What if I tried to tell you farewell

What if I tried to tell you Adios

What if I tried to tell you good-day

What if I tried?

Would you accept my goodbye?

Would you agree we dissolve the past

Would you let your grudges go

I never meant to give you scars

The night we played with those junkyard cars

I really did try to control those fires

What if I tried harder?

What if I fixed those wires

What if I’d tried to find more water

Maybe then you wouldn’t have died

I could’ve tried harder

Maybe you wouldn’t be haunting my daughter

Maybe you wouldn’t be tormenting my dog

Maybe you wouldn’t be causing chaos at home

Maybe things would be different

And I wouldn’t feel bad each time I wake

If I hadn’t told you to come out with me

If I hadn’t decided we leave our phones

If I’d brought water

Or chose somewhere else we go

Maybe things would’ve been different

I wouldn’t have caused a death at 16

Hearing almost nothing as an off duty doctor announces your death

Watched as an ambulance drove you away

As I ran back home crying

I wouldn’t have

Attended a funeral with grieving parents

Crying sisters

And angry uncles

You wouldn’t have had to watch as your parents spoke at your funeral

As your siblings cleared out your bedroom because your parents just couldn’t

Oh, I just can’t even begin to fathom how things could be different

What if I’d tried?

Would you still be creating strange noises throughout my house

Knocking things off my walls

Creating drafts of wind and loud sounds

And making me regret ever going forward

Owen

What if I tried to tell you

I’M SORRY

Would you accept my apology?

No?

Well, it was definitely worth a try

The blue grass moved against the wind

The yellow daisys scattered on the ground

The wind humming to a higher pitched version of let her go.

While a young man sits in the gazebo glancing at the field, looking dejected

As a young woman walks away without turning back

God, how long must I kick myself?

Honesty

I’ll be honest honesty honestly sucks

The woman walks to a Jeep and climbs into the car before breaking down.

The young man walks silently to his apartment that still smells of strawberries and vanilla

Does that make me terrible?

Saying that honesty sucks that's like saying deceit is delightful

That isn’t what I’m saying at all though

Honestly

The young man wakes up to hosting a garage sale

Selling the woman’s clothing

Selling the ugly hot pink lamp shade

Selling the overwhelming collection of pink kitchen tools

The woman sits on a boat sipping some wine while staring out to the sea

Do you think she’s fine?

Honestly I do

She wouldn’t be turned upside down from someone like me

The women changes her 4 year status to single

The young man changed his 4 year status to single

After the women had decided it was enough

And the young man prayed and begged for it not to be done

Could I have changed all this?

most definitely

Unfortunately I wasn’t who I should’ve been

I didn’t appreciate who I should’ve

The women storms out after saying “I’m not gonna be second anymore”

The young man storms after her saying he doesn’t understand

The women yells as she runs “you just don’t love me like I love you.”

The young man stares but doesn’t run for her

Should I have realized it sooner?

I could’ve and should’ve realized

Maybe I’d been able to fix everything

The next morning the young man walks to the park to find the women

The women walks off saying she’s leaving and he can throw her things out

The young man doesn’t know what to do so he shakes his head and stares

Tears well in the women’s eyes as she strolls back to her jeep

The young man not aware of the mistake he’s made

Do you know the hardest part?

The honest truth as much as it hurts

Is still the truth

And I had to be honest with myself

I realized I loved you

Too long after I’d lost you

And now I’m really kicking myself

Such serenity

Overflowing volumes of grace and beauty

Blasting bounds of color and creativity

Seeping from the crystal blue waterfalls 

Ruby red flowers flowing in the wind 

The bright rising sun beaming down upon the land 

The joyous laughter of the small children 

Going back and forth on the playground swings 

Filled with the tweeting of the tiny red and blue birds 

The loving sound of a piano melody 

As you frolic through fields and fields of violet petals 

Exuberant sprig 

Filled with laughter 

And love