When I feel scared

And my heart pounds furiously

To the beat of my fears,

And my worries flood in

Until they’re all I can hear--

Take my hand and

Stand by me:

For with you I’ll overcome,

By you I’ll carry on

For you are worth far more than gold.

You needn’t say a word,

Just stand by me.

When I’ve lost all hope

And my mocking vision blurs

Into endless frozen darkness,

When I’m gasping for air

Drowning in unwillingness to breathe--

Take my heart and

Stand by me:

For with you I won’t fight alone,

By you I’ll finally be my own

For you are worth far more than gold.

You needn’t say a word,

Just stand by me.

My day shines brighter with you around;

My world gently smiles when you place your hand in mine.

As the days meld into months, and the months meld into years,

No matter how far we travel,

Nothing can shake my promise to you.

Take my life and

Stand by me:

For with you I am a promise,

And by me you are a solemn vow

For nothing is impossible when you are with me.

You needn’t say a word,

Please stand by me.

We would dance to the rhythm of our hearts

Dance free on the bliss of the ice

Gaze into eternity past and eternity to come

Time will catch her breath, stop in her endless race

Quiet and still in our moment.

I know I waver, I know I fall

You stand behind me through it all.

I never want to let you down,

never disappoint you.

Am I worthy of what you give me?

I meet your warm expression

Who knew we could be so close, yet so alone?

I’m afraid to stand, afraid to try again

But you give me the courage to become who I was meant to be.

Let us shed our doubts, eradicate our fears

Forever tread hardship’s path

Bound by an everlasting promise.

Will you share my pain, accept my flaws

Will you lift me up when I’m afraid to fall?

Will you grapple with the demon’s call?

You taught me how to love again

And I will show you how to breathe;

Together

Tread the path

To

v y

i r

c o

t

I crest the next hill

Overlooking a valley full of flowers;

Vibrant, vivid spectrums of light

Dancing in the gentle breeze.

On the breeze is a hint of fresh strawberry,

A sweet memory of long ago.

Why have I wakened here once more?

The shouts are muffled behind locked doors.

I pick a flower, twisting its stem gently between my fingers--

A phantom moment that seldom lingers.

Through the valley I walk,

Endless rows of nameless beauties

Stretching to infinity in every direction--

An asymptote ever so close, yet ever so far.

The moment shatters.

The glass cracks.

The valley melts like dripping wax.

Like warm flesh peeling off bare bone,

Like slipping sanity far from home.

Reverberate. Upside down.

Breathing eternity, tilted sideways

Unknown earth, shattered reality.

Tilted eternity, unknown reality

Breathing earth, shattered sideways.

Unknown eternity, breathing sideways

Tilted reality, shattered earth.

In my valley are mysterious wonders;

In my valley are beautiful creations.

But all of the flowers are fading, crumbling

Into pale phantasms, ghosts of what is

Or what could have been.

The doors unlock.

The sky spins.

The ground wavers.

Time and space break their sacred bonds

As reality crumbles with the flowers in the fields.

I reach for the last flower, a lily,

Small and alone and white in all of its fragile elegance.

In the world that I created

A figment, an illusion

Nothing is real.

But what is real is what should not exist.

Lily petals fall,

Gently sinking into the sands of eternity:

Endless, empty halls of forever.

The light grows dim

As truth falls short

And I fall.

Dear Mitya,

I am only one of the many stars in the vastly burning sky, but to me, your light will never diminish. Even though I walk far away among the stars, I will always come home to you. I betray you time and time again, a glance here, and longing pang there. It is not right for me to forget what you’ve given to me, to reject the gift of stability and the comfort of what is known. But still I forever feel the pull of the unknown, the seductive call of adventures yet to be journeyed. Yes, even though I run aloft with the shooting stars, I know where I belong. I see your open arms, your gentle smile, the smile that shines through your eyes even before it reaches your mouth.

You are my storge.

Mitya, sweet Mitya, you forever stand behind me. Though I may be a million miles away, you always support me with undying loyalty. I would give anything to have you stand by me, to wordlessly hold my hand. Sometimes it is not your tender words that I desire; I simply wish for you to stand beside me, to know that no matter what I do, you will love me. Would that I could show you my support! I feel your warm fingers embrace mine, entangling my self wholly in your trust, and the trust I have in you.

Your are my phileo.

Mitya, my Mitya, you enthrall me in your love; like a tidal wave, your love washes over me relentlessly, without hesitation. Your love overcomes my fear; your love eradicates my guilt. Because you are willing to kneel to help me stand, because you are willing to walk to help me run, because you are willing to lose everything that I might win the race--your love is selfless and enduring. What we share is unmatchable, an unbreakable soul bond. I can hear your sweet voice echoing down the hall of memories and shattered mirrors.

You are my eros.

There once was a boy who felt that he could never be forgiven, that he could never be enough. He failed time and time again until the only light he could see at the end of the tunnel was the train coming to hit him. He began to wonder if his future was going to be worth living if he couldn’t bring himself to succeed. His love was not gone, but it became harder and harder to express. He didn’t necessarily intend to come across as harsh or emotionless...but he could never let people in to see the worthless mess that he had become. That boy is now a man because you never gave up. No matter what, you held on to the belief that he was enough, that he was forgiven, that he was a joy, that he was loved. That boy never deserved your love, but you gave it willingly, unconditionally.

You are my agape.

It is as if I am seeing you for the very first time. Your beauty, for there is no other word to describe you, still is etched into my memory, engraved upon my heart. Your gentleness has made me kinder, you sternness more humble, your love--your love is the gold that holds me together though I am formed from broken shards. Even as you lie there still and peaceful, know that that I coming home to you. I believe that I will see you again, see you with brand new eyes, as if it again were the moment I laid eyes upon you. I love you, Mitya.

To my dearest much love,

Yuu

You asked me, “Where does the sun set?

Whre do the wanderers rest their weary heads?

Where is the spring that brings life to the dead?”

After the gruel of the day is done,

After the well-worn roads are run,

After night falls and the battle is won--

Oh, travel-weary wanderer, come home.

I asked you, “Where do the chains of love hold fast?

Where do the bonds of loyalty last?

Where lie deep fragments of centuries past?”

Over the oceans and across the land,

Through a desert of endless sand,

Burdened by trials and demand--

Oh, travel-weary wanderer, come home.

Strong is the pull of duty and care

When running alone or as a pair

In moments mundane and treasures rare.

When dreams fail and aspirations fall,

When faces fade and you’ve given your all,

When at last beckons the final call,

Oh, life-weary wanderer, come home.

Even as the ashes fade, fly away into the night sky, I still hold tight the sweet memory that yet remains. Even as the flowers wither and die, crumpling into a heap of wilted petals, I still sense their lingering fragrance on the gentle breeze. Even as the stars fall from their abode in the heavens, forevermore to be lost amid the darkness of Earth, I still have hope in their existence. Nothing will ever be the same. I will never see you again, but I feel a bit stronger as if you were standing right beside me. Forgive me. Set me free.

When the ashes disappear and fly into the night sky, I still retain the sweet memories that yet remain. Even if the flowers have withered, dried out and collapsed into a mountain of wilted petals, I still feel a lingering aroma in the wind. Even if the stars fall from heaven and will be forever lost in the darkness of the Earth, I still have hope for their existence. No two are alike. I will never see you again, but it seems that you are a little stronger, as if you are standing next to me. Forgive me. Please be free.

I don't see the beautiful colors anymore. My art is failing, the music dies down, my skates are no more. But even in death, he stands beside me.

I stand at the gate

Cold iron rusted shut.

I hear joy on the other side

Calling me

Freedom’s siren song beckons

To reach beyond the last standing

Monument between me and eternity.

Willing to face the solemnity of my truth,

My fingers grace over the forbidding bars.

A drop of blood runs down my finger

Frantic, urgent

I pay it no heed,

Let the sticky streams pool at my feet.

And when my time has come,

I kneel in peace and waiting.

But flickering still, my spirit clings,

And approaching from the other side--

He opens the gate.

I rise, ready to leave

But he stops me with a gentle hand.

“You are worth dying for.”

Then he goes forth

And I turn back.

Kittens are cute

With sharp teeth and claws.

Roses are beautiful

Abundant with thorns.

Peaches are sweet

Until you choke on the pit--

Who are you and where do you fit

Before you die?

Sunlight floods through my open window

A cool breeze filters in.

Birds are singing their cheerful song--

A beautiful morning of gentle harmony.

I want to experience that pretty scape

I want to bask in that sunlight

I want to feel that cool breeze

Let the little birds perch on my fingers.

The door is wide open

I can walk out

The cell is dark, the chains are heavy

But the door is open!

I can see a ray of light,

Smell the faint fragrance of cherry blossoms.

Is this an illusion from a secret place

Or can I really reach out and...?

Do I dare to step out into this world?

Do I want to walk this new path unfurled?

The lilies are white, the sky is blue

Can I abandon what I once knew?

You gave me the keys.

Please let this be true.

I... step out?

Little one

You outshine the mourning star

The star that shines your way

Into an ever-changing world.

Little one

Let the handprint of your love

Be engraved into my heart

To help me find the way.

Not broken anymore

But free forever indeed

Let your story shine the way

To the path we’re meant to take.

The pain, that cannot be forgotten

Not buried, not hidden, not concealed

It’s fresh like open wounds

Stinging, full of tears

I know that you trusted me, loved me

Even when I couldn’t save you

It’s part of who I am

You.

I promise to live on when they are weak

To fight so I can be strong

To hold your fading hand

And never let your gift be forgotten

When life fails and hope dies

Like a lily unfolding to a blue sky

Like a young bird just learning to fly

Like a creek bubbling a content sigh

Let love be born.