Expectations
I don't know how he expects me to stand here and watch him, how I'm supposed to just carry on as though constantly fearing that he'll fall off the edge doesn't destroy me.
He's the person who makes me the happiest right now, he keeps me sane, without him I'd lose my self. A month; an eternity. The same. How am I supposed to react when he says "My life won't be worth it. I wouldn't be willing to continue" when he's the person who keeps me wanting to continue?
How many times have I thought to break it off even though I'd have to start all over on a life not worth living? How many times has the thought of him being alone hurt me? How many times do I have to wonder who it is I'm in love with? How many times do I have to wonder if this is just lust? How many times do I have to hear his tear soaked voice before I die of a broken heart?
He is my heart.
How can he expect me to watch him hurt himself? How can I expect my self to not try to help him?
How do I help him?
The Thing
'Hurry, hurry.' The words bounce off the canyon walls followed by an almost inhuman giggles. 'Hurry, hurry.' I'm trying but no matter what I do they keep gaining on me, how could have possible thought to outrun them? Was it the short chubby legs? Or was it that running meant that there was still hope? Whatever the reason for this foolishness, I won't have long to ponder it.
As I run I step on a rock and skid, I fall forward impossible slowly, I hear a snap and all that exists is blinding pain. I hear screams horrid pain filled screams, it's really kind of irritating how they won't shit the hell up. Wait, I'm the one screaming, I fell and broke my leg. I can't stop screaming. I take a slow breath, cutting off that irritating sound that dissolves into sons that can't be so easily silenced. My leg is bent at a weird angle bone sticking out of my black pants. There's nothing I can do, I have to keep moving. I start to claw my way forward, dragging my broken leg behind me. 'Hurry, hurry.' More giggles, they're toying with me now, they're right around the last bend and I can't get away. I roll over, if this is how it ends I'm going to see it coming.
I see it after a moment, a shadow of pure darkness crawling along the canyon walls in the blue-silver light of the full moon. This is it, the end. I take a calming breath, wipe my face that's wet with tears I ha dent known I was shedding.
A sob racks my chest as the shadow descends on me. This isn't how I imagined my life would end, I had always imagined it would be starvation or sickness that would kill me, this is so much worse. It's the fear that makes it worse. You look into the shadow and all you feel is the primal fear of the dark, you know without a doubt, this is the thing that hunted your ancestors in the night, this is the thing that hid under your bed and in your closet, the thing that you see out of the corner of your eye when you aren't paying attention to it. But the worst part is knowing that it won, that this is how I die.
Or is it?
I woke with a start, the sun coming coming just tinting the sky pink and painting the clouds a violent gold. The smell of bacon wafts in through my open bedroom door dispelling the last shreds of a dream. I get up, pull on a shirt and see myself in the mirror. It's interesting seeing your reflection, seeing yourself.
At 5'9" I'm short for a guy, wide at the shoulders tapering to a thin waist. A swimmers build it's called. I'm thin, packed with muscle. I stare into the bright green eyes, which are so strange with my dark hair and skin. My mothers eyes. I sigh, rubbing the light stubble on my cheeks, at seventeen shaving is now a daily activity. One that can wait until after breakfast though.
As I step into the kitchen dad turns and puts a plate of bacon and eggs on the counter. "It's about time you got up, I was about to get the bucket. " Is his greeting to me I laugh and fire back with " oh yeah old man? And what about later when you're 'resting your eyes' while I'm doing all the work?" He scrambles a few more eggs and says in a high brow voice "I haven't an idea what your talking about."
"Sure, you don't. It's hard to watch yourself sleeping," I say, digging into my eggs. "Anyway did anything interesting come in yesterday?" He scoffs. "Yeah an alti came in with her collection of shrunken baby heads wanting to trade for an old leather coat. Then got mad when I wouldn't accept them, kept saying it's a fair trade 'flesh for flesh' she said. I swear it's times like these that I think joining the Sol Republic was the stupidest thing the old world Terrans ever did." I tried to hold in a laugh, it was an old argument shared throughout the human sector.
About a hundred years ago in 2053 wars, famine, sickness and death rode high on the winds. The human population was down to about a million individuals that somehow managed to stay alive. Against all odds they also began finding each other. They realized overall that if they continued the wars that separated them they would all die out. Thus Terra was founded, it's symbol the Phoenix rising from it's ashes. Not long after wide spread peace occurred the people were contacted by the Sol Republic, wanting land and resources in exchange for entry into the republic and general protection. The Terrans agreed slowly that this was the best choice for us and allowed restricted access to the planet.
Since then humans became simply one of the many species inhabiting Terra, much to the consternation of many Terrans. Personally it didn't matter, life was good. We own the little shop downstairs, selling different things made by the human artisans from fire candies to cowboy boots (which really went huge with the offworlders) to junk salvaged from the old cities a few miles away. The shop had been passed down from my gramps who started it in the hopes that it would help to keep the human community together. And it worked, now my dad ran the shop while I went to school and worked with the scavengers. My dad hated the scavengers, felt that they were messing with things they didn't understand.
I thought he was crazy but went along with it, it was just easier for me to buy their stuff and put it into inventory than to try and make him see the need for them. I finished my eggs and went to go take care of my daily needs before work, today was Saturday market day in the human sector, and it was bound to get interesting.
To be continued...
"Don't listen to them!" A voice called from the depths thin and pale, a whisper. "They lie, their forked tongues taste the air, scenting your weakness."
Can this be true? No.
These are my friends. Right?
"Wrong!" No! You are the liar, they wouldn't do that to me!
Harshly I stifle the voice. It doesn't know...
It doesn't know how fat, ugly, short, stupid and alone I am.