One day,

One day I hope someone can pull me out of this hell hole im living in.

I cant do it myself

I've tried already, believe me but im stuck down here and

it keeps pulling me down further and further and one day I'll be so deep...

no one can help me

Depression takes over the mind like a wildfire and completley takes away every thing away that have you ever loved.

It hurts seeing those that take meds and end up becoming walking zombies

Im hurting inside but i have to control it.

Or i'll end up like the others

I knew you wouldnt understand me.

No one does.

No one understands what's actually going through my head.

You just say the same thing over and over and over again

Like if anythings actually goinb to change...

You hurt me way to much to even get a piece of my emotions out of me.

I hate that you try to act like you still care .

I hate when I actually feel like we're getting close then you just end up hurting me again

Im done.

Im just... done.

You dont understand me.

You just don't.

I know you try to be there but you still fail every single time like you have before

you dont understand that what you do hurts. I know "you dont mean it"

but i've heard that phrase to many times to believe that.

Mom

Im hurting. Please, if you love me, stop and do what you know is right in your heart.

I can only take so much of what you throw at me.

I love you. I truly do but with the things you do.

I'm slowly slipping away Mom.

Slipping away further and further from your heart.

I love being around people. They make me feel whole. They bring out the inner me but it's so hard to find these people that actually like you for who you are. No one likes me. Everyone hates me. I hate me and the world's against me. I feel nothing anymore because of what they've done to me. They read these kind of things and tell me "No im your friend. I care about you. Talk to me if you need anything." but then they just... up and leave. Its like if there only there cause they feel sorry for me they dont really care. there not really going to be there for me. Thats not what I want. All I want is someone that can actually be there for me. someone that feels what I feel. I NEED someone to understand the pain i go through EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Im so lonley. it hurts being alone. I dont know how much i can deal with this anymore. For a world where everyone is social i feel like im not apart of this world. i am not social. All i do now is just keep to myself but everyday i try so, so hard just to fit in and talk to people but it never works. They dont understand the struggle of my life. They dont want to understand the struggle of my life. They dont know how it is to be. So. Damn. Lonley. all the time to where you just want to cry. Where you vry out to God saying "PLEASE GOD. SEND ME THAT ONE PERSON THAT WILL LOVE ME." I need that someone to break me out of my shell and hold me and tell me everything will be okay. Im just so emotionally damaged theres no coming back from this. they dont understand me and my thoughts so they just throw me out like the trash i am. all i can do is just... be me and still hope that someone comes along and saves me from trying to be someone im not. Take me from these people that are transforming me to them.

Im dying. Im lonley. Please. Help

life goes on and i think about my past

I dwell in the fact that any of this had to happen to me

"Why me?" I say over and over again...

"Why did I have to suffer like this?!"

Nothing I do or say can ever change the past.

It is what it is and I have the awful memories that take over my mind each and everyday to remind me of it. "i'm fine" or "I'll be okay" I tell people but will I really be?

I dont even know myself and it scares me.

Mysteries lay ahead in the future giving me anxiety not knowing what or who is to come

I guess I'll just have to wait and see...

I know that it'll never be the same.

My true thoughts will always be kept sealed shut from you.

Until maybe, just maybe one day I can find that happiness.

The happiness that will show you the real me.

The me that will gain enough courage to finally tell you.

The me I strive to show you every single day...

but can't...