I see demons in my sleep,
Into my dreams, I feel them creep
Heavy silence all around
I hear my screams not make a sound.
Laughter dances on my lips
The Devil gives the sweetest kiss
He tickles my ears with the softest lies
And the little girl inside me cries.
I beg for peace to no avail
I hear the demons begin to wail
The Devil asks me for this dance,
He begs me for another chance.
Promises smiles and no more pain
And he'll make me laugh again.
He says, My child, your soul I'll keep
And tries to rock me off to sleep.
But I know this man, I know his face
He's caused a pain time can't erase.
He talks good game and tells soft lies
But in his arms, my spirit dies.
Turn off the music, I'll dance no more
I close my eyes, my spirit soars,
No longer a prisoner, I'm finally free
I then realize how much I've missed Me
kThompson 2016
Finding Happiness Within the Pain
<p>Christmas hurts. Please don’t get me wrong. I love Christmas as a whole, but at the same time, it hurts. My mind plays back to Christmas music being played, of dad hanging the lights and my mom helping him hold them and my sister and I sorting through the old ornaments that had been passed down through the generations. Such a gentle memory within my mind. If only it could stop there, but it doesn’t. I long to be an ostrich and hide my head in the sand so I don’t have to see the memories that dance within my mind and I can just go along and pretend they aren’t there and they didn’t happen. I can’t though and so that is where the hurt begins.
Abusers don’t stop abusing just because it’s Christmas. Nightmares don’t end just because you’re awake. The same body that bore me as an infant, the same hands that prepared my bottles, the same voice that should have sang lullabies became my living nightmare.
I remember standing, watching my sister as she got to prance around in her beautiful new Christmas dress as my mother pulled my old wool skirt from the closet and quickly matched it to a horrible velour sweater as she watched my face, praying for any excuse to backhand me and then take my ungrateful tail to my dad and tell him how horrible I was because heaven forbid should my dad not be upset with me too. As I opened my few gifts that my mother had picked out for me that she knew I had no interest in, she would just sit and watch me with such a vindictive look on her face. She seemed to get pure enjoyment from hurting me. My brother would squeal as he opened gift after gift of toys he had shown interest in, boots he had told Santa about and hot wheel toys he would play with a time or two and then no more. My sister would burst into happy tears while squeezing her cabbage patch doll and mom and dad would say how much they knew she would love it.
I’d just sit on the outside looking in, watching their pure and utter joy, not just on my sister and brother’s faces but on my parents as well. I would wonder what I did wrong, why didn’t they love me and why they didn’t treat me like my sister and brother. I still wonder.
This year I didn’t get invited to celebrate Christmas with my parents, with my siblings and their children. 40 years of looking in on their happiness. 1 year of looking in at my own.</p>
She hides real well...
Lies real well...
You only get a glimpse
Of secrets within...
She cries real well...
But you can't tell...
Cause her smile
Turns frowns to grins...
But her life is hell...
Known pain too well...
Guard is up
She's gone again...
She's known hurt too well...
He pushed, she fell...
It takes time
For minds to mend...
She bids farewell...
Only time will tell...
If we'll ever meet again...
k.Thompson 2015
You’ve Come A Long Way Baby
From Homeless. From Empty.
From Broken. From Alone.
From Rage. From Hatred.
From Mentally Beaten.
From Spiritually Broken.
From Physically Beaten.
From Anti-God. From Anti-Love.
From Self Cutting. From Self-Deprecating.
From Suicidal Thoughts. From Suicidal Attempts.
From Alcohol Binging. From Food Binging.
From Fingers Down My Throat. From Fingers Around My Throat.
From Hospital Beds. From Men's Beds.
To A Home. To Fulfilled. To Complete.
To Happiness. To God.
To Love. To Loving Myself.
To Laughter. To My Own Bed.
To Peace In My Heart, In My Mind & In. My Life.
k.Thompson '15
