...: you r up so early??

Me: ...

...: was it not good... Last night..

Me: (still drowsy) ....

...: it's her!!! right

Me: ...

...: it's the Arabian carpet!!! She's all curves and spreads all over the floor

...: or its the recliner, she's all fancy with her cushions and what not...

...: eeeww, is it the door mat...U r always lying with her when u r drunk

Wife: (shouts) get up u lazy $&@%

Me: quietly snuggles under the covers

Bed: he still loves me!!!