It took me years to aquire you.

It took strength, courage, and perserverance

But I did it!

I refused to give up!

I didn't take no for an answer.

I wore you down, or so we joke.

But now....

I have you!

The most important and most treasured person in my life.

We said I do,

we bought a home,

we started a family.

My life began the moment you said yes.

Our life was everything I hoped it would be and more.

But how could I possibly know that one little mistake could make it all go away?

Could I really lose you?

You are my everything.

You can't forgive me?

We can't move past this?

We HAVE to!

I can't live without you.

I made a mistake, I'm sorry...

I'm sorry I broke you, but can't I fix you?

I can't lose us!

I can't lose you!

I won't lose you, I will fix this...

But can you ever really fix something that was broken?

It will never be the same, there will always be a part that is broken.

Loss of any kind hurts,

but losing THE one is devastating.

Life was good...

I had a family I loved,

a house I turned into a home,

a job that I loved going to each day,

and I married my best friend and together we were raising two amazing kids.

Life was great actually!

But something was missing.

And then it happened.

My life fell apart!

My marriage was on the rocks

and my family dissolved.

I was hurt, angry, frustrated, sad, depressed, and I was broken!

And I would stay this way for a very long time.

I was that person that looked like they had it together from the outside, but on the inside I was dying.

I was so broken!

I didn't trust anyone anymore, everyone I loved had hurt me.

They had let me down and showed me I meant nothing to them.

I tried to ignore it,

I tried talking to my friends

I even went to therapy.

But all it did was mask my brokeness.

I almost lost it all.

I almost gave up.

I almost gave up on myself,

my family, and the good life I had created.

My world almost crumbled,

and I say ALMOST because something or rather somone saved me!

I escaped the feelings of despair.

I escaped the hands reaching to pull me under as I fell.

I climbed out of that darkness by finding God's light.

God saved me!

He wouldn't let me down.

He wouldn't hurt me.

He vowed to be by my side.

His church welcomed me and pulled me up from those hands that were so desparately trying to keep me down.

Without God's voice calling me home I don't know what type of person you would see standing here today.

God restored my faith.

He helped restore my marriage and my family.

He helped to put my pieces back together, so I wasn't broken anymore!

And I say this, that he fixed me, after years of me not believing, following, and understanding HIM!

I didn't go to church, I didn't read the Bible and I didn't know if I believed in him...

But he believed in me!

He rescued me.

He called to me and after months of not listening I finally answered his call.

Second chances come in many forms,

close encounters come in a variety of appearances.

But for me, God gave me strength and faith to try again.

He was my second chance.

He was my close encounter.

You see, I escaped the death of my marriage and my family.

Ultimately, with God's help, I escaped the death of ME!

You hurt MY feelings...

but when I say you caused me pain,

somehow it's my fault.

Somehow, you can so easily treat me badly and hurt my feelings

but as soon as I defend myself

I'm the problem.

Somehow, I start all the problems and the fights!

Somehow I always have to be right and know it all.

So my answer... I will retreat

I won't come around

I won't say my opinions or feelings

I won't make an effort anymore.

Hurt masks itself in many ways

there could be tears,

there could be yelling,

there could be discussions,

or I could just walk away.

I've done all of those things

and yet no matter what I do, it is never the right thing.

So much hurt, that I mask with an icy glare or a blank stare.

It's not worth my effort anymore.

It's not worth my time.

It's not worth the worry and hurt anymore.

You don't worry about me.

Afterall, I'm not your daughter.

I just married your son.

I loved you even when it hurt...

I didn’t think I could love you again!

I didn’t think I could trust you again!

I didn’t think we would make it thru...

You broke me.

You took everything we had and threw it away, or so I felt at the time.

I felt like I was empty.

I was so angry and so hurt!

Hurt that I still feel today, 8 years later.

A hurt I can’t make go away.

And thru that hurt, I still love you.

I found a way to move forwad, although I never forget!

I can bring that hurt back in instant, with one thought, one word, or one song.

But our family mattered more to me than just walking away.

Love hurts!

Love is wonderful, amazing, beautiful, scary, and evil all in one breath!

But love also hurts!

It hurts to the point that it can take that same breath away!

I love you now and forever!

Thru the hurt, thru the pain,

thru the good times and bad.

Love wins

love pushes the hurt aside

and love stays.

18 years...

18 long years....

She battled the most unforgiving disease for 18 long years!

She spent years of her life battling and fighting that one ugly word... CANCER.

Cancer that kept coming back,

cancer that wouldn’t let her live her life.

Cancer that eventually took her away from those that loved her.

No one can hate 6 little letters more than she had a right to:

sickness, loss of hair, scars covering her body, loss of energy, and loss of the way she wanted to live- cancer did this!

Yet despite all of this sickness she still won- she would triumph!

She would beat it, each time!

She would get up each day and fight.

Each time she was knocked down- she got up!

A fighter she became!

She would cook, clean, drive herself to chemo and never miss her daughter’s basketball game.

She didn’t miss a beat when cancer was trying so hard to take it from her.

She set goals to help her continue to triumph over cancer.

She saw her beautiful first-born daughter get married,

And then saw the first family member ever graduate from college- her second born daughter.

And then...

she didn’t have time to set her next goals.

Cancer would triumph...

But not before she left us all so much:

she left her love,

her grit,

her humor,

her sarcasm,

her strength,

her beauty,

and her fight!

In my eyes she will always triumph!

In my dreams she is cancer free and not fighting anymore!

She is free to live and awaits the day to see us and hold us all in her arms.

Again she will triumph!

I love your strength and that you never give up

I love your quietness on a busy day

I love how we have done it all together for the last 22 years

I love your beautiful eyes

I love your strong hands

I love our life that we have created

I love how our children are a perfect combination of the two of us

I love how you hold my heart in the palm of your hand

I love that you think of me

I love that you are there in my times of sorrow

I love that you believe in me

I love your arms wrapped around me so I feel safe

I love that I have your heart

I love that my future is you.

When I think of love I think of you!

You are all 4 letters combined into one beautiful word

14 is never enough...

Did you set out to be the villain in my life

Or was it accidental?

Did I look like I needed to be broken?

Was I too confident or vain?

Was it easy to turn my world upside down?

Was it easy to walk away, to choose another over me?

Did you feel like the villain

or did you make believe it was me who was the evil?

I didn’t choose another over you

I didn’t walk away.

I wasn’t your villain, but clearly you were mine.

My hurt turned to hate

You made my feelings turn evil

I cried over you

I lost sleep over you

You weren’t supposed to be the villain in my story...

You were supposed to be my family!