When I was 7 I watched my grandfather die.

He couldn't look me in the eye,

He wasn't visibly scared, he just couldn’t

Open his eyes.

He was eating tacos with the love of his life.

When they were about to have pie,

He fell over on his side

She called an ambulance, screaming

“NO YOU CAN’T DIE!!”

The ambulance came, sirens blaring.

Her vision was blurring,

Why did you leave me when I needed you the most?

Should I send a post?

It hurt like a hit to the head with a rock,

I jump at the slightest pop.

The moon was bright,

But I had not a slight urge.

Not a spark of light,

Even from this height.

I'm lingering onto life by a thread,

That thread is my mother...

It is hard to fear the dark when you can’t fall asleep in the light,

It is hard to have a light on at night because you cry yourself to sleep in the fight

The fight to stay awake so that you don’t go numb again like the night before and

Every night before that, but also the fight to go to sleep

So you don’t have to suffer another waking moment in this heap.

But, this heap is not who you are, it reads girl

You scream boy trying not to hurl.

#poem #trans #fears