it makes me happy when your here

but when you leave

i panic

i flip

i can't stand it

you come back

then i climb out of the deep whole

the whole i put myself in

my own self made prison i lock myself up

i put myself away

i hide

but its in here with me

the hate i have for myself

the doubt that i have

the fear you never come back

but you lock all that down

you come back

you are here

you are here

you give me the power to fly

to soar

thank you for being here

i love you

i always will

It hurts even though im numb

i'm alone even though i have people

i don't know why i am like this

i wish i could change

change is hard

and terrifying

i don't wanna be this

but i am scared if i change

ill be worse

WILL SOMEONE HELP ME

BEFORE I HURT MYSELF.

5 times i have been hurt

0 times i have recovered

10 time i've tried and failed

33 times i've wanted to cry but too broken to be able to

18 times i actually cried on the floor in a corner

1 time i felt worth something

2 times i felt loved

3 times she made me happy when i tried

10 times she's stopped me

0 times i feel sad with her

0 times she's betrayed me

100 times i'll love her

Always this cycle will probably repeat

It is happening again

the good is envading

but soon i will leave

it could leave

the light could fade

it will get dark soon

i can't stand it

everytime it happens

EVERY TIME

It hurts

The pain

It breaks me down

It feels numb

I'm in the dark

But i can't see light

They lied

It only get's worse

Because when your in a whole

All you can do is dig down. . .

my pain is caused be myself

i can’t stop

but i don’t want it to continue

it hurts alot

i can’t bared it

my self esteem is low

my pain is high

my depression hurts

the pain is numb

my mood is high

then it’s low

the knife strikes my wrists

then my body is cold

i lay there dead

forever gone

forever in darkness

where the pain is always numb

He continues to taunt me

He continues to make me blush

He continues to taunt me

He continues to make me smile

He continues to taunt me

He continues to make me laugh

He continues to taunt me

He continues to me me things

Things that i love but things that shouldn’t happen

I love him but I love her

I don’t know what to do

Who to love....

what is the big deal

why must it be so big

why must you make a fuss of it

what is there to make a fuss about

what do you want me to do about it

it isn't my fault

it is natural

why is it happening to me

why do i feel this way

why do i hurt this way

Zandy06

The pain

It is growing

Because i am not speaking the truth

But i can’t say it

Or my life will fall apart

There is nowhere to hide from it

But one place.

Beyond this world

But i won’t say good-bye to her or him

the are to special to leave behind

So i guess it must come out

The truth must come out.

To. “Him” and “Her”

-Zandy