My name is MacKenzie, my user name is Napk1nz. The reason for that name is Napk1nz also sounds like Nap- Kenz. I love naps and I also think the username is unique and cute.

I am a 19 year old girl from Spokane Washington. The photo is from when I was 17, my first night going to Rocky Horror Picture show!

I have two chihuahuas that I love dearly.

I have a 6 month old boy chihuahua named Mergo. (Mare-go)

I also have Yuno, a girl 1 year old chiweenie. A photo of her is in my poem titled “Chihuahuas”.

I’ve always dreamed of being a writer, but was greatly discouraged by my family. They loved my writing, they just dont believe it’s possible for me (or most people) to happily live as a writer.

I hope they are wrong.

I’ve felt helpless in my life for a long time financially as well as emotionally, and I’m looking for an outlet, especially one that has the opportunity to earn money.

I think I’ve found it.

Here.

I love anime, animals, memes, dark humor, Law And Order SVU, and I am in an ongoing existential crisis (so expect some poetry from me about it).

I‘ve always dreamed of having a following online. So if you follow me it would be greatly appreciated. :)

I look forward to writing with you all and I’m ecstatic that I’ve finally taken the leap of faith and put my work out there.

Lady Luck

take interest in me

This life is so horrid

I want nothing more than to leave

Lady Luck

my darling

Don’t you hear my pleas?

if you’re going to help someone,

why cant it be me?

Lady Luck

are you even listening?

or am I whispering to the night?

I don’t want to lose faith in you

Please don’t leave me behind.

Dont worry!

I know that someday,

a Prince will arrive to take me away.

I’m little now,

But soon I will grow!

And his Love for me,

I will be thankful to know.

So I’ll wait at my castle

Always checking the time

I cannot wait

Till destiny is mine.

I chuckle in disbelief

How have we lost track of what we are?

Made-up titles

Made-up life

pointless laws

and endless fights.

Where do you place yourself inside this domain?

you put your head up your ass

Tell me from what to abstain

Do you have any reason?

Any logic?

Any point?

I didn’t think so

So I’m smoking a joint.

I reach forward

I fall back

every day

I am losing track

I see the horizon

it doesn't see me

maybe one day

I’ll let myself be

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Dear Diary,

I wish every morning I felt my routine wake up stretch as deeply as I did today. I wish every day I drank a gulp of hot sweet tea, and felt the warmth of it shoot through my fingertips straight to my soul. I wish every day I felt the urge to step outside and take a deep breathe of air, and all of my stress and aches and worries would blow away with the cold October winds.

The thing is, you aren’t supposed to feel this way every day. That’s what makes today so special. It was a joy to walk along the fallen leaves and the houses with their spooky decorations. It was like a breathe of life being outside in the cool crisp air, the kind that makes cheeks rosy and sends a chill deep into your lungs. It has been so long since I looked up at the world around me, I forgot how beautiful it was.

Sadly I know soon I will forget again, because today was a good day, and I have many bad ones. It’s hard to notice the beauty of the universe when you feel you have no place in it. Even if they are few and far between, I have days like today, that are there to motivate me. It’s my job to find that beauty in the world myself, even when my perception of the world is dull.

Note to Self:

You can see the world through whatever lens you choose. Willpower is key. No matter how numb or disassociated you feel, if you want to see the beauty in the world you have to choose to.

I am thankful for their tiny little toes,

their cute wet nose,

their big sweet hearts,

and their very witty smarts.

I am thankful to have my best (fuzzy) friends.

Alone I stand

the forest ablaze

but not I nor this grassy field.

A wall of nature’s fury surrounds me

a dome with smoke and burning trees along the sides.

In the dead center I stand in disbelief,

I feel helpless, hopeless, defeated.

I realize that I can’t hear the roaring fires, only see them.

Just the sound of the peaceful untouched meadow surrounds me.

I walk toward the flames but don’t seem to move any closer

The grass I walk upon slowly grows taller and taller

Consuming me

yet I go willingly

Seems like I have no choice,

its time.

wake up

I remember when time used to be distinguishable. When my mind kept up with my surroundings. I was so sick of my environment I drowned it out. I signed a deal with the devil, and now I am suspended in time. I can’t recall where I am in conversations very well anymore. I know it’s time to stop, but I don’t. And I don’t know why.