Our guide through the darkness,

Our deepening despair.

My mask in the ocean,

and the public eye.

We need you

I need you

To stand here with me right now

Friend and foe alike

Reunighted in the night

Sadness like a river

Running through my mind

Like a 100m sprint

And I'm the first in line

Waiting to be swallowed

Gobbled up alive

Meaningful scars

Beneath meaningless lies

Truth can be a wave

A hello from a friend

Or the ocean kind

Lies are like tsunamis crashing down over you, leaving behind nothing but mass destruction

But it doesn't matter now

That's out the way

I've already drowned

far out at sea

My soul left my body long long ago

Stood at that cliff wishing I could go

Lighting all around me

No longer warm and kind

My heart has been corrupted

By all these awfully lies

My soul jumped that day

But my body stood in fear

I had no one to pull me back to here

I know that was where I had to be

I took my time and lost my way

But what shall be shall be

You all told me you need me hear

Now at that cliff your all I hear

On and on again

We need you here

I pray for happiness

A chance to just be free

And maybe one day you can be you

And I can be me

Until that day comes I must set this feeling free

Deep down forever with me

But If it wasn't who would I be .

Wake up.

Brush my hair.

20 minutes.

Still wrong .

Open my wardrobe.

40 minutes .

Crying.

Same old clothes.

Not good enough for you.

Walk to school.

Depressed.

Never fit enough for you.

I flick my hair.

Wave.

Smile.

Giggle.

You walk away.

Tears.

I've been staring at the clock .

Each second that passes things get worse.

I miss you dearly.

Me and you.

Then became me you and her.

You wouldn't recognize me.

I'm different.

I love you .

I want it back.

But I'm me so I won't get it.

And that's ok.

It's grown on me.

Life isn't all it's set up to be.

But that's alright.

If your happy in yourself , truly I will stop. But ignorance is all that's between us .

Yet I feel no bliss.

Today , I was reminded of the day we first met. I was walking past that park on 'sunflower' street and saw that bench.

Memories flooded my mind .

There you were sat on that bench under the glistening moonlight reading that god awful book you seemed to love so dearly . I was

Lost , first day in a new town is always tricky, and I refused to ask the creep looming in the darkness around the corner for directions . So hesitantly I walked up behind you and taped you on the shoulder ever so gently and you refused to let me walk home alone in the dark , you took my hand and led me into the night. I still to this day don't know why I trusted you but I felt safe around you from the moment I met you . And I will never regret making that wrong left turn on my way home from work. About ten minutes in to our walk to my house , the other side of town , the rain began to fall .

You grabbed my hand tightly and ran under a bus shelter spinning me into your warm embrace. Not only did you take my hand that night but you also took my heart. I know I'd only knew you for minutes but I felt like I had known you for life like our souls were connected in this way so spectacular that the rest of the world began to vanish when you were around .

When you left me at me front porch that night I stood and watch you run through the rain into the distance I wanted so bad to chase after you take your hand and never let go , tell you how I felt but then as I snapped back to reality you were gone. Sleepless nights were then a frequent burden I had to deal with as thoughts of never seeing you again consumed me.

Every waking chance I got I would get on my bike and ride down to that park and sit on that bench waiting for you to turn up. The day I had lost all hope and was on my way home I realised that I had left my sketch book on the bench . I had this sudden feeling like everything was going to be ok and I began running for my book . I was so shocked to see you sat right there in that exact same spot as I was sat just a few minutes previously. I was frozen . Watching you as you sat there ,what seemed to be reading your book, was so calming for me. That was untill I realized your book on the floor next to the bench . That's when you done it.

You turned around , and you saw me . A tear in your eye you ran to me and hugged me tightly while holding my sketch book open to a page that held a drawing of the two of us and every diary entry I had written since I met you .

It's been 43 years since that day yet I can't get those feelings out of my head .

I finally told them this story yesterday our kids loved it . Bringing up old memories of you still hurt though and I don't think I can ever move on especially when I can feel your spirit guiding me through life without you.

But don't worry John that bastard won't get away with it I will have him locked up for good for what he done to you .

But I guess what I really wanted to say is I love you and miss you . I'm almost finished here I can feel my time is short so don't forget about me , I'll be there soon .

, Love mollie

Xxxx