Out of nowhere you'd remember that someone who mean the world to you

Suddenly tears fell and heart breaks again

there's no stopping the rain

there's no stopping the pain

you don't want to forget

but you don't want the pain that comes with remembering....

I miss you, it hurts....

In most cases if someone tell you "you're a tool" it connotes something negative. But I would like to have a different feel to that now. For I consider myself as a tool. Not someone who is considered as geeky or stupid but I am a tool because I consider myself as someone who helps others achieve what they want in life by accomplishing baby steps to get to it.

I remember my last post was about finding a job. This did help my family as I am now able to manage our finances well but most importantly aside from the monetary gain I have, there is something more to it than just numbers. I am a teacher. I teach English online to those who aspire to better themselves by embracing the fact that most countries now speak English, and for you to be able to catch up to the rest of the world you have to be able to communicate in a medium everybody uses. I have several students everyday, they range from kids to young adults who are ready to take on the next level of their lives. I see the struggle to learn and I want to be there for them. I feel extremely happy when I see progress in my students, it may sound mushy, but as an educator that is a milestone for me. That today, my students are a step closer to their dream than they were yesterday. And you know what feels even better, its when your students take time to thank you for helping them. Most can say it is my job to do so, but for them it is something even more. The other day my student said "I want to tell you something please before we move on to the next topic". So I was like "okay, sure do you have any questions?" (Before starting the class, I usually tell them that they can ask me questions if there is something that they don't understand so I can help them to. And that they should not be shy about it because I am here to help them learn). He said "I don't have any questions I just want you to know teacher that I appreciate what you do for me. You always give me corrections and suggestions to improve how I speak not like the others. And I am really happy about it because I am now better. That's all teacher.". After that I hardly have words, it felt like there was a big lump in my throat that I can't speak. I was so touched that they see the effort that I put it and even happier that he can now express himself better.

My students say this all the time, you think that by hearing it a number of times you won't get the feels anymore. But every time a student thanks me its like hearing it the first time over and over again. This kind of appreciation and self worth cannot amount to any denomination. For it may be my job to teach them but its my calling to help them learn. So yes, I am a tool and I am proud to be one.

HEARTS YEARNS WHAT IT WILL

NO AMOUNT OF WORDS CAN COMPENSATE

IT WILL DEFY WHAT THERE IS

AND NO HUMAN TOUCH

CAN EVER DISCERN

DISTANCE MAY HINDER

BUT THE HEART SHALL NEVER CEASE

ONLY WITH THE UNION OF TWO HEARTS

WILL THE EVER PENDING FEAST SHALL EXIST

As I lay on my bed

I glanced up at our photo atop my drawer

I suddenly remembered the last time we were together

I remember vividly for I've always regretted

leaving you there, thought I should've known better

As much as it pains me then

I know what I needed to do

& deep in my heart I know you know it too

But now, all the consolation that I have

is knowing now that you are free

free from all the pain in this world

healthy, happy & full of glee

I miss you everyday

I know you hear me say

But I've learned to be happy

for today, I am closer to being with you

now than yesterday

oOOo

This is in memory of my sister who passed away last year due to lung CA.  

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A CHILD

YOU’D HOLD ME LOVINGLY IN YOUR ARMS

I’D STOP CRYING INSTANTLY

COS I KNOW YOU’D KEEP ME FROM HARM

AND WHEN I WAS IN MY TEENS

I’D ALWAYS SECOND GUESS MYSELF

BUT YOU ALWAYS REASSURE ME

THAT I’LL ALWAYS BE THE BEST

THEN CAME A DIFFICULT TIME

FOR EVERY PARENT TO BEAR

TO LET THEIR CHILD WANDER

WITHOUT PREJUDICE OR SCARE

YOU STAYED AT THE SIDELINES

TO GIVE ME ROOM TO GROW

THOUGH IN YOUR HEART, YOU’LL ALWAYS WORRY

THAT I WILL FIND MY WAY TO SORROW

I WENT, AS ANY HUMAN HAVE GONE

TO THE ABYSS OF LONELINESS AND DEFEAT

I COWERED IN TEARS AND HOPELESSNESS

REALIZING ALL MY WORTHLESS FEAT

THEN YOU CAME AND HELD ME CLOSE

AND WHISPERED IN MY EAR

MY CHILD, I LOVE YOU

YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY I AM HERE

A SUDDEN GUSH OF EMOTIONS

FILLED MY HEART THAT DAY

FOR I MIGHT HAVE FORGOTTEN YOU MY MOTHER

I SAID AND I WENT ASTRAY

YOU LOOKED AT ME WITH YOUR PASSIONATE EYES

YOU TOOK MY HAND AND PRESSED IT AGAINST YOUR HEART

AND SAID “I NEVER FELT THAT YOU DID, FOR IN MY HEART YOU’LL ALWAYS STAY

AND I KNOW IN YOURS I’LL ALWAYS FIND MY WAY”

SINCE THAT DAY I PROMISED MYSELF

I WILL NEVER LET GO OF YOU

YOUR HEART AND LOVE I WILL CARRY

IN EVERYTHING THAT I DO

AND NOW A DIFFICULT TIME HAS COME

FOR EVERY CHILD TO ACCEPT AND SEE

THAT YOUR FEET ARE NOT

AS STRONG AS THEY USED TO BE

I’D HOLD ON TO YOU THINKING YOU MIGHT FALL

THEN YOU TOUCH MY HAND AND SAY

DON’T WORRY MY CHILD, YES I AM OLD AND GRAY

BUT YOUR MOTHER’S AS STRONG AS THE CURRENT IN THE BAY

I’D SAY QUICKLY BUT WITH UTMOST RESPECT

MY DEAR MOTHER, THOUGH AS STRONG AS YOU SAY YOU ARE

NOW THAT THE ROLES HAVE BEEN REVERSED

LET ME BE YOUR GUIDING STAR

Dream as high as the sky

work as low as the ground

Dirt may be in every hilt and corner

But so is your dream in the cloud

Everyone started at something

No one began as a winner

For every task that is meant to bring good fortune

There is always a toil that you need to discover

You have the power since you breathed in this air

Don’t let anything stop you

As it would be unfair

For every every ending there is a beginning

and this would be it for you

For if you will not start now

It may have long been overdue

<3 <3 <3

This is for my nephew who turned 20 today. Happiest birthday!

You thought you have one more day

but you don’t

You thought you have more time

but you don’t

You thought you can get

another glimpse, a smile, a touch

but that’s all in the past

All you can ever do now

is bow down & pray that memories will last