“I was the biggest fire you’d ever seen.

So naturally you tried to put me out.

You smothered me with your cruel actions.

Threw ice into my heart,

with your hateful words.

You had fire in your soul.

Until someone put you out.

And now you have to do the same,

to feel anything at all.

I’ll never understand,

why my love brings you hate.

I wasn’t the one to cause your pain,

So why do you fill me with mine?

I won’t let you turn me,

From a fire to a smolder.

For every fire you put out,

I’ll just rise up another.”

Like a moth to flame,

You get drawn in by her warmth

But falling for her

Is like staring at the sun

The more stunning the beauty

The more deadly the results

She doesn’t mean to harm anyone

She’ll even tell you she’s not a good idea

She’ll tell you she’s poison

And too run while you can

But she’s like a drug

Dangerous to taste

But a promise of a wonderful trip

The more beautiful the high

The more deadly the fall

Broken. Damaged. If you asked me to describe myself that’s what I would say.

For the last 3 years since the night you broke me. Do you think about that night? I do. Do you remember telling me that if I just relaxed it wouldn’t hurt? I do. Did you know I can’t smell vodka without remembering that night? Monster I know you don’t care about that night. To you it wasn’t a big deal and I bet if asked you dont really remember me. I bet if told my name you would say “yeah we dated.” and that would be it. Because I didn’t play a big role in your life but Monster you tore mine a part. I dated the perfect guy right after you and because of how badly you damaged me i ruined it. And then I ruined the next one and next one. Monster, because of you I can’t trust anyone. Monster, because of you I make them jump threw so many hoops they get tired. Monster, because of you I cling to any chance someone would actually want someone as broken as me. But monster? That ends today. Today I’m taking back my life from you. I’m taking back my future from you. Because monster you are a rapist and I am a warrior that you can’t and won’t break for ever. You broke me for a moment but that moments over. Monster? Did you know that every 7 years every cell in your body’s will have died and been replaced? That means I’m on my way to a body that you will have never touched. I am literally in the process of being reborn post you. Not broken and damaged but beautiful and whole again. So Monster? we are done here. Suck it.

I have always been a fan of love stories. Girl meets boy. Girl falls in love. Girl lives happily ever after with boy. The end.

There’s one moment that made me think that I’m going to have my Love story.

I was going through a bad time in my life and needed someone to talk too. We met up at the store and after walking around talking and talking in the parking lo, he invited me over to hangout. We’d never hungout before and I was so excited.

We sat in his house and talked for what felt like hours. He let me rant and cry and offered advice.

Unforunately it came time for me to go home. As I was getting ready to leave I saw the dock that was behind his house. I asked if we could go out there and see the water. It was 4 am by this point. He said yes and gave me his hoodie so I would be warm. Then he got a blanket and we walked out to the end of the dock.

He put the blanket down on the table and we laid there looking at the stars and tking about everything and nothing at all. He didn‘t kiss me or “make a move” and even though part of me was dying for him too, I was glad he didn‘t. The wishing for a kiss helped make it unforgettable.

As I laid in his arms that night I couldn’t help but think that this is what Nicholas Sparks was writing about. The Perfect Moment. Where nothing feels like it could go wrong.

Even though the moment ended and we went on to end things, I’ll never forget that night. He gave me my Notebook Mmoment.

I bet she's beautiful.

The girl that has you.

I bet she's perfect.

The girl that calls you her's.

I bet she's everything I'm not.

I know your gone.

Time can't be turned back.

But I can't help but wonder,

Do you ever think of me?

When she kisses you,

Do you feel my lips?

When touches you,

Do you feel my hands?

When she kisses your neck,

Do you wish it was me?

When she teases you,

Do you miss me?

Do you think of me?

Do you feel my lips on your body?

Do you want me?

Do you need my hands teasing you?

In the back of your mind,

Do you miss me?

I like you

But I like him too

You would be the end of him

And he would be the end of me

So I can't have either of you.

I like you.

How you make me feel

How you became my best friend

How we can talk about everything

I like you

But I like him too

You would be the end of him

And he would be the end of me.

I like him

How special he made me feel

How important I use too seem

How beautiful he thought I was

I like you

But I like him too

You would be the end of him

and he would be the end of me.

I'm sorry

I wish I could walk away.

I wish I didn't want him.

I wish it wasn't so complicated.

I like you.

Really I do.

The hardest part of getting my mental health right is trying to let you go.

My head knows you’re bad for me

but my heart still cares.

My head says he doesn’t want you. My heart says maybe he does.

Over and over they battle

My head is right, but my heart?

My poor love sick puppy heart?

Won’t let you go.

My head says he makes you feel horrible, invisible, unwanted, unlovable.

But my heart says sometimes he smiles and I can forget all that

My head asks my heart “aren’t you tired of being hurt?

And my heart?

My poor love sick puppy heart?

Reply’s “not by him.”

The hardest part about getting my mental health right is trying to let you go because as hard as I try my head loves you too...

Today

Today, I won’t call you,

Just to hear your voicemail.

Today, I won’t look at your photos, just to see your face.

Today, I won’t listen for your name, just to know what you’re doing.

Today, I won’t play that song, the one that reminds me of you.

Today, I won’t watch that movie, the one you took me too.

Today, I won’t wear that shirt, the one that still smells like you.

Today, I won’t dream, about what could have been.

Today, I won’t cry, over what should have been.

Today, I’ll breathe, without a weight on my chest.

Today, I’ll laugh, without tears in my eyes.

Today, I’ll dream, without you in them.

Today, I’ll live, without you again.

Today, I’ll take it, day by day.

20 years ago the War of the World came to an end. After nearly wiping out entire counties there simply wasn’t anyone left to fight.

No winners. No losers. Some people couldn’t even remember what started the war. But it was a firm lesson in that when brother turned against brother the whole work was turned into flames.

Now 20 years later we live in a perfect, peaceful society. Every country was ruled by the United World‘s Council. The UWC controlled everything. From what each country produced to how many children each person could have. They picked who you marrie, what job you had, where you lived. Every part of your life was carefully and thoughtfully set up for you and planned out. There wasn’t a reason for a military. No one would dare go against the UWC.

Those who did simply disappeared.

It was the UWC‘s way of making sure that no one rebelled. They drummed into peoples minds that rebellions led to wars and we had all seen what a mass war can do. 20 years later and there were still countries that were trying to rebuild from it.

Whole generations had been almost wiped out. To rebuild the population and ensure that the children born after the War of the World were healthy and perfect they needed to make sure that reproduction was being done at the highest standard. To do this they needed to pick who you had children with.

To make sure that we had enough people alive who could work and that all the work that needed to be done had someone they needed to pick where you worked. To make it where everyone could talk they needed to set one language for all. No native tongue‘s should be used. that also could led to someone thinking that you were planning a rebellion and you would be arrested. Living in a perfect, peaceful society meant that your whole world was planned and all you had to do was be good and follow along. What could possibly go wrong?