"When you said...you loved me"

I believed you,

I was young then and naive

I didn't know the truth that laid behind your smile.

No one could have prepared me

but it happened

You said you loved me,

but did you really?

Do you ever think of me?

Years have passed and still no call

No visits not even a good-bye

You said you loved me

It's hard to imagine I'm grown now and I still can't trust

I despise anyone who looks out the window

it reminds me of myself waiting for you to come.

No one took me away

You just didn't want me.

You said you loved me

Then told me I wasn't yours.

I carried your name

Your name engraved on my birth certificate

I called you father

and you still walked away

But you said you loved me...

It's hard to say the words you want me to say. You stand there in silence hoping that the words you seek would spring forth like the Autumn glow and bring you comfort and peace, but my comfort and peace is hidden in the darkness from which you stored it.

You didn't care about my pain, my screams in this lonely box you placed me in. You laughed and teased and reminded me of your greatness while I find sanity in my anxiety. You didn't wonder if your words would kill me or leave me paralyzed. Yet, I've bleed on the floor, broken, and ripped apart. My scares defines me but we both know that was not my true self just what I have become.

You want forgiveness?

I wanted freedom.

You want to forget the past,

I wanted to explore my future.

Now we are here and you ask me to forgive you. For such a long time I have tried to replace everything like a movie in my head. Trying to figure out what I did to upset you. Why me? I asked and got no response and for years I have tried to walk amongst people with no faces cause I am too afraid to open my eyes and see. I want to run I want to hide. I want to take the knife you placed in my back and slit my throat with it. Finish the job you didn't have the balls to do. Depression was a gift from your hate. You want me to forgive.

Karma, has devoured your soul. It's feels overwhelming and terrifying, but it's well deserved cause now you get to sit and the lonely box of darkness decorated with madness. You get to bleed on the floor, broken and ripped. You get to see the faceless people that point and stare. You get to scream in the echo of silence.

Dinner is at eight with fear and regret we shall not be late but before I forget...I forgive you.