I've falling in and out of love with more people than I have fingers to count. I met this one man that looked like a boy, and he made a fire in my heart, but his hands were terribly cold, so we didn't work out. But for the longest time, I wanted us to. I left home for him, and though we only spent months together it felt like years, and I still have scars from the nightmares we turned into our lives. We would drink whisky and watch the sun rise, we were into that kinda stuff, almost more than we were into each other. We drove around the city like maniacs, getting into any and everything. But things got old real fast. And I couldn't bare to even look at him at one point.  He left me, and I dealt with it. I knew we weren't meant to be. Hope killed me more than anything. But it also kept me alive. A year passed, and then I ran into him at a movie theater. I held my breath at the sight of him, and by the time he walked up to me I was already lightheaded. It felt so wrong pretending we didn't know each other anymore. A lot can change in a year, but we didn't. He asked me how I've been, and he even admitted that I didn't change a bit. He told me about his new job and trade school. It felt like no time had passed between us. He hugged me goodbye, and it's as if I handed him every memory we ever had, because when he walked away, I didn't feel as heavy. So I guess love is the weight that we're all willing to carry for that special someone. But sometimes, the burden is not your honor to bare. I fell in love with someone that did not love me. And it's not the first time. But it does not hurt any less. And if I have learned anything for him, it's that there are people out there, that would rather crush you, than ever love you. 

I am unsure if this is real.

Or is this a fabricated fantasy?

Have I gone mad,

Again?

I trust

And I trust

And I trust

Until I do not.

And I love

And I love

And I love

Until I do not.

And in a way

I am comfortable living this way.

Because no matter how many times

I do not.

I always do again.

March 10th 7:53pm

“I feel empty,

I've taken it upon myself

to put your feelings

before my own.

And in doing so,

I've destroyed myself entirely.

You had this firm grip

on the last few pieces of my heart.

You tried to save me,

By holding me tight,

Not realizing

You've crumbled me.

I cling to dust and fragments,

But it's no use

I'm of no use.”

“A guy once asked me how I feel about the afterlife, if there is one,

I started - I bet it's beautiful, for those that have came and gone as easily. For those that have been humane in this unjust world.

I believe.

I believe after life, is more life.

Maybe if we're lucky we'll come back as things we've once loved.

You'll live on the rim of your mothers coffee.

As sweet as ever.

You'll come as waves, crashing on the shore, then still.

You'll be summer

And winter

You'll be always.

You'll be alive, at last.”

“Introverted instincts

Inspire involuntary insanity.

Increasing impulse,

Inching icecaps,

Inhaled inferno,

Invaded innocence.

Isolated indoors.

Inked illness.”

“The leaves are growing back

Seems like it's been forever

And if loving me keeps you alive

Then you will love me never.

And if seeing me will change your mind

I'll be sure to brush my hair.

Death awaits and draws me near

And I'll pull up a chair.

Talk a bit

Laugh and fuss

Try and negotiate

What's his is no longer mine

They claim that it is fate.

The way my bones whither in the cold

It is a sad sight to see

There is nothing left to hold

I am no longer me.

Faint eyes

One last sigh

Take me on my way.

Cause if being here means being away

Than I cannot dare to stay.”

Time is not on our side, love.

With daylight comes dark nights

and our souls are mere puddles upon the earth.

And I feel we we're rain once,

Until we beat upon the ground.

I wish earth would absorb us already.

But we lie between cracks on a bridge,

Or inside an old well.

Until each speck evaporates.

We wait.