I don't know what's happening

What it is that's going on

But I know it's there

Just beneath the surface

I'm not sure if anyone can hear

Me as i struggle with the undertow

But perhaps the possibility alone

Will make my death less slow

Perhaps

It's me, Rebecca. Don't make that mud lie for that boy... He will grow up in 10 years time and beat you and your children to an I inch of life.... Skip they pie that day on the porch and go play In the horse field instead. It will change your life.

Don't feel so ugly outside bc of your feelings inside... Ppl will see your weekends and use it against you every day you live in this world... Don't go to that house in 2000 where that man was waiting unbeknownst to you.... Turn the car around and take a raincheck.

In May 2 2011 take the children with you when you go to grocery store with you and don't leave them with husband... He will take them for 3 months and you will search the world to have to find them....... TAKE THEM TO THE STORE.

Call your brother and when he doesn't answer on jan 20 2013, drive to georgetown before he pulls he trigger and you lose him forever.... So many other things......... Mistakes.... Wrong turns...

Ps) 8 yr old me keep doors locked until you move out of home..... Keep ur innocents if possible.

HEED MY WORDS....

I'm sorry but I don't have anymore cards to throw; and I've lost my will to play the game. Perhaps you all will find a better match and move on to much better days.

As for me, I'm all done here... And before you ask, Yes, I'm terrified... But I've already waited too long already which is why we sit here today.

Forgive me for trying to mother... It was my most anticipated stage in this life and Because of that I could not refrain.,. I realize now, I have no right to influence so potently the lives of others that are here for purpose.

I'm sorry as well for my mothers misfortune to have been saddled with such a soul as me.... I can't imagine a thing in this world that would be deserving of such a heavy weight....

Sorry to all those that still linger here with the rest of the living... Those that I have known and somehow disappointed or de-railed from their course in life.... I never meant to be the barer of such disruption and pain...

Sorry to Priscilla for knowing her for so long... Im sure that has done some damage too....

I'm sorry to be long winded... I only have this one chance to say aloud that I'm sorry and that I meant well

I followed the shadows to a room with no door,

Sat down in a chair that existed no more.

I struggled with sadness and shoveled on through,

Blacked out in the hallway while thinking of you.

It was time to quit thrusting inside my dense womb;

For I could hear the black sundown impending my doom.

So ill climb to the top of this great standing wall,

And listen with tears to the depth of my fall.

Inside those hushed waves of vowels and sighs I hear only one small and humble word...but it is enough.

That word and that word alone is my whole reason for being here in this web of dread and solitude. This hollow place of long forgotten yore seems to call to me in enchanting and undeniable ways. ...

And once again Ive found myself wandering through the halls of this darkness, still searching for a word; just one clear and definable word that will help give purpose to this endless pursuit for............