lately all I've been spewing is venom and vitriol

sour and biting, covering my tongue so all my words are just as acrid

bitter speech in the crevices of my teeth, curling around stained molars

lips dry and cracked, each movement stretching my skin with cyanide-crusted wrinkles

a deep taste of spoiled vinegar, pungent and angry, bleeds into my voice.

I wonder if anyone else can sense the stale, static air..

I am sure they do, for it is all I have been breathing.

condensing thousands of little annoyances and giant problems into my saliva

releasing it with the carbon dioxide I exhale.

I feel like I am toxic, a neon stay-away sign over my head in huge letters.

can I wave away the smell, wash away this taste, run away from my problems?

or am I doomed to poison everyone and myself?

Perhaps it's just the deep rooted inadequacy

that curls around my bones,

But witnessing other's success

has always dragged a burning jealousy

out of the corners of my mind.

I always feel shame when these feelings

come to the forefront of my conscious.

With every word in another's favor

Whispers of "not good enough"

Echo in my ears, hissing with disappointment.

Strangeley, I find when those around me

Feel that envy,

They choose to let it drive them

And it almost always leads to 

greatness.

These people

Become 

Gems

Under 

Pressure.

But when I am faced with my own shortcomings,

I sink further into my failure,

I crack and break like fragile glass under pressure,

With my motivation, my hope, leeched away

By my despair.

And despite my horrible anger

Crushing sadness, burning hate..

I am unable to rise above it

Instead sinking lower

with every failed attempt.

And here I am, at the bottom of the pit

Peering longingly at the light above

Watching the clouds and sun go by

And drowning in bitterness

As I watch the birds fly.

#poetry

Oh, to live on line between the dark and the light

to exist in the greyed yellows of summer sun kissed dusks

and the blue purples of frost covered dawns.

To simply be when the light leaves and arrives

without the bright colors of sunset and sunrise

to sully the calm. 

Sometimes, a muffled sigh is all you need

instead of the constant scream of blinding white

and seductive whisper of endless black.

The kindness of quiet, the softness of grey

can be comfort when all life has done

has taken a harsh toll.

The middle ground is sometimes unforgiving

in it’s apathetic silence and dreamless sleep.

Most don’t stay for long, pulled out

by glowing ambition and growling nightmares.

But it is always there, hanging in the balance

undisturbed by the world.

#poetry and prose