Peter fell to his knees. Sweat dribbled down from his forehead onto his chin. He cried out in a hoarse voice, "Father, I need the Job". "Lord you need to help me", he said. I sat quietly beside God's feet as I watched the unfolding scenario. John flipped close the last page of his bible, "Father God, bless me with this job" he said. I thought to myself, how would God solve this problem?. Peter and John were two strong Bible-believing Christians. Both of them graduated with a degree in electrical engineering. Both men relocated to a small town where jobs were scarce. Due to the competitive nature of the field and the scarcity of jobs, John and Peter ended up applying for the same job. God loved both John and Peter equally. Both men worked hard for the job, and both of them prayed even harder for it. They both deserved the position. My question was, which of them would God bless with the position, John or Peter?

I heard another loud cry from a woman who screamed, "Father God, bless me with a car". A flash of revelation from the future came before me. I saw the woman in a bloody car accident. I knew that this vision meant that if the woman got a car, that car would drive her to her death. I thought to myself, "how does God communicate to people that what they are asking for is bad for them?". I asked myself "how does he prove to them that he is not answering their requests because he loves them". That woman would think that God does not love her, or that God is not listening to her cry because he refused to bless her with a car. Another man yelled, "Father, bless me with a wife". A trail of light came before my eyes and I saw into the spirit. I saw that the man had anger issues. Even if God blessed him with a good woman, he would ruin the relationship with his anger problems. I thought to myself, "God can bless that man, but God would need to fix him first". The man cried out again "Lord, I pray for a wife". By harboring the spirit of anger, he was the author of the delay of his blessings. One man in a small village said, "Father, I pray for rain". Another man in the same village cried out in prayer, "Father, bless us with a sunny day". The prayers of millions of people kept shooting up to the heavens like firecrackers in the air. Every minute brought more prayers, more sparks, and more smoke.

I scratched my head at the situation. I asked myself, how does God deal with these prayers. God gazed upon my puzzled face. "Your turn", he said. "Lord, turn to do what", I replied. He said, "your turn to rule". I knew that I could not do it. There is no way that I could cope. I looked at John, I looked at Peter, I shook my head in confusion. Now that God put me in charge, whom shall I bless with this job? After dabbling in hours of thoughts, I said, "Lord, help me". God said to me, "why don't you try a little harder". No!, I said. No! I could not worry my head any further. Father, I said, you need to help me. God spoke, he said, "bless one of them with the job, and bless the other with strength". "of what use is strength?", I asked. God replied, "when people have strength, they do not worry about what they have lost, they are more concerned about what is next for them". Strength helps people to look past the darkness in the tunnel to see the light at the end of it. "I give up," I said. "You are great at this Lord, you are great at what you do". How could I ever measure up to this? I could never.

I looked at God, I asked, "Father, if you are so perfect at what you do, then why does evil happen?". God said, "like a gift that keeps gifting, I created humans with the ability to create". I gave them free-will said the Lord. I intended that they would use their free-will to do great things, however, humans have begun to use their free-will to hurt others and the earth". "The rich steal from the poor, the earth is being destroyed, senseless battles and wars are taking over". Father, I asked, why do you not stop all of these from happening. God replied, "if I decide to stop all of these, then I would be interfering with the free-will of humans". I did not give humans free-will with the intention of interfering with it, said the Lord. The wise man would choose the right way and the unwise would choose the path that leads to destruction.

Make no mistake, said the Lord, I use these man-made challenges to train my chosen ones for a bright destiny. "What do you mean, I asked. God replied, see it this way he said, imagine a person's glory lies in a place where they would need to be brave to claim it. I the Lord would present the person with situations that would test their bravery. I would constantly test their bravery with challenges until they are filled with enough bravery, enough to claim their destiny. "My people see my help during their time of need", God said. That is why you see so many prayers come up to me, said the Lord.

I did not understand everything about God at that sitting, however, I made a decision at that moment. If I ruled the earth, nothing would change. Everything would remain as it is because although there are bad situations, the original plan for man is perfect. I would be a wise ruler like God, however, I would be prepared for my people to confuse my wiseness for wrathfulness. The woman who did not receive a car, the man who did not get a wife, these are examples of people who would confuse a ruler's wiseness and love for wrathfulness.

By the time you read this, I might still be here, but not certainly so. Something strange is going on. It started at about 4 pm today, the day quickly turned into night, in a somewhat unusual way, but it's winter, so I imagined this to be a normal occurrence. I went outside my house to call home my cats, then I saw something strange. Pale-skinned human-like creatures with sagging skin. Those of them that walked bounced around back and forth as though they were drunk. It must be the neighbor, I thought. Mr. Ted was very well above the 40's, and he struggled with locomotion. I especially thought I was right considering that I did not see his walkers with him. As my visual perception adjusted better to the darkness, I saw more of the creatures. Some were crawling on the floor, with mouths ajar, and hands stretched out as if to receive. No! that is not Mr. Ted. I dashed back into my apartment, fastened the latch, and switched off the lights. I raced upstairs, I plugged my phone into the internet. I think I must have missed the headlines, but here they were, staring me in the face:

"Alien Invasion? Mysterious creatures spotted crawling around Minnesota"

"The Minnesota Crises: Scientists still unable to identify scary-looking creatures"

"Wrath of God: Christian community claims creatures are God's punishment for human sin"

I logged into twitter, I searched with hashtag Minnesota mysteries, a pile of tweets came back on the feeder. Then, I saw it, the headlines, mysterious creatures in Australia, crawling zombies in Malawi, scary-looking beings in Mexico, the list went on. It is not only here, it is everywhere.

By the time you read this, I might still be here, but not certainly so. I see the zombies fast approaching my door, their mouths laden with the blood they sucked from the neighbors.

Take a minute, stop reading,

RUN!

When it rains, sitting beside the window to watch the rain, while sipping on a hot cup of coffee, is not a choice, it's the only option. It is rather interesting, the downpour of rain, how the skies bathe us in droplets of  water. It is as though mother earth is trying to wash us clean. Biscuit wrappers flow down the uphill roads with downwards racing waters, the skies are a brilliant blue, car windows become misty from the coolness of the air. Music sounds best when it's raining. The chill wind, hot coffee, big blankets, and rain view allows for an emotional musical effect. But, I hate when it rains. 

 Like a beautiful damsel accompanied by a serial killer, the rain is married to the worst elements. Sparks of thunder in the clouds, send shivers up my spine. Bangs of loud strikes and discoloured veins of light disrupt my view, and sometimes, my electrical cords. I would love to dance in the rain while looking at the skies, anticipating the next few downpour from the clouds while staring at it. This is but an imagination in my head. I choose to stand apart from the risk of being struck by lightning, one which dancing in the rain can bring. I choose to stand apart from the wind that ruins my umbrella, turning my beautiful umbrella inside out. But, I love the rain. I love to watch it. I love to feel the air that it brings with it, all this while staying away from the bad elements. Now you see why I choose to sit beside my window and sip coffee. It is the only way I can enjoy the splendour of the rain without being affected by the elements. It is not a choice, it's the only option. 

I had had many fantasies about the allure of nature, but never have I ever been caught in one. When reverie met reality, it was rather strange. The tree trunks in the woods made our buttocks ache, as we sat on them. Our camp fire released an efflux of smoke into the already foggy atmosphere, leaving us in a heaven of misty air. This was not the woods as I had imagined it. This was not the nice grasslands, with tall trees bearing fruits and fluttering leaves as I imagined the woods to be. Maybe I was a bit too imaginative, a little delusional. I was a bit uncomfortable with the way things had turned out since the idea of coming to the woods was my suggestion. I heaved a deep sigh. 

Freddie, the guy that I was with at the woods, was a person with whom I had a long history with. He was a tall man, with bushy beards, and broad shoulders. He was the office talkative, who could talk for eight hours non-stop at the office where we worked together. He asked a lot of questions, made a lot of jokes, and did not care about a thing. Oh! sweet Freddie, all the little bits of his personality came together to accentuate his masculinity. He was really open, he would change his clothes in our tiny office closet, put his legs on the table, and laugh so loud. His posture was always upright, he would stride with so much confidence, if you saw him walk, you could totally mistake him for someone who was in the military. 

This was no love at first sight. At my first meeting with Freddie, I did not care for him very much. As far as I knew back then, he was the office talkative, who would not give my ears any minute of rest. I found him more annoying than others because I am more of a quiet, shy person, and being introduced to someone who is my opposite, it was a bit hard to tolerate. As time went by, I began to notice the beauty in his appearance, his genuity, and kindness. I became less infuriated with his chatty nature, but I still did not imagine, that someday I would come to love him. It all happened one day, on a hot summer afternoon in August. I was carrying files from the office on the 5th floor, to the shredder. I wanted some time alone. Since I guessed that there might be other people on the elevator, I chose to take the stairs. I could not help but think of how my boyfriend had broken up with me a day earlier. The thought of coming home to no one, the thought of seeing him with another girl, or simply the thought that I was not good enough to keep a man, left a lot of voices in my head. It was all I could listen to. Was it my fault, or his? I kept asking myself. I failed to notice that I had skipped a step, I tripped down from the stairs and fell to the bottom of the stairs. I yelled in pain, as I fell. Freddie who was right around the corner came to my rescue. He offered some first aid assistance and helped me back to the office. When at the office, he disappeared. I did not see him for twenty minutes. I wanted to see him, so as to thank him, but he was nowhere to be found. Twenty minutes later, he showed up with food and menstrual pads. I was puzzled, menstrual pads for what? Apparently, while I fell down, my period started. I did indeed feel some pain in my lower belly and a little trickle, but since I fell, I thought the pain was related to the pain in my legs. Besides, I was not even expecting my period to come so soon. Freddie had seen a few drops of blood on the butt cheeks of my jeans and decided that it would be nice, if not considered forward, to buy me some pads, since I would be needing them. I covered my face with both of my hands, in shame, as I collected the items he bought. Since he already knew, I just told him that I did feel a pain, but I did not think it would be my period. He smiled. He disappeared again for another five minutes. After five minutes, he reappeared with some Advil and Midol for menstrual cramps. He had garnered from the information about the pain in my belly, that I might be one of those unlucky girls who had cramps during their menstruation. In my whole life, I had never been treated so well. Even my ex-boyfriend, the one whom I tripped over, was never this nice. I found that with Freddie, I was beginning to forget my ex so quickly. I had had a taste of what it felt like to be treated like a queen, by someone who cares, and I could not let it go. Ever since then, I wanted him to be my boyfriend, because why not, right?

Since then I always tried to create opportunities for both of us to be together alone. Coming to the woods, was one of my ideas, for us to be alone. We originally planned to go  a friend's  birthday party. Since the party was far from where I lived, and I did not own a car, Freddie offered to pick me up at a bus stop close to my house and drop me off after the event. As we headed for the party, the celebrant called to say that everything was set for the event, except for alcohol, which she had not bought yet. Freddie and I decided to buy the drinks for her, and that would be our birthday gift to her. We stopped by a liquor store to buy some alcoholic wine, we paid, and we left. Midway through to the venue, the snowing got really bad, and the roads became very slippery. The celebrant called to say that the weather was terrible, she did not want anyone to get hurt because driving on a slippery floor can be dangerous. She said that she was going to postpone her birthday celebration to another date, and would be sure to check the weather forecast for that day beforehand. Since we did not know the day that she wanted to postpone the event to, we decided to return the alcohol to the liquor store, except for those four bottles that were on final sale, because of their marked down prices. After we returned the drinks, we decided to park somewhere and find a place to sit, until the snow got better. There are usually government workers who come to shove  the snow on the road with a big machine. It would be safer to drive then, we decided to wait. Since there was no place to sit in the liquor store, Freddie gave me one of two options, it was either we went into the McDonald restaurant to wait, or we went into the woods nearby. I quickly chose the woods, because I wanted to be alone with him. He gave me a baffled look, he thought that I would opt for the McDonald restaurant option for sure, and in fact, made the woods option as a joke. He asked me if I was sure twice, to make sure that I was not going crazy. I assured him that I was sure, and promised that It would be fun. We went to the car, took out the drinks that we could not return due to final sale, took our jackets from the back of the car and headed into the woods. Thankfully, Freddie had a lighter on him, he had the habit of burning incense sticks, because of their nice aroma, and since he carried incense sticks around, he carried his lighters around as well. When we got into the woods, he managed to start us a camp fire, with his lighter and a few sticks, the fire kept us warm. 

The snow did not cease till dusk, thus we were in the woods even after the sun had gone down. We drank little sips of our alcohol, one at a time. Freddie laughed, as he began to narrate some funny stories to me. We laughed so loudly and we giggled. The concentration of alcohol in the last bottle that we drank was very high. Freddie stood up right after he drank, and began to stagger. I feared that he might fall over the fire, so I pulled him towards me. He fell right over me. I laughed at his clumsiness. I gave him a kiss on the cheeks, which was meant to be a symbol of appreciation, for his beautiful nature. He held my arms rather tightly and began to thrust himself inside of me. I would have refused if it was anyone else but Freddie, but it was Freddie, I loved this man, so I agreed. Our shadows on the sands increased and lowered in humping motions, and the breeze from the west, created chills on our skin, that added to the intensity of the chills in my heart. 

The next day, I saw Freddie, he kept trying to avoid eye contact with me.  It felt weird. I wondered if I had been dumped again, or maybe it was true that I simply could not keep a man. I went to confront him when I got the chance to. He was walking down the stairs because the elevators were full. I asked him why he was avoiding me. He was hesitant to talk about that night or what had happened, but he did reveal to me that he had a girlfriend, and could not come to terms with the fact that he had cheated on her. So, why did he do it? I wondered, why did he make that move. He explained that he and his girlfriend had been having issues, and he was rather lost in my affection at the time. He did it to try to get over her, it clearly did not work. I really wanted to tell him to leave her and come to me, but it did not feel like the right thing to do. I did not want to risk keeping a man whose heart is somewhere else. I told him to erase the memory from his mind, and that I would never mention it. We agreed to continue on as friends and nothing more. That night I cried with my face in my pillow, love felt like a wasted effort. It was so ironical how everything happened at the same place. The same stairways where I fell in love, is the same stairways where my heart was broken. 

If my walls had ears, they would hear me talking, yelling, and giving orders. They would hear my voice echo, but they would not hear a response from anyone besides me, because truly I would be talking to myself. I feel like a minion when I leave my house. At work, my boss tells me what to do, If I don't do it, I might be fired. I fear for my job, so I do it, whether or not I want to. Inside the city, the police, the laws, they all tell me what to do, I have to do it if I do not want to get arrested. On the compound, my landlord tells me what to do, if I do not do it, I might get evicted from the apartment. I am always being told what to do. I always obey. But, within the four walls of my apartment, I take advantage of the soundproof walls, to have a taste of what being a boss feels like. I sit on the chair, I act like my boss, I order the tables to bring the files, I order the basket to print the papers, I yell at the television for coming late to work. I feel what it feels like to be the boss, I feel what it feels like to be the law, the police, the landlord, or anyone else giving orders. If my walls had ears, they would hear me talking to, giving orders to, and yelling at, someone or something that never responds. They would hear my rebellion against being a minion, and existing solely to obey. 

If my walls had ears, they would hear me talking, yelling, ordering. They would hear my voice echo, but they would not hear a response from anyone besides me, because truly I would be talking to myself. I feel like a minion when I leave my house. At work, my boss tells me what to do, If I don't do it, I might be fired. I fear for my job, so I do it, whether or not I want to. Inside the city, traffic rules, the police, the laws, they all tell me what to do, I have to do it if I do not want to get arrested. On the compound, my landlord tells me what to do, if I do not do it, I might get evicted from the apartment. I am always being told what to do. I always obey. But, within the four walls of my apartment, I take advantage of the soundproof walls, to take back my power. I sit on the chair, I act like my boss, I order the tables to bring the files, I order the basket to print the papers, I yell at the television for coming late to work. I feel what it feels like to be the boss, I feel what it feels like to be the law, the police, the landlord, or anyone else giving orders. If my walls had ears, they would hear me talking to, giving orders to, and yelling at, someone or something that never responds. They would hear my rebellion against existing just to obey.  

Release me, for the fire beaming within me, is desperate to break these chains. Independence is freedom. The right to make my own path, write my own destiny, led by my own will. The right to break the barriers, destroy the challenges, to be let alone to face my own fears, win my own wars. Independence is freedom from undue interference, the right to have sole control over who can tell me what to do, what to think and how to act. Independence is having a voice in my own affairs, how my destiny is written, who is allowed to enter into my thoughts, my life. Independence dictates that I should be free from invasion, for anything that hampers my freedom, challenges my independence. Independence is like being let loose to fly in the cool wind, while you sweat from the heat of determination. Independence is pure fire! 

Beggars beckoned by-passers

fingers, faces, frail from foodlessness

Wretched, wanting, weak 

Walsh watched

Bssssshhhhhhhhh!

Walsh fed the fresh fruits to his over-fed French bulldog.

Imagine,

Sitting in a rocking chair,

In a rose-bush garden

covered in a foggy mist of fresh fragrances

Watching spirals of rose petals swirl in the air

while the music goes mellow, but rhythm hardens

surrounded by chocolates and edible decadences

such happy place!

Imagine,

bicycling in a large apple vineyard

under the scorch of the sun's heat

being startled by a flash of thunder

and the freshness of cold raindrops

Imagine,

Your hair billowing in the wind

As you gaze above at the fiery skies

meditating by the ocean waves

bleeding out your pain as you tearfully cry

such happy place!

Fire, sparks, emotion

Pictures lying scattered on the floor

Each frame, a window to a broken memory

It cannot be fixed, but it can be escaped from

close your eyes

imagine,

your happy place.