I'm sorry

but you don't know me

if you did

you would understand

you would know

the questions I ask myself

what if I'm not your little girl

the smiling daughter you thought you had

what if I don't want to grow up

grow up in the hell that was left for me

where this life is almost as screwed up as me

did you know I hurt myself

that I want days barely eating anything

did you notice at all

do you realise

that I can't be fixed with a couple laughs and a stern warning

that maybe

just maybe

I don't want to be fixed

that I don't want to leave this mind

this dark hole that I have made my home

the hole where the only thing I can hurt is myself

I don't think you realise

just how much I hate myself

how terrible of a person I am

how scared I am

of being alone

of being alive

because if you did

I think you might feel the same way

about myself

and you'd stay away

because maybe then

we can truly understand one another

don't dry those tears

don't hide those scars

if the world turns its back

they were never worthy of you

yes you'll feel pain

yes you'll regret choices

but isn't that what's supposed to happen?

to learn more about yourself?

who would we be

without the mistakes

of yourself

and others

life is a journey

a journey of mistakes

a journey of regret

a journey of hardships

but if the millions of people in the world

did you really think you had to do it alone?

it may not seem that way

but there is someone

be it a brother

a neighbour

a sister

a lover

you'll find them

they'll find you

a listener

a speaker

a comforter

a friend

someone to be by your side

to listen to your worries

to share the tears

but also to create joyous memories

ones that are worth the pain

maybe they're searching too

for the one soul that understands

go out

look

you aren't alone

not for long

it takes time

the companion of heart and empathetic of soul

and I think I found mine

but I'm willing to wait for her

pent up rage

unspoken sadness

living a life of regrets

constant state of madness

red tape on my soul

cover up on my heart

one small tear

and I fall a part

I can't go to sleep

don't make me go to sleep

these secrets that I keep

don't make me go to sleep

these voices in my head

keeping me from bed

I can't go to sleep

don't make me go to sleep

the past is all I see

regrets reminding me

replaying every mistake

how many scenes I would remake

I can't go to sleep

don't make me go to sleep

please

don't make me go to sleep

I can't go to sleep

who knows

what I'll

do to me

who am i

who are you

i don't know

but does anyone really

we get obsessed with finding ourselves

and find labels

that don't fully define

who we are

what things we do find

are a temporary satisfactions

of discovering what makes up

the person that you are

some labels

are true

but not the full story

merely a word

a sentence

a sentence that leads up to a whole paragraph

in a blink that paragraph

has led to another

and another

until finally you finish the book

and you're left wondering

just what happens next

but this is your story

so you

tell me