I have always been the perfect girl

Straight A's, never in trouble, and always helping

But this year was different

My sadness got the best of me

and rather than confiding in someone

I said "fuck it" and threw all my cares out the window

I wanted to sneak out, drink and party like everyone else

Instead I smoked in the school parking lot

But ohhhh when I got caught, my life was over

It was over before it began

I realized that the little devil that hides inside me is not at all scary

maybe even perhaps a little fun

To go out of control can be fun

To be in control is boring because nothing ever changes, so why suffer

That little devil has been my best friend until that night

That dreadful fateful night

I realized one night that I was using this as a coping mechanism

That night was bad it was terrible

The next day I put on my skirt,my pink sweater, lipgloss, and straight hair and decided to never talk to the devil again

But we all mess up

Right?

I lie awake wondering maybe just maybe

the ghost in my room knows I am suffering

No one else notices

But maybe he does

Maybe he knows everything I have been through

Maybe he has put the knife just out reach

He knows my mind and my mind is dark

It is filled with sad and depressing thoughts

Oh, but he

He knows

What it is like to go unoticed, not cared for

He knows neglect

And maybe he has been helping

But who really knows

Are their ghosts, spirits, angels, or devils

Is there an afterlife

Maybe I want to believe he’s here to help

But what if they were right

As I am sitting in my hospital bed maybe they were right

Maybe I am crazy and just hallucinating

But what if I am not

What if