tired limbs

sprawled across a bed

too cramped to breathe,

too little for dreams

trembling hands

trying to grab onto every

single thing they find

only to let go again

tears fall ー

just like any other day

despair as a daily routine,

anguish served as breakfast,

lunch, snacks, and dinner

just like any other day ー

ー and then there’s you

you with the voice so sweet

it rings endlessly in my ears

enough to even cover up the

hateful words i’ve heard

more than enough of

you with a heart so full of love

that i may even come to learn

how to love like you

you with the smile so bright

perhaps bright enough to

scare away all

my

darkness

today is just like any other day,

except today

i have you,

and that’s all i need

my dear,

in life i have plenty of regrets

but you will never be one of them

i write for myself

i write for the things that

make the corners of

my mouth curl up

and the moments that

make flowers bloom

somewhere deep inside me

i write for the places where

i find myself and the

sceneries that remind me

of what living is

i write for sunshine, rays

and rays of blinding light,

sunsets, when the light turns

into darkness, and sunrise,

when the pain turns back

into megawatt smiles

i write to pass time

and i write to stop it

i write to forget

and i write to remember

i write for the paths

i’ve walked, for the

bridges i’ve burned,

for destinations unknown

i write for my dreams,

for that one blue star

i aspire to one day reach

and pull down from

the evening sky;

for every shard of hope,

every childhood prayer

i write for every loving gaze

that has reminded me that

somehow, in some way,

without me this world wouldn’t

really be the same

i write for every single voice

that told me to keep going

even when every path

looked like a dead end,

told me to believe in myself

when i had

nothing

to believe in

i write for love, for

the heart that rests

under my ribs and

between my lungs,

for every name written

on its walls

i write for myself - which means

i write for you, because

you make me who i am

tell me about the scar on your right thigh. tell me about how you got it and tell me about how the blood gushed out like lava and how you felt like everything was about to melt. tell me about the bruises that blossom like forget-me-nots in the garden of your skin and tell me of the grief they force you to carry. tell me about how you wear pink hair elastics on your wrist like an innocent teen’s accessory and tell me about how you use them to cope with the pain. tell me about the time you went out in negative degree weather wearing nothing but your thinnest chiffon blouse and the shortest pair of trousers you owned because everything was burning down and you just wanted to freeze. tell me about the untouched food on your plate, how you look at the mirror and imagine the inches that would be added to your waist. tell me about how everything you ever knew turned against you as if they were pieces in a reversi game you thought you were about to win. tell me about how your heart was beating so fast you wished it would just stop. tell me you’re not alright. i know you’re not. tell me about how it all hurts. it’s okay. it won't hurt any less. i know it'll hurt all the same. but for once, please remember that you don't need to run away all the time -

especially from yourself.

this is how she loves you:

she loves you on sunny mornings, when she calls you on the phone while brewing her usual cup of hellishly strong coffee.

she loves you on rainy mornings, too - when she sends you messages in capslock with angry emojis, lecturing you on how stupid you were to run around in a rainstorm just to "have some fun".

she loves you with no trace of holding back, no ounce of hesitation. she craves you like she craves air, water, and internet connection.

she loves you as passionately as the sunshine on a scorching summer day, and every step you take towards her sets her blazing. she loves you so much it could burn you to ashes.

she loves you like the moonlight, a glittering light in the midst of the darkness. she loves you like she's picked out all the stars in the evening sky just to make sure that there would never be a monent when your universe wouldn't be filled to the brim with light.

she loves you on your best days. she loves you on your worst ones, too.

she loves you like a moth to a flame, coming so dangerously close even when she's fully aware that it would destroy her wings.

in case you didn't know, i'm telling you now.

she loves you like this.

and yet, you chose to leave.

you said her love wasn't enough.

you said you wanted a love as wide as the galaxy,

but you fool, she was already the entire universe.

you were just a fleeting comet that never really intended to stay.

if your heart does not call

my name like it is

a song, a chant, a mantra,

then i ask that you do not take

another step closer to me.

if your eyes do not dwell

on these dark orbs of mine

or the midnight-black hair that falls down my face

then i ask that you kindly

turn around and journey to another land.

if your mind does not flood

the world around you with

images, thoughts, or memories of me

then i earnestly plead

that you no longer try to tread the maze that is my heart.

for i am not a being

that is willing to go down on my knees

and implore that you lay down your heart next to mine

nor am i a soul

that will desperately beg for your company.

but if, just if

your heart sincerely screams for me

like every second is a waste of time

if your eyes cannot forget

the moments when it had stared into mine,

and if your mind cannot sleep

with the memory of me in the darkness of night,

then i wish to tell you that

not one ounce of your love is unreciprocated,

that i have fallen deeper than the world will ever know,

that my heart is full of love and is endlessly aglow,

and i promise you, my dear, never will i let go.