I’m too hurt to ever be friends

too tired to smile anymore

back then

I could stare into your eyes

til tears corrupted my soul

I can only catch your eye in the hall

it pinches my heart

so I drop your gaze

I cut myself open for you

back then

showed what really went on

beneath my skin

time took you too fast

just out my grasp

I’m too tired to ever be friends

slashed my ribs

to give you everything

all that’s left are the secrets exchanged

on nights that we hung our words in the air

to dry the soggy phrases

that climbed out

our

passion clenched chests

but you slipped away

I close my eyes and gaze into yours

once more

swim amongst memories that steal my breath

I’m drowning in this bittersweet time

I’ll still hold your secrets

in the back of my mind

keep them safe

until you notice they’re gone

I hope you’ll

hold onto mine.

Soft amber hue dressed me,

cloaked in velvet

Plucked perfectly,

rosacea redness swirls on my skin.

Your fingers sink softly into my squishy flesh

canines go in for the kill

Clamping down

A Sweet sensation stings your tongue

Gnashing on my body as I watch misshapen molars rip me apart.

this is the cycle.

what I deserve.

A tooth foolishly crunches my seed as the bitter bite slaps your senses.

I'm tougher than you thought, dark mush sneaks down your throat.

Wasteful hands hurl me on the concrete,

my sugary pulp splattered around.

I had so much left to give to you

I'll wait.

Til' ants tunnel through my acidic corpse, flies will nest and maggots will hatch.

Although, decomposition is painful, it's the circle of life.

I provided for all these pests.

Don't forget about the fight I gave

Cyanide ruminates planning it's kill

In the pit of your stomach

my poison will taunt

Your heart

can't hide

as it's pulses become erratic.

Dizziness reaches head

you spatter on the ground.

Upchucked my body...what a waste.

Convulsions follow suit

along with respitory failure

Now, you'll be forced to provide, wait for the infestation to come about.

You're carcass with nothing, but my syrupy kiss.

I can feel my emotions simmering

frothy boil will have them

rushing past my lid

can you catch it before

they’re all out on the table?

bypassing the choking feeling in your throat

You don’t want to actually feel something

do you?

broth is the best part of the dish

I remember when you asked for my tongue

as if I had a say

scissors poised for my reluctant muscle

your blades are sharp

one quick snip is all you need

like a hair my voice is detached from its anchor

retiring against your cold cutting board

I plead for you to stop

odd strangled noises escape

instead of my soft tone

garbled shrieks stick to my larynx

with nothing to convey my message

my glazed eyes look on to your crude hands

the same hand that slipped past my walls

dicing up the soggy slab

tossing the cubes in the pot

I knew your intentions

no chains held me there

just those hands that

carefully cleansed the wounds

it had created

I had heard the blade

sing against my flesh

again again

appendage after appendage

until I was just a clatter of bones

even sawing off my ears

to keep your lies from making me sick

it was for my own good

somehow your lies still sink into my mind,

rotting out my pink matter

I wondered how long it would’ve been

until it’s ready

I’ve been hungry for quite sometime

I’m never fed

I waited

I knew my eyes were next to go

into the pot.

or maybe a garnish?

confusion draped along my brow bone

as I was propped into a chair

dining table set for two

the ghost of my stomach groaned at the thought

of reciprocation

honey dipped eyes gazed

towards your end of the table

you dipped your ladle into the pot

and then

I knew

why you left

my orbs in these hallowing sockets

you strangle my eyes with your glare

smug glint dances

as crows feet tiptoed the ridge of the pit

taunting me with an empty set of dishes

I want to send them crashing to the ground

but I have no strength

I want to pummel you into the festering pulp

you deserve to be

but I have no fists to fight

I’m bound to this seat with no purpose.

Except to watch you slowly

consume me.

When you finally finish licking the pot clean

punctuated with a roaring belch

you stride towards my body

admiring your work

frosty looks slide over me

and that beautiful hand caresses my face

thumbing at my rough cheek

I hate the sting of excitement that

echoes in my chest

“good thing I saved room for dessert,”

you mouth as a thumb plunges into my socket.

Pop pop!

Your red rimmed eyes

pleaded for me

to marry a different kind of man

I remember

soft cocoa powder dirt

slipping through my ruffled socks

as we hid

in the back yard

rushing to grandma's

gritty voice crackling over the phone

innocence pooling off of my tongue

begging to go back

you still wiped at my salty eyes

sobs taking away the gift I was given

threats bombarding my utopia

I remember m&m pancakes in the morning

freckles interrupted by

purple bruises and gnarly cuts

my dad's soft baby blues

reveled the lost,

veiny glare from the night before

distrust and forgiveness mangled my heart,

I thought I was his little girl.

Hope is too high

She’ll surely fall

I told her stay down

Hope wouldn’t listen

higher and higher

they go

when will hope ever learn

wait she’s almost made it

her clumsy self stepping closer

She sees escape from demons below

retched and ominous depths screech at her ankles

her eyes wander down, look how far she’s come

Wow that’s rather high, hope

fear nibbles her achilles

doubt slithers up her body, squeezing

tighter and tighter.

The mind’s boa constrictor.

Hope stutters,

slips

arms flailing for a ledge

nothing to latch

until she finally cracks against rock

bones protrude from sockets,

ripped from skin

but hope still breathes

although ragged

exhales becoming sticky

“I told you so hope.”

she lets out a wet chuckle

I’ll always fix her up

snapping bones in place

casting fractures

sewing up wounds

I’ll always nurse her to health.

I plead for her not to clamber up the jagged wall

she won’t make it

she’ll be disappointed

One day she won’t get back up

ignoring my pleas

she rambles of a better place.

Hope never listens.

Following

Dainty

Footprints

Stamped

Into

Mulch

Reaching

To

The

Murky

Lake,

The

Water

Was

Stagnant.

Rain trickled past sparse hairs;

racing by sprinkled freckles on pale skin. Soggy Fridays

drew in depressing thought,

his mind saturated in melancholy black,

soaking every idea with the saddened weight.

“ You aren’t good enough.”

“ Why are you like this?”

“Do you really think they like you?”

Suddenly, the dark fog clears;

cracks, shards fall,

a boy

with sunshine woven in his smile

is spotted beaming

through the fragments.

“It’ll be okay.” the boy wrapped

a delicate hand on the others shoulder.

The blinding smile,

dampened

allowing vision to trail to deep chestnut eyes, and in his eyes the other could

see the dark haze clouding

the spring-like visage,

“We are going to be okay.”

The bright boy finished.

My back hurts. Tied in knots.

Staring at the ceiling.

Eyes stuck

I find your face amongst the plaster.

You stalk my mind, hidden within every memory.

You're everywhere.

But, why above my bed?

I need to escape.

A smile splits your face in a painful grimace.

Eyes splayed wide, judging my very soul.

Saliva treks towards the edge of your lip,

slapping on my cheek.

A heavy tongue’s taunts becomes crushing, gripping it with a firm grasp I tear the muscle from its socket.

Basking in bloody silence.

Covered in your sanguine blanket, I finally slip away.

I deserve everything and nothing at all.

face down

staring at chestnut

as I fiddle with the laces

Why must I go on with such pride?

meaty muscle mingles in my mirror

moons of eyes plead to hear my grey heart.

If you could call it that.

More like a daunting weight in my chest.

fingers tug at the corners of its lips,

stretching a smile over the façade of a face

teeth clinking against wood

looking back up into my reflection

red bundles strew out emotion

gasping for mercy

In a last attempt to catch my attention,

my heart jumps on my sleeve.

On display for anyone to see such a frivolous action.

And I feel.

I’m being swallowed,

but, her dusty chambers are weak.

A now heartless mind launches into action

without thought

grips until the last of her ruby warmth gurgles and cracks out

the last of the horror filled wails spew out of a tight lipped mouth.

tear tracks lead to detached eyes.

As unforgiving, scarlet stained hands string up my mask.

the caramel skin contrasts the color so sweetly

look at my manipulated mirage

ego painted perfectly,

my mind sighs a reassuring, “you look perfect.”