Its hard to bury you past

It takes over you

Causes anxiety, panic, madness

Its horrible, really, but you cant help the pain of the mind

Mine is... twisted, dark, full of, what would you call it, pain, fear, sadness

Overflowing with emotion

That's why I stopped it

Put a plug in it

A lid on it

I turned the water off

Love needs TRUST, UNDERSTANDING, COMFORT.

But sometimes its hard to come forth.

Love Can be unexpecting,

so beware of its testing.

Love must be held onto.

Be Confident going into.

My heart will sing with yearning of another.

Sometimes its too hard to cover.

So will you hold my hand,

while my affection expands.

There are so many reasons.

Just let the breeze in.

Those welcoming words of HELLO,

And horrifying words of GOODBYE.

I have faked my smiles since the 5th grade. Today my “friend” 

asked if I ever faked a smile and I said sometimes. 

At that moment I faked a smile.

When I am at school or in public 

I am that quiet girl in the corner 

who has no one to talk to.

I don't want them to judge me 

that my wild side is too wild.

When I am at home with my family 

I'm the wildest thing you'll ever see.

When we get to partner up at school

I'm by myself because none of my 

friends want to be with me.

At night I like to look at sad quotes.

When I'm in bed I think of all the things 

I read about not being included in the

friend group, and realize I have the same problem.

When there's no more room I have to go last.

I'm the last one picked when picking teams.

I'm the least favorite person in the group.

I check the chat every night only to turn it off right away.

I am never invited to group events.

I don't have a phone but I have email and chats,

But still, no one talks to me.

Scientists say the brain purposely forgets certain memories in order to avoid information overload and emotional distress.

People who laugh more are better able to tolerate bain both physical and emotional.

Comparing yourself to others is the root of feelings of unhappiness, self-blame, and depression.

When you truly care for someone their mood can literally affect yours.

When you’re in love there is a 30% chance you’ll remember more of your dreams.

People who hide their feeling usually care more.

Smiling too much is the sign of someone experiencing emotional pain.

Feeling ignored causes the same chemical effect as an injury.

You’re not afraid to love your afraid of not being loved back.

The very last person on your mind before you sleep is either the reason for your happiness or pain.

Missing someone causes insomnia. The frustration of being without them keeps you up at night.

Cuddling releases painkillers. When your sad or in pain physically or emotionally cuddle someone or something you love.

 You can never be angry at someone you truly love for more than three days.

Our pupils expand up to 45% more when we look at the person we love.

 People normally fall in love 7 times before marriage.

Usually, people who are depressed tend to have a more realistic perception of the world.

Mental pain is increased by pretending you ok when you not.

The deeper you feeling are the harder they are to express.

People who have a strong sense of guilt are better at understanding other’s feelings.

People that laugh at everything are actually lonely inside.

Blind people can still see images in their dreams.

When you see someone in a dream you do not recognize you have seen them before even if it was for a split second.

The average high school student today has the same level of anxiety as the average psychiatric patient in the 1950′s.

The moment when you want to cry so bad but you physically can’t, so you feel every bit and piece of you break apart inside.

People are more likly to cry at night becouse its harder to control your emotions and no one can see you or judge you.

Footnotes:

Tell me in the comments if any of this is relatible or if you have more.

I have faked my smiles since

the 5th grade. Today my “friend”

asked if I ever faked a smile

and I said sometimes.

At that moment I faked a smile.

When I am at school or in public

I am that quiet girl in the corner

who has no one to talk to.

I don't want them to judge me

that my wild side is too wild.

When I am at home with my family

I'm the wildest thing you'll ever see.

When we get to partner up at school

I'm by myself because none of my

friends want to be with me.

At night I like to look at sad quotes.

When I'm in bed I think of all the things

I read about not being included in the

friend group, and realize I have the same problem.

When there's no more room I have to go last.

I'm the last one picked when picking teams.

I'm the least favorite person in the group.

I check the chat every night only to turn it off right away.

I am never invited to group events.

I don't have a phone but I have email and chats,

But still, no one talks to me.

November 13, 1887

Entry One

There are creatures that only come out at night when lights and flame are more in use and no one can see them. I discovered them when I went for a walk a few nights ago. Nocturnal creatures they are. Interesting as well. Covered in fur and very beautiful. Males appear to be brown or black and females white or orange. Almost like a mix of felines and monkeys. The males sit on the lights and wrap their tales around the lights to drain it's energy and make their fur or skin shine. Something I assume to attract mates for the females seem very amused. They are aproximently 1 foot tall and range in different widths. They are quite small. Names are hard for me. I don't know what to call them, But for now, They will be called the Shine Creatures.

Under all this rubbery fake skin is metal

under all that metal is a metal plated heart

just pumping blood for you

still giving you life

with a metal leg with only wires inside

covered with more fake skin

a small control panel

is placed at the bottom of your neck

only more fake skin covered

all of it connected to the leftovers of your brain

giving you a second chance at life

but all you are is artificial.

Sometimes I would wish things would be like they used to.

Like when lemonade was freshly squeezed

instead of Koolaid packets from Walmart.

back when singing was using a hairbrush for a microphone.

And being a super here was putting a blanket around your neck,

jumping off the couch.

Back when train rides were lining up chairs.

Back when camping out was making a fort in the living room.

Back when Dad took you hunting and

Mom took you shopping.

Back when getting lost in the mall

meant you got to run around and do what you wanted.

Back when you were sad meant get some hot cocoa and a good book.

Back when family time meant

playing monopoly.

Back when a break up meant

eating junk food and watching tv all night.

Back when life was good.

I cry tears of lemonade

this sourness of life is my pain

This world is full of hate

and I'm on a train

to my fate.

we all make mistakes

I think I might be a fake

I wanted something to make

it was supposed to be all homemade.

Because this world is full of hate

and I am on a train

to my fate