I hate I

I just started to cry

I let myself realize

It was me who I hated all along

I admit it, I knew it had always been true

That it has never been because of anyone else,especially not you

I lied, hid the truth from myself

Of course, I knew it was true but now what do I do?

Do I try to become something new?

I don't want to keep blaming other people like I did with you.

I want to admit the truth.

But then what?

Where do I go?

When I'm so burdened then dismayed.

When I stop lying to myself

The second I stop pretending I'm something else

What happens when the pieces from inside come out into the light.

And I find I loathe & despise every single piece I find deep inside

When I stumble upon the truth, the realization of my personal abuse

When I stare at myself in the mirror, stare deep into my eyes to see everything deep inside, all that makes me what I am is trash that's already been stumped upon, smashed by no one but I

Over & over & over again

I have no real friends

Because no one knows the real me

I can't let anyone see

Of all the darkness, the secrets,the lies that I can no longer hide

Not from myself

Unburied, now burdened, just all the things I truly despise, that now no longer hide

At least not on the inside