Understanding

just what

She thinks of me... I'm

Enduring

her Desires for her love.

Possibly the best

choice

Of letting you in

To my life

Envelopes

the inside,

Neglecting

The battle

scars

In plain

sight,

Allowing you and me

to see what

Lies in our

future

Clutter

I should go through it but...

It's thick

How long exactly have I been building this

Utopia of stress

Related to events not so complicated

Or maybe so,

Who knows?

Not I.

My eyes are closed to what's

Inside...

The mess...

I started it, but I'm not sure how to clean it

I mean...

I have a dustpan...

That's not enough is it?

Look, I don't have time to cleanse.

My worries keep piling up

To the point where

Even my own thoughts I have disrupted-

*The Eruption*

Remember that conversation last week?

What did she mean by that?-

Boss has been on my back about these

Worksheets

When it's "paper" I need

My account reads

0.03

Makes no cents

I work 24/7-

When will I get a chance to

Brea-

"Dad I'm hungry!"

Must feed my seed

So that bill can wait a week-

No wait, that was due last month?-

I think she's going to leave,

She might just cheat-

My car's on E-

I'm feeling weak-

No insurance, can't fix it

But so sick

I just can't!

BREATHE...

*The Conscience*

Listen...

I hear running

A mile a minute

Please slow down

The speed limit is set

Yet you've surpassed it

Can't control all your actions

Can't seem to find your passion

Lashing out to anyone who happens

To raise a finger to try and help out

Cleaning your mess...

Caused by your feelings

Suppressed

They all know you're upset

Clogged up

Tense

You're hoarding the things that have happened

Just let it go and you'll

Glisten

Be submissive

It's all history

So and so years ago

I feel you though

The impression it left was real

But you're digging a bigger hole

That won't

Leak

Until your reality

Shrinks

Relax a bit

A laxative

For the mind to

Release

I should've:

Given it some thought,

Given you a call,

Asked you upfront what did you

Want

Instead of trying to be a

Know-it-all

Psychic reading

Between the lines

From where the

Problem

Would arise

We fall

Before taking off

Into the sunset

You're upset

My choosing to abide the

False text

You've given me...

Though I might have

Misinterpreted

Your thoughts

When I spoke of how

I felt

Making a first commitment

Now I expect

That you won't respect

What I can give to thee...

My purity...

I'll keep my distance

Like you've kept

Yours

That might be best

For Me

To get over

These surreal emotions

That created the dream of

You and me.

She thought that:

I haven't

Earned you

In my eyes.

Tears cloud my

Vision

Of having me on your side

Like I've forever wanted.

Instead I fronted

Knowing the truth

I shouldn't

Hide

I was taught to play these games

These time of days

You can't find

A human being.

There's just people who

Lie,

Wanting temporary intimacy.

I didn't think there were some

Who wouldn't try

Fooling me.

Let alone someone who found my

Flaws

So interesting.

I wasn't sure on a reaction

So I

Retracted

Didn't mean to shank

Your feelings

I couldn't understand my own

I can't find

closure

To this problem on my own.

I've yet had the courage

To communicate,

With fear

Of only causing more harm

So I'll wait for

Your next call...

But never answer.

Remembering hurts...

Eventually

tearing

your Gears apart

from the inside.

Running away never works,

for Even after the fact

you still wish to

Turn back the hands of

time.

Loading...

1%...

Caught my first glimpse

Of what I thought was heaven sent

God given data born in the web

I pressed enter

Her layout was on point

Easy to navigate in

Menu options placed evenly

But still a lot to take in

Okay

Let's get started

Created my account, logged on

As the night moved on

I was impressed to see

The many things I have suddenly come to know

She's interesting in the sense that

She's insecure

But fully armored with antivirus and software

I want to dive in deeper

Your cookies aren't enough to feed

My curiosity

Cryptic programs are blocking me

10%

Seems the velocity has

Slowed down

Multitasking

Might need to close some apps now

My full attention lies

To find

The files you choose to hide within your interface

A smile above the malware and many corrupted files

I've reached the 25th percentile

But it feels like I've just ran a few miles

...I'm not exhausted

Just puzzled

Why keep the spam you've been sent

By those who don't give two cents

Filling up your memory with

False text and foolishness

And abusing your hardware

With selfish content...

50%...

Halfway there I won't stop it

I've only just reached the conflict

I know you want me to drop it

But I want to restore

You to the point where there's more

Storage

Navigate your system

Defrag you to your

Optimal performance

80.....90

You're unlocking

Firewall stopped blocking

Your original code was worth finding

Perplexing

I type the keys that you need

Updated to a new program

That's not trying to sync to your

Hotspot

Instead I'll make a password

To have a wifi on lock

...100

Since when

has it been

Anyone's business

how I

Navigate my mind,

Insisting

That I

succumb

to what's right to You

Haven't you heard the news?

Front page, fresh off the press,

"New kids a trip, and he only just started!"

It seems

First impressions can lead to a lifetime

Of misconception...

I won't correct it,

I'll only get played out to the

Conviction

They already

Accepted.

That NOT me.

Well maybe...

Technically an altered version

Caught

In the moment,

Yet

Unseen to the human eye.

I'm an urbanite who is shy.

So why try?

To convince the eyes

Of a stranger,

Creatures

Judging the

Misdemeanor

That is my arrival,

To peer inside my mind?

MINE!

A completely different entity

Compared to those from this

Countryside,

Who are used to each other's

Mask of smiles.

Covering their ignorance

Of an immigrant

From the same country...

Concentrate now,

Here come the whispers again.

A system pre-programmed

To move their mouths,

To what leaks out.

My own business,

Though I wasn't aware that I

Hired them

To spread the word about it.

Your speech is not incorporated.

But go ahead...

Say it!

Who am I to stop you!?

You don't even know me so your words are not

Proof.

...At least not to me...

Guess I will seat

Myself in the back of the sea

Of eyes

To no surprise it's my direction they beam

Pretending I've piqued your curiosity

But your intentions are mean.

Do your worst...

'Cuz it really doesn't matter to me

Four more years in this piece

And I'm out of the penitentiary

Of your words.

Hello

Nice to meet you

My name is not important yet

Just thought that I should greet you

The absence around you made

You seem kind of lonely

Eyes wandering

As if you wanted someone to preach to

To reach you

I see you, but I'm not sure what to say

To conversate

I must...wait

Hello?

Can you hear me now?

You start to scowl

My conscience howls

I should be on the prowl

But now you look around to occupy

Your mind

From what's happening...

How?

There's nothing going on here

There's a presence of fear in the air

That has me turning rear

Making it hard to hear

For you

But my thoughts ring

clearly

So why can't you?

Hear me

I'm practically right here

SCREAMING

And if you're deaf I know that you see me

Hello?

Hello?!

Is this thing even on?!

Someone ring the alarm

So she knows that I mean no harm

Communication is just a start

Of something greater

But you can't favor

If I can't even

...Start...

I see...it's just

Me...

Waited impatiently

And now time's not standing beside me

It's grieving

From a wasted moment

That it could've spent years of conceiving

And I can't take it back

It's unsaid and done

So why try relieving

...Hello...

It was nice to meet you

Or rather see you

I'm sure you don't think the same

But I would like to think to

Maybe we'll meet again

And I will fail to reach you

Because your face will change

But my history refuses to change too