person who gave me life and spent the rest of her's suporting my every will. Yet i cant find the strength to feel safe or comfortable with her,

2.i dont feel human, i cant. Because to me the most important thing to me is my emotions and more than half the time i cant feel them or im able to turn it all of. I can go from devastated and broken hurt and ultimately empty to calm collected logical civil to happyb and gitty and smilely. Or just empty and mechanical to me that is not human the fact that i an awaer of ever peice of me and how to change each peice to fit a situation, but i also find myself putting up a frunt and turning all of it off when people are around. So when i want to cry and feel the screams inside my head overwhelming every thing i cant let it out, no matter how hard i try. I can always understand a perspective of feeling just by listening and observing wich is a big reason people dont like me or trust me

3. I am very confused with my sanity, i see things that i know cant be real i hear people talking in my head. I have alternet personas in my head that i creat that burst of and become their own thing wich i dont understand one bit. I think the most offel things about and tords all the people i care about. I dont need to scare you, i already scare myself. i have so much in my head that is just so disgusting to me.

4. Im a good person i have nothing but good intentions for every and anyone, i can honwstly say i love and care for every and all the people ive ever meet and would do a whole lot for all of them. I know saying i love everyone is not that.... Realistic, but i know there is many different types of love. A big thing though is even if im a good person i can also tell you i am the most awful person i know. Its verry hard to explain. Lets just say my inner child is the most pure thing i have ever known and is the good in me but very very bad things in me that terrifies that little child in me all i call it is IT.

4. I love so many things about humanity as a species but i also hate everthing about it. We are distructive impulsive greedy animals distroying this world with war, polution and nieveness and i and so disapointed to be a part of this selfish proses.

I no longer know what to say so for now ill say goodbye

i might seem dark

and i might seem cold with my words

but i can assure you i'm full of colour  and joy

all you need to do is open my mind and see what i see

believe me 

you'd be amazed