Momma, I’m so Sorry

I realized I was standing

Too close to her

And too far from the car

Nostrils flaring, in and out

Chin stiff, shoulders heaving

Is this out of proportion?

I have not seen her like this in months

Does she even realize that she –

Here she comes she's coming towards me

And here I am

Too close to her

Too far from the car

When she spits her words at me

I wish she would just hit me

Because that would probably hurt less

When I turn to leave

I see her crazy face in my rear view mirror

And I feel the slow way the gear shift slips past reverse into drive

I drive away in daddy’s blue ranger

Watching the sun set behind the country lane firs

That makes this small town even smaller

Then I park in the sandlot

And breathe well in the dark

As two people make out in the car to my left

I close my eyes and imagine my mom

My age, my height, my size, my hazel eyes

But no car

And all of the bruises I actually though would hurt less.

-By Jonah