Laying in bed countless hours of the night

The monsters are no long under my bed

But instead, inside my head

More terrifying then ever before

This time it’s not something a check under the bed can fix, or a nightlight, or a kiss goodnight

They just don’t want to leave

I try to kill them with medication

With no success my bad habits resurface

Trying to kill them by cutting, drinking, starving

Anything to feel a little better and have control

Maybe if I destroy myself they will go too

My mind won't turn off

It never stops

People say write it down

It will give you release

I try

The only release I get

Is when it's no longer running through my veins

But instead dripping out and down my arm

An addiction

But a different kind

Not drugs or alcohol

But the feeling of pain

The release of chemicals

As the silver turns red

My breathing is starting to calm

Creating relief

I always wonder about it

If it causes pain

Why does it feel so good?

it's happening again

i am losing control

i can't breathe

my vision goes blurry as my eyes fill with tears

my heart is racing

my chest is exploding

shaky hands have me struggling to get help

i slowly escape into a peaceful place

my legs feel as though they're giving out

but i can't stay still

i hate this feeling

my mind is racing with awful thoughts

i feel like im going to die

but why does that scare me?