The world went quiet… too quiet

As I screamed my truths in my head

I am anger. I am upset. I am pissed.

The more I do right by people

The shorter my end of the stick becomes

When I think of the people who wronged me

They seem to be living their best lives

Where is my best life?

Pictures paint scenarios that are not always true

I was insecure moments before taking my last picture

Several retakes showed different imperfections

Torn between which angle would be liked the best

I deleted all of them in my silence

The world went quiet… too quiet

As the lack of support from people remind me I’m alone

Friends used to be on all sides when I stretched my arms out

Yes life goes on. Yes things change.

I would have never guess they would be one of those changes

They and I were supposed to be forever

Broken too much to talk to them

I move through each day pretending

Pretending to be the happiest person in the room

My pain allows me those good hours in the presence of others

It awaits me as soon as I am alone

The world went quiet… too quiet

When I encourage myself I am doing the right thing

I tell myself God hasn’t forgotten about me

I have nothing else to rely on but God

I have nothing else to rely on when another man means me no good

I have nothing else to rely on as another bill lays in the mailbox

I have nothing else to rely as I spend another night alone

I have nothing else to rely on when I have no one to talk to

I have nothing else to rely on when the tears get to heavy to hold

The world went quiet… too quiet

When I put on the perfect song that used to console me

The empty glass on the counter top didn’t bring any noise

Reciting the perfect poem in my head seemed stupid

Thoughts of hooking up with someone intensifies the silence

Where do I find noise, any noise to drown out this silence?

My silent screams break nothing but my loud thoughts

My deepest, darkest secret is I am in love with a married man. Letting him in with the pretenses of being just a friend, I quickly fell in love with everything about him. He was the most charming, loving, supportive and hardworking man I ever met. During our courtship, he often dropped clues about his living situation. I told myself he is only looking out for his ex-wife because his heart and soul belongs to me. There was no way Mr. Prince Charming could still belong to another through marriage. Not being invited to family events or graduation celebrations, red flags flew higher than my love for him. My heart won the battle my mind was so willing to lose. I pretended each day my newly founded relationship was one to last forever. Slowly, I noticed there were others riding this express train of love with us. The other passengers looked so differently than me but wore the same expression of love for my married man on their faces. Could it really be anyone could get a ticket on my love train? As the tickets began to pile up on the shattered floor of my expectations, my selfishness took over my senses. I didn't want to share my married man with any of them. With less time spent on me and our conversations, I could only assume there was more time spent on them and their conversations. I picked up my pride, brushed off my ego and ran out the back door with all of my unresolved hurt and anger. It's sad to say, almost a year later of not riding my love train; I am still in love with my married man.