To hell I must present myself

Deep within my soul will venture

To find my most profound self

I thrust myself through this adventure

For I am aware I will feel pain

The fire ant sting might bring a sore

Jaguars could make this journey vain

An end as such i’ll not deplore

Another danger still resides

Beware of hunger the silent foe

That only food will make subside

So my advice your own food grow

Lets not forget the quicker killer

For thirst in two days kills with ease

And drinking water is quite a thriller

In fear of catching a disease

I wont be drowned in this sea of green

No soul for miles to be seen

Except for those, the silent watchers

Ghost people are the jungle keepers

Guardians of secrets lost by man

innocence, purity, enthralled by nature

This will be the point of fracture

They will destroy it if they can

The recent slaughter proves my case

For gold and diamonds people slay

Society showed we lost this race

How can one tell gold from clay

Long should we have shed this base

Its real value lasts in time

But real riches grow with grace

Prepared to be cut at their prime

The first step was to leave behind

All that tied me to my land

Release the strings, now I am free

To live my life beneath the trees

The pain, the sorrow, the empty void

Will make my journey harder still

And if disease I can avoid

Or an infection that might kill

The road goes on and ever on

I don’t know if I’m right on track

I hope that before I am gone

This green hell just spits me back

I felt it coming, the air getting heavier even though the crowd of people didnt seem to grow. I guess it was the tension from going father than we had in those 17 years. The hopeful chants for freedom didnt help in getting rid of the ominous feeling I had upon crossing to ”their” territory, as if we had come to a point of no return.

I had always wondered what it would be like to have your life changed in an instant; but not like this, never like this. Above the cacophony of the protest, a different sound started to emerge. The rumbling of the motorcycles came to us as a herald of doom, and the world changed with single scream, Llegaron los colectivos!, those three words would create ripples in what until that point had been a protest full of hope.

And then all hell broke loose.

The first gunshots broke through the air, and terror took over. I ducked and grabbed my cousin as I saw the first one fall, the world turned to slow motion as this young man, this hopeful man was murdered for an ideology, his body hitting the ground as a testament of the absurdity of existence. It was a sorrow filled day for the cause of freedom as death relished in the lowliest part of human condition. For he was the first, but not the last.

Its hard to say how we got out of there alive, but one thing is certain, we all lost a part of ourselves that day. Some lost their lives, I was in the lucky group that only lost hope, hope in mankind.

The last words hung in the air, desperately trying to break through the silence. You stopped in your tracks, the air around me seemed to thicken, my heart trhobbed in my ears, drowning reality as you slowly turned.

Your augering eyes were all I could see, as I waited, hoped for an answer. Your cherry lips opened as if words wanted to escape its prison; we stood there, stuck in an endless moment, your sigh broke the charm, as I watched your figure walk away, I was left with nothin but a thundering silence.

Hazel, chestnut and chocolate make quite a sight

When they sparkle under the sunlight

Don’t let it get you down

If they say your eyes are only brown

The heat was unbearable.

There I sat, crammed in a wooden bench with 8 middle-aged Finns, sweat trickling down my face. The heat seemed to loosen the usually laconic Finns who conversed disregarding their treasured personal space.

A sizzle came from the stove as a cedar-scented wave of heat thickened the air around me. Sweat drenched the whole of my body now, hot air burning the inside of my nostrils, yet I sat there in deep thought; waiting, stalling, knowing the moment approached but reluctant to break the bubbling tension within me..

My hesitation must have seemed apparent to the man who had greeted me, for he spoke to me in a thick Finnish accent, “The first time is always the hardest”- he said, staring at me with cold gray eyes, as he poured more water over the scalding rocks- “It’s all about sisu”; a murmur followed his words in approvement.

The next heat wave sent me to my feet, and I walked towards the door.

The residual heat from the sauna protected me from the cold like a mist armor trailing behind me as I walked the blue carpet towards the stairs at the end of the pier.

But nothing stops the relentless frigid air, and it slowly seeped inside me with every step I took, my socks cracking as they stuck to the frozen carpet. I shivered staring at the black hole that contrasted against the white sheet of ice.

The metal handle felt cold as I climbed down the steps, my mind bracing for the impact. When the frigid water touched my chest, I gasped and inhaled violently, slipping into a sheer cold void where a million pricking needles slowly sapped the heat of my body. Struggling to keep my head above the water, I moved my hands as fast as I could, the numbness of my fingers extending towards my arms.

Suddenly, as the heat went to my core to protect itself from the cold, I saw it. My heart racing to combat hypothermia showed me the relentless fight my body was willing to put to survive obstacles, the strength of will it had against extreme circumstance. And that extraordinary determination in the face of adversity showed me the meaning.

I finally understood… Sisu.

At first I didn't see the girl

I heard her laugh all clear and fair

Beyond my eyes a purple twirl

Fades away above a stair

I followed quick, no time to loose

Now in the top but she's not there

Again the laugh, was it a ruse?

I heard it down, below, somewhere

These stairs behave just like a maze

She runs and giggles always near

I search but cannot find a trace

Missing her, now that's my fear

I see her now seh flashed a smile

Behind a door to dissapear

I follow back, my eyes go wild

I am alone, there's no one here