Simple words we know

Used to express strong feelings

Short and fast but deep.

"Love" and "hate," odd words,

Unexplainable logic,

Outburst everything.

"Sorry", a short word,

Delivers an intention,

A hope for a change.

"Promise," a strong word,

Holds a burden and brings pain,

Most are left broken.

An infinite ways

To express such emotions.

Word's power is one.

I am lonely.

I always am.

Sitting here thinking about everything.

I wonder what others are thinking.

I wonder what others think I am thinking.

I wonder if they at least thought of me at least once.

I wonder what that is.

I wonder how is it like to hear everyone's mind.

Will it be chaotic like my mind?

I can't stop thinking.

I feel bad for my brain. Will it ever bleed from too much pressure?

My teachers and my classmates asked me, "why are you so quiet?" And I just shrug.

My mom asked me, "are you feeling alright? Why are you not socializing like others? Are you having a hard time? Are you being bullied? Do you have friends? Why don't you have one?" I fight my tears back and just shrug. "No mom, i'm not being bullied at school. I'm fine. It's hard for me to socialize but I'm fine. I have a couple of friends of course."

That's the truth. But it just missing some more.

I looked at my own reflection and asked, "why are you so quiet? Why are you not socializing like others? Are you having a hard time? Are you feeling alright?" A tear fell out my eyes.

I don't know the answers.

I'm still trying to figure out why.

I'm having a hard time looking for the answers.

I do have some theories. It can be because of me being scared to speak because english is my second language, therefore I stutter a lot.

It can also be because I am just like this, shy and quiet.

I deny these theories, because i can be pretty fluent when i'm comfortable and i can lively person when i'm with someone i'm comfortable with.

I don't know. Or maybe i just don't want to know.

I read books to see other's story, other's pain, other's happiness.

I use my phone to pretend I'm busy, to hide my loneliness.

I listen to music so I won't be able to hear them and their happiness together.

I do everything I can do to occupy myself, to get my mind out of the reality.

I lie about me going out with friends. I pretend to be talking on someone on my phone.

I put makeups on my face to look cold.

I look at a mirror,

I see a lonely pitiful young girl.

I told her, "put down your books, phone and earphones. Look up."

The girl tried to. She look up and saw everyone having fun with their own friends. She was jealous. She tried to join them, but she was pushed away.

The girl look at the mirror again, "what did I have done wrong?"

I don't know. I'm just lonely and scared. Blending myself in the background. I'm not nobody, I'm someone.

Someone unnoticed.

I followed my own path.

It's like there is a lot if hills, ups and downs.

It is also very foggy.

When it rains, it becomes muddy.

Sometimes, it feels like I'm in a dessert. I'm aching to ask for what I need.

I'm scared. It's a very lonely journey.

I built a wall to hide. And now I try to get them lost so I can travel alone.

I dream big. I may fall, and get hurt badly.

I want to find my destination on my own.

Even I'm so tempted to ask for help.

I always tell myself I can do it.

Sometimes it feels impossible.

But I need to be positive.

I'm still on my journey. I still have a long way to go.

Good luck to me.

And to you too, on your own journey.